Worm's Eye View: Blair Witch Still Sucking 10 Years Later
- By Mighty Worm
- Published 09/10/2009
Mighty Worm
In 1957, Mighty Worm tragically drowned at camp while counselors were inconsiderately having
sex. Or so everyone thought! Ambiguously undead, Worm vengefully
returned decades later and has been happily killing sexy idiots ever
since. He's fought Corey Feldman and Freddy Krueger and even gone into
space where he became part robot.
He hopes someday to fight Michael Meyers and a Predator.
The Blair Witch Project underwhelmed the shit out of me when I saw it in theaters back in 1999, but since it just celebrated its tenth bday I figured enough time had passed that I should give it another whirl.
I remember reading about BWP on the Internet my freshman year of college (which was also the first year I’d ever used the Internet – oh, simpler days). I was intrigued by all the hype coming out of Sundance. “Scariest movie ever” seemed to be gist. I liked the angle they were playing, pretending that the movie was real. But once I actually saw the film I left disappointed.
I’m a big horror nerd, so I felt disconnected when the film went on to become a genre landmark (not to mention cinema landmark). At the time that disconnect took on the form of loathing, as it so often does in such situations. Hearing people talk about how scary and great the movie was pissed me off. As the years passed, the dust settled, and people stopped talking about it, I’d grown curious to revisit the film. This sort of thing happens from time to time, and years down the road I often end up liking the thing I used to detest.
Well, alas, my expectations were once again met with disappointed. I still didn’t like the film.
“In October of 1994, three student filmmakers disappeared in the woods near Berkittsville, Maryland while shooting a documentary.
A year later their footage was found.”
A great opener. In fact, the whole opening section is great in its dullish realism. A wonderful calm before the storm. The problem is that the storm never comes. It’s a calm before the further calm. I don’t think the movie is bad, necessarily. I simply find it boring (incredibly boring at times). And unfortunately the dullness was compounded on this second viewing since I already knew nothing was ever going to pop out and scare me. Don't take that to mean that I judge a horror movie based on jump scares. Cause I don't. But when a movie's "scary" scenes are made up almost entirely of blurry shots pointing into black nothingness, well, the only thing that keeps it from being maddeningly tedious is the thought that something might happen. Blurry shots of nothing make for lackluster repeat viewings.
The only thing that improved for me this time around was the acting. Previously I found it all unbelievable and poor. I still found Mike to be behind the game, but Heather is actually quite good and believable. Maybe I just hadn’t met enough wannabe filmmaker girls yet. And Josh is great. The movie really suffers once he disappears. They should’ve gotten rid of Mike, as his added screen time put further strain on his limited abilities.
The first time I saw the film the only part I liked was the climax in the old house. That stuff is still great. It’s the only portion of the film that demonstrates any kind of filmmaking artistry. Previously the existence of the two cameras had severed only for repeated gags of two camera operators pointing their respective cameras at each. Now suddenly there was a reason, and it heightened the tension of these two people separately searching a dark house. Also a brilliant use of sound – giving Mike the camera with a mic, so when he's attacked and we switch over to Heather, there's that fantastic bit of dread created by hearing her voice slowly getting louder and knowing she's approaching danger. And of course that final shot of Mike in the corner. A perfect example of how having a great ending can elevate an entire movie.
But… it can only elevate it to a point.
BWP got a lot of love, and still does, for being an innovative movie – introducing us to the POV faux-docu subgenre. Of course, that’s not totally accurate. The Last Broadcast came out the year before and Cannibal Holocaust (which is a much more powerful take on essentially the same gimmick) came out 20 years prior. To be fair, your average filmgoer had not seen those films. But whatever. Even if BWP were the first POV movie, being the first to do something isn't equatable to quality. The Great Train Robbery was the first movie to use modern film editing. That’s a reason to mention it in a film history book. No one puts it on their 'greatest movies ever made' lists. If I were teaching a class about film and POV movies were a topic, I’d mention BWP's existence, but I’d show the students [REC].
Novelty aside, BWP is simply not good enough to warrant its legacy.
That's my piece. But I think it only gentlemanly to end on a positive note…
Blair Witch Project, we haven’t always gotten along or seen eye-to-eye, but, well, you totally didn’t deserve the beyond horrible sequel you got. That wasn’t cool.
I remember reading about BWP on the Internet my freshman year of college (which was also the first year I’d ever used the Internet – oh, simpler days). I was intrigued by all the hype coming out of Sundance. “Scariest movie ever” seemed to be gist. I liked the angle they were playing, pretending that the movie was real. But once I actually saw the film I left disappointed.
I’m a big horror nerd, so I felt disconnected when the film went on to become a genre landmark (not to mention cinema landmark). At the time that disconnect took on the form of loathing, as it so often does in such situations. Hearing people talk about how scary and great the movie was pissed me off. As the years passed, the dust settled, and people stopped talking about it, I’d grown curious to revisit the film. This sort of thing happens from time to time, and years down the road I often end up liking the thing I used to detest.
Well, alas, my expectations were once again met with disappointed. I still didn’t like the film.
“In October of 1994, three student filmmakers disappeared in the woods near Berkittsville, Maryland while shooting a documentary.
A year later their footage was found.”
A great opener. In fact, the whole opening section is great in its dullish realism. A wonderful calm before the storm. The problem is that the storm never comes. It’s a calm before the further calm. I don’t think the movie is bad, necessarily. I simply find it boring (incredibly boring at times). And unfortunately the dullness was compounded on this second viewing since I already knew nothing was ever going to pop out and scare me. Don't take that to mean that I judge a horror movie based on jump scares. Cause I don't. But when a movie's "scary" scenes are made up almost entirely of blurry shots pointing into black nothingness, well, the only thing that keeps it from being maddeningly tedious is the thought that something might happen. Blurry shots of nothing make for lackluster repeat viewings.
The only thing that improved for me this time around was the acting. Previously I found it all unbelievable and poor. I still found Mike to be behind the game, but Heather is actually quite good and believable. Maybe I just hadn’t met enough wannabe filmmaker girls yet. And Josh is great. The movie really suffers once he disappears. They should’ve gotten rid of Mike, as his added screen time put further strain on his limited abilities.
The first time I saw the film the only part I liked was the climax in the old house. That stuff is still great. It’s the only portion of the film that demonstrates any kind of filmmaking artistry. Previously the existence of the two cameras had severed only for repeated gags of two camera operators pointing their respective cameras at each. Now suddenly there was a reason, and it heightened the tension of these two people separately searching a dark house. Also a brilliant use of sound – giving Mike the camera with a mic, so when he's attacked and we switch over to Heather, there's that fantastic bit of dread created by hearing her voice slowly getting louder and knowing she's approaching danger. And of course that final shot of Mike in the corner. A perfect example of how having a great ending can elevate an entire movie.
But… it can only elevate it to a point.
BWP got a lot of love, and still does, for being an innovative movie – introducing us to the POV faux-docu subgenre. Of course, that’s not totally accurate. The Last Broadcast came out the year before and Cannibal Holocaust (which is a much more powerful take on essentially the same gimmick) came out 20 years prior. To be fair, your average filmgoer had not seen those films. But whatever. Even if BWP were the first POV movie, being the first to do something isn't equatable to quality. The Great Train Robbery was the first movie to use modern film editing. That’s a reason to mention it in a film history book. No one puts it on their 'greatest movies ever made' lists. If I were teaching a class about film and POV movies were a topic, I’d mention BWP's existence, but I’d show the students [REC].
Novelty aside, BWP is simply not good enough to warrant its legacy.
That's my piece. But I think it only gentlemanly to end on a positive note…
Blair Witch Project, we haven’t always gotten along or seen eye-to-eye, but, well, you totally didn’t deserve the beyond horrible sequel you got. That wasn’t cool.
