We Are Going To Blog You: Punching Producers In The Proboscis
- By Devin Faraci
- Published 04/20/2008
Devin Faraci
Devin Faraci is. You can friend him on Facebook, and you can follow him on Twitter at www.twitter.com/ devincf.
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When you live in Los Angeles you get the chance to meet people who are actually working in the movie business and not just trying to break in. You can meet these people... and then punch them in the nose.
When I woke up this morning and found the floor of my bathroom covered in vomit, the details of the night before came rushing back. As is so often the case, I had made a huge, drunken idiot of myself. But this time it was in good faith, for whatever that's worth.
I had gone to the Saddle Ranch at Citywalk for a friend's birthday. This is so not my scene - there's a magazine article hanging on the wall of the joint that explains that reality show 'celebrities' like to hang out there because it's the place in LA where people actually are excited to see them, since Citywalk is like a tourist magnet. But my friend wanted to ride the mechanical bull, so who was I to say no. It was a big group of us and there was a lot of drinking. A lot.
When that began to wind down good old Ryan Rotten brought us to a bar in Burbank. I was already trashed, and my judgment long gone. I drank a whole lot more there. At one point the bartender said, 'You're not driving home, are you?' I was so proud to tell her I don't even have a license!
Closing time came and the group I was with was out on the sidewalk. I don't know all the details of what happened next - the technical term may be 'blacked out' - but there was a scuffle. Being the superhero I am, I ran over and tried to be backup. I punched a dude in the face, bloodying his nose. The dude punched me in the face and I staggered into the street.
Unfortunately, the dude I punched was in my party. And a movie producer who has a high profile genre film hitting this year, and more in the pipeline. He was getting into a shoving match with some random gorilla over a cab, and I thought I was doing a good deed, but I was so drunk I didn't know whose nose my fist was meeting.
Getting punched in the face has a way of bringing you back to some reality and I stood there shocked, realizing I had punched the wrong guy. He was pretty furious, too, and was pointing at the blood running down his face and saying 'You fucking did this!' I stammered my apologies, but he wasn't really interested in hearing it. Not that I can blame him.
This morning I got a call - all was well. The producer had been mad the night before but was laughing it off this morning. Sobered up and away from the bloodied nose (which was swollen this morning - thank God I didn't break it), he understood that I hadn't meant to punch him and that, in my own retarded way, I was trying to be a good samaritan. Next time I see the guy, I'm going to buy him a drink and continue the profuse apologizing. I think I'll probably be buying only him a drink, though - the booze and I may be taking a small break.
When I woke up this morning and found the floor of my bathroom covered in vomit, the details of the night before came rushing back. As is so often the case, I had made a huge, drunken idiot of myself. But this time it was in good faith, for whatever that's worth.
I had gone to the Saddle Ranch at Citywalk for a friend's birthday. This is so not my scene - there's a magazine article hanging on the wall of the joint that explains that reality show 'celebrities' like to hang out there because it's the place in LA where people actually are excited to see them, since Citywalk is like a tourist magnet. But my friend wanted to ride the mechanical bull, so who was I to say no. It was a big group of us and there was a lot of drinking. A lot.
When that began to wind down good old Ryan Rotten brought us to a bar in Burbank. I was already trashed, and my judgment long gone. I drank a whole lot more there. At one point the bartender said, 'You're not driving home, are you?' I was so proud to tell her I don't even have a license!
Closing time came and the group I was with was out on the sidewalk. I don't know all the details of what happened next - the technical term may be 'blacked out' - but there was a scuffle. Being the superhero I am, I ran over and tried to be backup. I punched a dude in the face, bloodying his nose. The dude punched me in the face and I staggered into the street.
Unfortunately, the dude I punched was in my party. And a movie producer who has a high profile genre film hitting this year, and more in the pipeline. He was getting into a shoving match with some random gorilla over a cab, and I thought I was doing a good deed, but I was so drunk I didn't know whose nose my fist was meeting.
Getting punched in the face has a way of bringing you back to some reality and I stood there shocked, realizing I had punched the wrong guy. He was pretty furious, too, and was pointing at the blood running down his face and saying 'You fucking did this!' I stammered my apologies, but he wasn't really interested in hearing it. Not that I can blame him.
This morning I got a call - all was well. The producer had been mad the night before but was laughing it off this morning. Sobered up and away from the bloodied nose (which was swollen this morning - thank God I didn't break it), he understood that I hadn't meant to punch him and that, in my own retarded way, I was trying to be a good samaritan. Next time I see the guy, I'm going to buy him a drink and continue the profuse apologizing. I think I'll probably be buying only him a drink, though - the booze and I may be taking a small break.
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Comments
Comment #1 (Posted by nicholas the vagabond)
This story is... ALL too familiar to me. Except the producer part.
Comment #2 (Posted by Jeremy Smith)
I'm trying to help you out here, but I can't think of any genre producers who resemble Richard Dreyfuss.
Comment #3 (Posted by Apt Pupil?)
Funny stuff. I hope it was Don Murphy.
Comment #4 (Posted by shannon)
you left out the part about punching a girl. ;)
Comment #5 (Posted by Dellamorte)
I'm hoping it's Darryl F. Zanuck, or Joel Silver. I have hopes.
Comment #6 (Posted by Tonight The Bottle Let Me Down)
It wasn't Lord Joel Silver. Devin would already be dead.
Comment #7 (Posted by Ted Johnson)
Dellamorte...once again the enabler. "You done good, Devs!!"
Comment #8 (Posted by Ryan Rotten)
And after telling my girlfriend, said "bartender," of your actions the next morning, we both agreed you should have been cut off. But I was having too much fun counting the times you came over to say, "Seriously, man, I'm glad I know you." Then there was unnamed producer literally spinning himself off of the bar's stripper pole... Fuck, what a mess. Wait until Thursday...
Comment #9 (Posted by an unknown user)
I'm sorry, but how is this story even remotely cute or cool? Devin got WAY too drunk and punched a friend of his. I wouldn't go advertising that. This is the sorta thing you pretend never happened. Also, you stop drinking (or at least stop taking getting wasted so cavalierly). Grow up, Dev.
Comment #10 (Posted by Little Vittle)
I work with gal you punched and need the face of the "producer" for my own demises... i.e. reality docs. (ironic?) Please keep these people in tact, they are good people and deserve their faces free of blood. I am glad to hear about the beer break, but better make it a double on your date with the producer for the lady's sake.
Comment #11 (Posted by an unknown user)
My God, how fucking lame. Imagine a bunch of self important fat, dickless nerds out slap fighting in the street at 2 in the morning in their ill fitting Urban Outfitter gear. Jesus Christ, I want to club you like a baby seal and put you out of your misery.
Comment #12 (Posted by Geezer)
I don't know whats sadder, bum fights or this story.
Comment #13 (Posted by Have a Drink On Me)
I'll go with bum fights.






