Mental Masturbation: (3.22.08)
- By David Wagner
- Published 03/22/2008
David Wagner
David Wagner is an IT Consultant and former journalist. Socially stunted, he is always the proverbial bull in the china shop. Look for sometimes poignant, oft times mindless drivel to stimulate you in places you didn't know existed.
Why is it that Republicans don't set themselves on fire for causes they believe in? I was working on my Dad's lawnmower today and while changing the fuel filter I happened to get a dose of gasoline all over my arms. While joking about having a quick smoke and getting back to work it occurred to me that I've never heard of the Republican version of a Buddhist Monk lighting himself on fire in order to bring attention to a problem.
Why not? I'm not opposed to the idea myself, as long as I don't have to do it. I'm just a little too happy with my life to give it up for a single cause that will change a dozen times in the next 30 years. My girlfriend would be less than understanding, as would my daughter and ex-wife. Some family members would probably be relieved. Certainly I will get some comments from the troll community encouraging me to change my mind.
Why is it that liberal causes and Muslims seem to have no problem getting people to sacrifice themselves for their their purposes? I think that the reason is that those causes tend to attract the mentally unstable and personally unsatisfied. Buddhist monks never get laid. Given that all humans were born with the equipment I have to believe we were meant to use it. Not using it goes against everything intended by nature and makes people insane.
Terrorists convince people that live in mud huts, with nothing more than the sand between their toes that if they kill themselves and take out infidels they will go to heaven, and by the way, the terrorist organization will give the surviving family members more money than they could ever imagine making on their own (usually 30,000 USD). I'm sure that the cause is just and that the money is purely incidental...
For some reason all radicals seem to either be miserable, or prey upon the miserable as fodder for their cause. You never see a Ted Kennedy, or Diane Feinstein walk into a public square, denounce the war in Iraq and light themselves on fire. You just see the poor, miserable followers of their cause doing the "dirty work", or riding shotgun over the Chappaquiddick.
I think the problem is that there just aren't enough poor, miserable, psychotic Republicans out there.
Why not? I'm not opposed to the idea myself, as long as I don't have to do it. I'm just a little too happy with my life to give it up for a single cause that will change a dozen times in the next 30 years. My girlfriend would be less than understanding, as would my daughter and ex-wife. Some family members would probably be relieved. Certainly I will get some comments from the troll community encouraging me to change my mind.
Why is it that liberal causes and Muslims seem to have no problem getting people to sacrifice themselves for their their purposes? I think that the reason is that those causes tend to attract the mentally unstable and personally unsatisfied. Buddhist monks never get laid. Given that all humans were born with the equipment I have to believe we were meant to use it. Not using it goes against everything intended by nature and makes people insane.
Terrorists convince people that live in mud huts, with nothing more than the sand between their toes that if they kill themselves and take out infidels they will go to heaven, and by the way, the terrorist organization will give the surviving family members more money than they could ever imagine making on their own (usually 30,000 USD). I'm sure that the cause is just and that the money is purely incidental...
For some reason all radicals seem to either be miserable, or prey upon the miserable as fodder for their cause. You never see a Ted Kennedy, or Diane Feinstein walk into a public square, denounce the war in Iraq and light themselves on fire. You just see the poor, miserable followers of their cause doing the "dirty work", or riding shotgun over the Chappaquiddick.
I think the problem is that there just aren't enough poor, miserable, psychotic Republicans out there.
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Comments
Comment #1 (Posted by DirtyDeedsDoneDirtCheap)
ummm..have you ever heard of the radical pro-life/anti-abortion movement? Timothy McVeigh? Republican foot soldiers/pawns are always killing or blowing shit up. They, including our actual soldiers, are easily made sacrificial by the powers-that-be and people(like you) who support them. Rest easy, Dave, keep on smoking your fancy cigars and holding court at your fave. stripclubs, there's always someone dumber, poorer or more commited to "set themselves on fire". When you've got the money and power like your side does, you don'teven have to get your hands dirty.
Comment #2 (Posted by Eileen)
The reason Republicans don't sacrifice themselves for causes has to do with the fact that Republican men are too busy looking for their dicks while Republican women are too busy figuring out what to do with theirs.
Comment #3 (Posted by cholm)
Wow if only everybody had more money they would feel complacent and not distressed by the fact they are being oppressed. What a novel concept.
Comment #4 (Posted by Dellamorte)
Why is it that only Liberals are successfully assassinated?
Comment #5 (Posted by Jim)
There are plenty "poor, miserable, psychotic Republicans." They serve the cause by willingly joining our volunteer army.
