Adventures in Modern Girdles
- By Phil Owen
- Published 01/30/2008
I was watching Overnight Delivery (shit movie, but Paul Rudd still manages to be awesome) on cable late last night while trying to fall asleep, and several of the commercial breaks featured a particularly entertaining ad. It went something like this:
"Would you like to go from looking like this...
...to looking like this..."
...without putting forth any effort at all?"
At first I assumed the ad was for some Lipozene-esque pill, and I started to tune out. And then they revealed that the secret to being thin is to wear the NewGirdle Body Shaper. The commercial says you can appear to have lost 20 pounds INSTANTLY. That's right. INSTANTLY.
So here's my question: what if the woman in the above pictures wore this thing on a regular basis and then started dating some guy who didn't know she was hiding that stuff under her shirt. And what if one night they decided to go back to his place to have sex? Can you imagine how awkward that would be?
For those women who want to find out just how awkward that can be, you can buy one of these things here.
"Would you like to go from looking like this...
...to looking like this..."
...without putting forth any effort at all?"
At first I assumed the ad was for some Lipozene-esque pill, and I started to tune out. And then they revealed that the secret to being thin is to wear the New
So here's my question: what if the woman in the above pictures wore this thing on a regular basis and then started dating some guy who didn't know she was hiding that stuff under her shirt. And what if one night they decided to go back to his place to have sex? Can you imagine how awkward that would be?
For those women who want to find out just how awkward that can be, you can buy one of these things here.
Spread The Word
Comments
Comment #1 (Posted by Patrick Ripoll)
Owen, we're Facebook friends. Some people take that likely, but I see it as a responsibility akin to being the Godfather of your child. So know that I love you when I say, you need to finish the joke. What you have written is the premise. "It would be awkward when that woman gets home" That doesn't qualify as a joke. Its an amusing thought and has comedic potential, but you need to finish the joke.
A lot of your articles feel very dry because they make the same mistake. Yes, every horror film is being remade now, that's a true statement. But it's also an obvious one. Bring some insight to it.
I say this all with love and respect and feelings and little pink hearts that float upwards in a curvy line. Just some constructive criticism.
Peace.
Comment #2 (Posted by Patrick Ripoll)
*lightly
Comment #3 (Posted by Robert Van Winkle)
Owen, Don't give up!!! You're an interesting, fresh and original voice. P.S. I cried at the end of that pirate movie too.
