This could more specifically be called “Actors I Like Despite Their Horrible Filmographies.”

 

Normally I associate an actor/actress with the quality of their choices. A mediocre talent can be elevated into something great by making smart/interesting choices (Brad Pitt) while a stronger talent can be sunk into jokedom by stupid/easy choices (Nic Cage). Yet there are some actors who I seem to like despite the evidence. Time and time again they choose terrible projects. Nevertheless, I can’t seem to stop myself from liking them. They’re like that Thai place that always gives you the shits, but you keep going to anyway.  

 

I decided to pick the 10 actors that give me the proverbial shits most punishingly, and rank* them based on the ratio of bad to good films in their filmography (the number listed is their percentage of bad films). My list ended up being all men. I didn’t set out with that in mind, but I find it hard to properly judge someone like Sandra Bullock, where much of what are considered her “good” films are movies I’d never want to see in the first place. Anyway...

 

Feast!

 

10 Michael Douglas: 55%

            I was so pissed when I heard that Douglas had been the original choice for Hartigan in Sin City. Not only would he have been better and more fitting for the role than Bruce Willis, but then he would’ve been in a movie I liked! I know some people aren’t into MD, that he’s a one-trick pony. Maybe so. But I like that trick. I find him inherently appealing. So much so that I felt that he and Gwyneth Paltrow (who I inherently don't like) were horribly miscast in A Perfect Murder. I wanted Douglas to win!

   More of: Wonder Boys

   Less of: It Runs in the Family

 

9 Samuel L. Jackson: 57%

This one frankly surprised me. Jackson makes seemingly nothing but horeshit these days. I was sure he’d have a percentage in the high 70’s, but looking over his filmography again I was reminded that the 1990’s were a very good time for Jackson. His percentage actually would’ve dipped below 50% if I’d included his films before Pulp Fiction. Plus he’s still had a few quality things here and there in the past decade.

 I thought I was over Jackson a while ago, but when he showed up at the end of Iron Man, I suddenly found myself excited. I was forced to accept that I still dig that man. Hearing his winning voice pop up in Inglourious Basterds was a small treat too. Damn you, Jackson! Just when I thought I was out…

   More of: The Red Violin

   Less of: Jumper

 

8 Anthony Hopkins 58%

            Hopkins is admittedly tricky. He’s had a long, long career and been in some truly great movies during his pre-fame days. I started my counter with Silence of the Lambs, when he moved beyond the position of respected character actor to Oscar-bate superstar. We should’ve known something like this might happen when Lambs was followed by Freejack. Prone to phoning-it-in a lot of the time, he’s still an undeniable talent, and I can always watch him. Plus he just seems to keep getting more grizzled, which is fun.

   More of: Titus

   Less of: Instinct

 

7 Ben Affleck: 60%

            Affleck got lucky here, re: getting 60%. Despite having one of the greatest two-year shit cycles I’ve ever seen with Surviving Christmas, Jersey Girl, Paycheck, Gigli, and Daredevil, he did previously manage to sneak into some decent films like Shakespeare in Love and Boiler Room while throwing his critical goodwill away with Phantoms and Armageddon. Plus I decided to be gracious and allowed Chasing Amy to be counted. In the past few years he’s managed to start turning things around and make a few acceptable films. I’m glad he seems to be figuring things out.

   More of: Changing Lanes

   Less of: He’s Just Not That Into You

 

 

6 Adam Sandler: 71%

            Yeah, that’s right. I like Adam Sandler. I can’t help it! I was at an impressionable age during his SNL tenure, and his first CD and Billy Madison were comedic staples of my youth. And even though I haven’t enjoyed an “Adam Sandler movie” since The Wedding Singer, he keeps me holding on with his more dramatic performances.

   More of: Funny People

   Less of: The Longest Yard

 

5 Will Smith: 72 %

            Will Smith, man. I don’t know what it is about the guy. I rarely even want to see his movies, they often seem so unappealing. And it’s not like with Sandler; I don’t have a nostalgic bias from his “Parents Just Don’t Understand” or TV days. He’s… he's... just so likable! And he’s good. Ali proved that (while simultaneously being a horribly flawed film). Curse ye, Smith, you inexplicably lovable freak! Quit embarrassing me in front of my friends!

   More of: Men in Black

   Less of: Seven Pounds

 

4 Ryan Reynolds: 76%

Despite his outward frat-boy appearance, I've always liked Reynolds's self-awareness and knowing deprecation. He's like a young Chevy Chase, only likable. Though I expected Reynolds to have an even worse record than 76%. As a leading man he’s working with a pretty huge FAIL, but he’s managed to save himself with stand-out supporting roles in films like Harold and Kumar. It seems like maybe he’s finally getting the swing of things.

   More of: Andventureland

   Less of: X-Men Origins: Wolverine

 

3 Sylvester Stallone: 78%

            Ah, Stallone, you magnificent bastard. I feel no shame in loving you despite the fact that nearly every movie you make is total horseshit, and, because you generally took a pass at the screenplay, it’s unequivocally your fault. It helps that when you’re bad, you’re so bad it’s good. That makes my fandom much easier. It’s nice to see a minor return to form in the past couple years. Keep on, keepin’ on. Or don’t. Frankly I like it either way.

   More of: Rambo

   Less of:  D-Tox

 

2 Ewan McGregor: 78%

            Here’s one that really confuses me, cause it seems like McGregor tries to make interesting movies. On paper he makes interesting choices. He’s not Smith, going for maximum mainstream appeal at all times. He makes a lot of indie films and unique smaller studio films. Yet they generally suck just as much as the Star Wars prequels. You are an enigma Ewan McGregor.

   More of: Trainspotting

   Less of:  The Island

 

1 The Rock: 100%

Yup. I have not liked a single film Duane Johnson has appeared in. Nor am I wrestling fan. There's no truly logical rationale here. I just like the guy and think he’s got real star potential. He generally has found a way to be the best part of many of the crap films he’s in, but boy o’ boy can this dude NOT pick ‘em. Please, somebody put this man in a good film. Please. Soon. Before those muscles start to sag.

   More of: Anything!

   Less of: Everything

 

 

* My ranking criteria, if you're curious:

 

a) I decided not to pick on “working actors,” meaning actors who don’t have the luxury to pick and chose what films they make. Parker Posey has a pretty awful track record of late, but she’s not Reese Witherspoon. She’s receiving material that other people have probably already turned down. Woman’s gotta eat.

 

b) I only used current actors. Orson Welles had a very high turd count over his career, but what’s the point of picking on the dead?

 

c) I also didn’t pick on actors who are already out of a slump. Bill Murray and Johnny Depp fixed whatever was going wrong. No reason to bring up bad memories.

 

d) There are plenty of great actors out there with obnoxious filmographies - Steve Martin and Eddie Murphy, for example. But I have successfully written these people off. Did Pink Panther 2 already come out? I’m honestly not sure.  

 

e) To be fair, I didn’t include films from before an actor became famous enough to call the shots. I’m also giving them the benefit of the doubt, rounding up “okay” movies to qualify as “good” (I gave Will Smith I Am Legend, for example). And I am not counting cameos, unless they were noteworthy ones.