The Neurotic Monologues: When desperation meets creativity – IMAGINATON 2008
- By Natalia Castro
- Published 10/16/2008
Natalia Castro
Natalia Castro is an accident prone silly creature with a deep love for (and a B.A. degree in) film and television. In her spare time, she enjoys destroying things and putting them back together, playing with her furious kitten, making doodles, trying to sleep and failing miserably, and absorbing as much useless information as possible.
DISCLAIMER: I know this blog is not meant to be used as a medium to bitch about personal shit, but please bear with me. There’s a point to this load of crap.
I have this theory about those who choose the creative industries as their livelihood: We are composed of 10% creativity, 10% luck and 80% stupidity. I say this because even the most realistic person - the most aware of the difficulties that life in the creative fields like film and television entail – will truly believe their love for their chosen field will be enough to succeed.
I am one of the many whose love just wasn’t enough. So right after I finished film school I hit the wall, crashed, burned, fell through the horrible abyss of failure, reached the bottom and kept falling, all of these prompted by taking my very first job as a pro editor.
It’s been 3 years since the beginning of the death of my career, and it hasn’t all been bad. A few freelance jobs, a short screenplay and a successful experimental short film have kept me relatively sane. However, there are times when the initial wave of depression returns and the silly thoughts plague my mind: the destruction of my childhood dreams, the one that got away, the hope that someone will find me good enough to give me a full time job, and the ever present fear of making a living out of saying on a minute to minute basis “Would you like fries with that?”.
And that wave of depression - reinforced by the flu, the imminent death of a relative that just won’t die, a mind block from hell and monetary concerns - has hit me HARD this week.
But instead of sulking and indulging in sweet passive-aggressive self destruction like I usually do, I’ve decided to be proactive for once and enter IMAGINATON
Fun? You bet. It also isn’t as easy as it may sound to the inexperienced, for a minute of film or television is closer to being an eternity more than eternity itself.
Ok, so I’m totally being overdramatic and melodramatic, but when it comes to filmmaking, a minute is a long time.
So tomorrow I’ll pay my subscription fee and try to force a cool concept out of my brain.
Will desperation meet creativity? Who knows! Imaginaton happens every two years. I might as well be part of it this year instead of beating myself for not participating.
More to come soon!






