A Nice Hard Slap - Fuck This Face.

Fuck your own face, you little bitch

Your face looks like a big hairy twat.

in the words of edward cullen, "you are utterly absurd!"

Ohh you poor thing. I think ugly guys grew out of their insecurities but clearly not in your case. Pattinson is the hottest and sexiest actor around. Get used to it as he'll be around for a very long time.

What an ASS! You are... Love must never have graced your existence. The story is about love. Get a grip. If you are jealous of Robert Pattinson's face, then, you need to breath deep, step away from the computer, look up at the sky, and realize that people are people. If his visage is so heinous to you, then don't look. If Twilight is the bane of your existence, then don't write about it, and don't see it. What a whiny dolt.

Another geek site that has a go at Rob to get hits on their site. Its all so boringly predictable now. At least I had a good laugh when I saw your face. I think I'll rename you Ugly Yeti.

Oh, and if you reply to my response, I won't be reading it. Because, I'm not coming back. So don't bother.

Let me see who has the better life. Pattinson - who hangs out with top supermodels and can have great screws every night and the Ugly Yetti (thanks Carolyn mind if I steal that name) who doesnt have a life but spends all time writing about other people's. Poor thing. Go on get out into the real world before its too late and have a life.

What a tosser. Ugly tosser too. I bet you spend all night jerkng off too photos of Rob.

I'd let him suck my dick. then beat his face in with a hammer so he can never do it to anyone else.

What I think is the funny is the homely girls that are in the poster that this dude is surrounded by. If he is some super sexy vampire I am sure he could find some hotter girls to hang out with. I think the fact that they are trying to play up the "oozing sex" factor and then surrounding him with girls who are more likely to be found in the library on a Friday night instead of having wild sex with some hot stud, speaks to the demographic they are targeting here. Sure this vampire could get some hotter girls, but the ugly girls are so much easier.... I guess vampires are lazy just like everyone. I wonder what special powers he commands so that he is able to listen to endless converstation about "feelings" and how their daddy's won't them take out the Porsche and how it is "so unfair, I hate you, and you are ruining my life!!! I am going to get banged by some undead dude as revenge for you providing a perfect existence for me in which i only need to yearn for ways to gorge my ever increasing ego, which will be totally collapsed once I hit 25 and gravity takes it's toll on my already, just average appearance". Vampires don't age, so have your fun while it lasts. Their are plenty of spoiled rich girls to suck dry in the years to cum.

looks like pattison fans are heavy into googling. this is what happens when cosmogirl closes down.

haha.[nice article] i think you just wanted to get some comments. wow. i would be scared to sleep at night with all thoese,twilight fans. good luck not being in the wrong place at the wrong time yer self.

Nick, what hell hath thou wrought, you ugly, unshaven Yeti? Thanks to your despicable act of face-baiting, "Twilight" fans are going to feel justified in engaging in an ever escalating and brutal face war. They'll calibrate their attitudes towards others based on face and face alone. THIS face is lazy and shiftless; THAT face is better at math. Someday we'll look back on the time before October 16, 2008 as a more peaceful era, when members of all faces, Pattinsons and Yetis, Efrons and Olmoses, Trejos and Post-Ark Belloqs could all somehow work together in search of a greater purpose. Now we're doomed to a future from which no face will emerge a winner; for this, all our faces are losers. Fuck you, Nick, you beard-growing cocksucker. Fuck you.

You jealous tyke. It's not the usual vampirism. Give it a try and read the book.

You are hysterical! I completely agree with you on this one. That guy has the face of a true douchebag! Watch out though, all the teenies with Robert Pattinson on their google alerts are going to bomb the shit out of your comments!

Rob is gorgeous. Hahaha your jealousy amuses me. Seriously, anyone who takes the time to write about how much they hate Robert Pattinson or Twilight (or anything for that matter) must find something fascinating about it or they wouldn't bother. Thanks for the laugh though.

Robert Pattinson has a face carved by angels and I'm sure that you are just jealous of him. And as for Twilight. SHUT THE HECK UP! Just because you dont know what real love is doesnt mean that you can dis Twilight.

I'm not a teen I'm 25 and for all older Pattinson fans let me say: you are a fuckwit.

You've given me another laugh before bed time by removing your photo. At least put up a decent one of Rob and not that photoshoped to death crap image. There are lot of really hot ones you could use to pretend to be you. Please dont ever put your own one back up though. That was a hell of a shock earlier today. Actually Pattinson has just made a truly classic film called Little Ashes in which he plays Salvador Dali. No point telling you any more about it though as you'll just damn it before seeing it like always. You are too old to change your ways.

I just laughed so fucking hard. Let me tell you, you don't have to read that Twilight shit. I read it. It's fucking atrocious. Any unfucked Twilight Mom that tells you otherwise just simply can't say anything but "yes, yes, yes" because she can't stop banging her clit long enough to have an objective viewpoint. And tween girls? Well, they're just as fucking stupid as tween boys. Signed, Girl with a brain P.S. All you little twatlighters coming on here defending your vampire peen just really cement his point: that you're all a bunch of morons.

"It's not the usual vampirism". I love this comment. You're right. It's about a fucking vampire who SPARKLES IN THE FUCKING SUN. The only way I'd buy into that shit is if Tim Gunn approved it. And let me tell you, he'd declare that shit a hot mess.

"I'm undead and so sexy it'll hurt your tween clit" glare. BEST LINE EVER. It needs to be made into a T-shirt.

"I'm undead and so sexy it'll hurt your tween clit" glare. BEST LINE EVER. It needs to be made into a T-shirt.

I'm sorry Mommy ripped up your Star Trek poster when you were a tyke. That is all.

What's up with all the twatlighters using the word "tyke"? Are you guys all 90 years old and in dentures?

Me-Yow: I think it is because they are all essentially 90 year old women. Alone, sad, and with nothing but a couple of cats for companionship.

you get paid to write like that? the 12 year old retarded boy down the street could write better. come on that's not fair, at least try to write intelligently or with a bit of wit. not just "fuck this and fuck that. vampires are dumb." that's a cop out, they should dock your pay for this one.

Ba-hahahahaha! I *love* that you are using Rob's picture as your profile pic... but as Lawl implied earlier, it needs more SPARKLIES! (Seriously, that is all you need to know about _Twilight_. The vampires sparkle. It's a terrible book, but it is, admittedly, an entertainingly terrible book.)

Fuck trueblood as well. All this vampire bullshit needs to stop.

while i disagree that vampires are dumb i will say that this movie does look like one of the biggest pieces of shit in recent memory. the sheer fanbase alone pretty much gives away that the stupid series is nothing more than a one tree hill/ the oc show spiced up because they happen to be vampires. fucking stupid.

All of the Twilight losers use the word Tyke because apparently it is their messiah Rob's favorite English curse word. What a bunch of geeks. I say kudos to Pattinson, these ugly teenage hags are making him a millionaire as we speak! If I could get a bunch of brace-faced acne scarred freaks to give me their money I would be a sparkling vampire too!

Nice blog nick, twilight fans can eat shit. But you are one ugly fucker.

This is basically big budget "Passions". And you fans need to get a grip. Not everyone is going to like what you like. This is Nick's site and he can say what he wants when he wants for why he wants, it's YOU who don't have to come here and read it. Be like the pwnedgirl or whatever and never come back if you are so butt hurt. Besides, weren't you all pissed off at the author anyway for taking your beloved dead guy love story when she turned the last book into a horrorshow? Are you going to think it's still so dreamy when the baby bursts from the chicks belly like an alien chestburster? How romantic, they fuck like Klingons...

I think Nick would look live Devin if he cut his hair and got some glasses. Then they could both look like Kevin Smith wannabees.

Alpharetta's piss-poor answer to Chris Morris strikes again.

Nick, howzabout changing the title to "Nick's blog entry angers impotent shiteenagers, hilarity ensues"?

Let's see if I can make a comment w/out it degenerating into name calling, crude languageor personal insults. #1- Twilight is is a brainless soap opera w/vampires. Heard this one before? Yeah- the last popular supernatual soap opera was called Dark Shadows. #2- As w/all soap operas, Twilight is brainless, vapid, shallow, & hollow. In other words- mass entertainment. Fans get over it. It's not War & Peace. It's not a Nobel Prize winner. It's a piece of sausage that was cranked out. True love? Please- that's insulting, naive, and a fairy tale in itself. #3- Vampires are hack. There hasn't been anything original in a very long time. If you want an even slightly original take on vampires-pick up Brian Lumley's Necroscope. #4- Vampires romantic? Has anyone ever bothered to look into the origins of the vampire lore? It's based off of what we would call the actions of serial killers. The people at the time could not imagine a human ever perpetrating the unspeakable acts of cruelty, brutality, evil, etc that are associated w/sociapathic tendencies. Thus supernatural monsters such as vampires and werewolves were born. Ted Bundy liked to think of himself as a vampire too. Vampire romance? More like another missing persons wannabe. #5- Nick you have a point. Just need to make it w/out so much foul language (although it can be funny sometimes).

funniest comments section ever, take a stick and poke the bees nest and watch them get riled up. Article not too bad either. Also Nick are you deliberately trying to look like RJ Macready (not the mayor from Silither) because if so.. good effort.

Wow, dude. You are jealous because ALL females in the world are in love with Robert Pattinson -- so you can't get any. Maybe your girl dumped you because she was obsessed with him, too. I wouldn't be surprised.

Holy shit, Nick. I completely agree with you, and I don't think you're ugly. But fuck man, who the fuck are these angry bitches? You've brought upon you the wrath of the dork-girl vampire cunt brigade. Fuck these cunts and their love for vapid-looking bitch-ass effete vampire assholes.

I'd just like to welcome these hot blooded young ladies to the comments section. Don't listen to that nasty "Ugly Yeti". He's obviously just jealous of the more beautiful among us. I'm not familiar with this Twilight thing, but it sounds rather interesting. Would any of you like to meet up somewhere so you can tell me all about it? If you have trouble finding transport, just post your address here and I'll come over later tonight.

Very funny post. I agree, every aspect of Robert Pattinson in Twilight looks pretty cliched and ... bad. I tried reading Twilight to understand the hype, yeah that turned out to be worst five minutes ever. But you've got to admit, he is kinda cute! :)

Holy crap. All of a sudden I fucking LOVE the comments section. I think my favorite is when ali calls Little Ashes "a truly classic film." Let's see, some cutsie young brits playing Dali AND Bunuel? Yeah that sounds fucking great... Lets get some angel carved faces to be in "Dali & Bunuel: The Young Class" and all the 14 year old disaffected girls who own an art book fucking wet themselves. Get some piss in your mouth Pattinson fans.

I too have no desire to read the books or see the movie. In fact, I don't think I've seen any promotional materials except for those awful posters, not even the trailer, and the thing's supposed to be out in a month? Whatever. The girls at work won't shut up about it, and that's enough to make me not care at all. However, my best friend, who's in her early 20's and will read ANYTHING (including trashy romance novels), said something like "They're making THAT piece of shit into a movie?" when she heard about it. When someone can read and enjoy anything BUT that, that's really saying something. I think that this could be the "Sex in the City" for the female teen set though, where we'll see exactly how much a movie can make when you eliminate all but the built-in audience. I can see the boyfriends taking a stand and refusing to see this, and adults aren't likely to care at all.

Twilight Lover... Is the love between a vampire (a fictional being) and a tween (a being I wish was fictional) "real" love? If it is, your dissin Nunziata for never having had it grace his existence... Does that mean you've shared "real" love with a vampire, thereby giving you a frame of reference for knowing how awesome it is? The underlying point he's making is this: Vampires are getting old. Strike that -- they've been old. The vampire genre is now as old and undead as the topic upon which it is based. And I'm sorry, but if some one is a vampire, and they've lived for so long... how come they have awful taste in music? You mean to tell me that these victorian era vamps got to see Borrodin or Mozart live, and their favorite bands are UnderOath and Rob Zombie? BULL SHIT! I CRY FOUL! And for all the tweens out there getting upset over Nick's opinion of this book/movie deal: Get over it. I hope none of you attempt to leave your homes, because every day some one is going to dis something you hold dear. Take it like adults, and let it roll off your angsty shoulders.

TWILIGHT DEFENSE FORCE ASSEMBLE! Nick, you glorious misanthrope, that was masteful baiting.

Holy shit,*that's* what Nick looks like? Jesus Christ! How about a shave and a shower you fucking yeti?!

Young girls reading Chud. scary. But seriously Nick is on the money and yes he is ugly but he's still right. messi has spoken

I hope all these Twilight fans realize that if this character were real, as they no doubt wish he were, he would never bother with them. He'd be too busy banging the cheerleaders and preppy girls that you all hate. You know, the girls that don't weight 300 lbs, hang out at the mall on friday night, and use mountain dew as douche water.

Its a fact: 9 out of 10 fat girls love vampires! And cheesecake!

It's telling how many pro-Twilight posts came on Friday night during peak dating hours.

Twilight is just watered down Anne Rice. Although it is worth it to read the hilarious comments here.

every girl that replied negatively to this blog are stupid fucking cunts and should be rounded up at slaughtered like bleating cattle. period.

I don't hate on the vampires. I read Twilight to shut my wife up, and I thought the book was a steaming pile of crap - "Eh, you're mean I hate you! No, I love you! Eek! Bad vampires! I have to run away right now! What - the bad vampire will chase me all the way to Arizona and I'll never see you again? Eek! The evil vampire tricked me and I'm going to die! Ah, you saved me from the evil vampire! I love you!" It sucked, and the movie is going to suck, too, but I'll have to see it because I don't want to be single again...

Well... I'll leave it at: learn to use proper punctuation and your views might be less painful to read. Oh actually I'll add that a grown man with such oppressed and disgruntled sexual desires for tweens is repulsive in ways much more insulting than the creation of another Vampire movie.

OMG, I almost fell off my chair laughing at the responses to this blog entry. The gyrlz took offense! Classic.

Yeah lets call it what it is - necrophilia. Go dictionary.com that tweenboppers.

Wow, and I thought Star Wars fans were bad when it came to defending their franchise. the gyrlz are out with a vengeance!

Good goddamn, how did all of the bookish teen girls/sad 20-something women find this specific chud article? Twilight, according to the Wikipedia, is anti-feminist. It teaches that it's okay to change yourself for a boy, and that you should feel like dying if your first love doesn't work out. Which, as a masculist, I can get behind, but come on, ladies. A little dignity can't hurt.

Hehe... nice work, Nick. Although I must wonder at your meaning of "fuck this face"... if you mean fornicate with the front of that actor's head, then no thanks, you'd be likely to cut your dick on all the sharp angles. If, by fuck, you mean what axes do to chickens, then I'm right there with you. Does this mean we can't expect a Nunziata review of Twilight on CHUD then?

Is this the shit that normally ends up in Nick's mailbox? I guess we're all better off if it is displayed in the talk back section where it can provide entertainment and empirical data (in case someone's conducting a field study) for everyone.

Wow. I just spent five minutes reading through each and every comment. I have to say... I've never had more fun.

The sad thing is that whenever anybody criticizes Nicky Boy's own little projects with this much ill-informed venom, he climbs onto his crucifix and gets his panties in a big old butt hurt bundle. But other people's shitty horror projects? They're fair game.

i dont know about the rest of it, but im with ya on the pedophile shit, id love to fuck some tweens myself.

You are so right! That vampire dude's head is huge. He looks like a blood sucking douche bag from outer space. Fuck this gay movie and all the pole smoking vampires in it. They all lick balls. The people who are criticizing you for making fun of this fuckwad are a bunch of shitbrain ass-lickers. They can all go fuck themselves and their training bras. This movie will be total shit!!!

This blog post was great and all but I'm not really sure what to think. Can we get a counterpoint article from Countess Anna?

HILARIOUS...I love when someone writes a baited article for the entertainment of those who can tell its a baited article. Look at the fur fly! Mission accomplished...clearly

The hilarity continues! Nick, you should definitely make a tradition of this: every week post a disparaging comment about some worthless TV "actor" of the week, and the traffic will fly! I have no idea whom to name next, since the only series with a horrible lead actor that I watch is "Smallville", but I'm sure there are thousands of them for the picking. By the way, regarding those moronic fanteegirls of this guy - how did a crowd of creatures with the intelligence of a basket of cucumbers find CHUD, anyway...?

Oh, now that I read that it apparently has something to do with vampires, I think I know who they might be... this crowd: http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Vampires Wow, those are even more pathetic than regular Myspace teenagers.

Reading the Twilight fan response to this Slap has been better than waking up to a pile of living, breathing naked ladies.

Wow, that Twilight dude is one jagged-looking douche. I'll bet you could use his face to cut your steak. Anyway, I have no interest in this craptacular fuckfest called "Twilight", but they should totally turn the talkback section of this post into a movie. Comedy gold!

"Fuck this face until its cheeks are rosy, its hair is flattened out and the expression is of fatigue..." --Gladly, until my clit falls off. After that, sex would be like putting in a tampon in comparison, so who needs a clit anyway?

Wow. Fine piece of journalism.

Ok... clearly you are missinformed. How about before u judge something, you actually get ur facts straight? I'd tell u to go read twilight, but u are not worthy of such an amazing story. How about once u write a story that sells 3.5 MILLION copies, then you can talk. And that was just for Twilight. So, just do us all a favor and FUCK OFF!

I vote Nick should change the stupid vampire from 30DoN on the Dumb List to that fucking Edward douche.

"Vampires are dumb. Twilight is dumb (I've read zero pages and it's probably good but I'll never know because I don't want to be wrong when it comes ot horrible vampire bullshit). That this will be a phenomenon is dumb" I say you're dumb.

I am with Nick on this one. Dont slap vampire boy in his face, kick him in the balls.......hard. Do vampires wretch when kicked in the balls? I don't know but hey Wolman has nards so it would figure.

You want to know what happens when you kick a vampire in the balls, masteryoda007? They rip ur fucking head off. Good luck on that one.

I find all this buzz you guys are creating, absolutly hilarious. It is just a movie and just a book. Nick, I happen to think you are handsome. And guess what, I happen to be a Twilight fan (fucking surprise)! Read the books, will proabably see the movie. I have to agree with Nick that this picture of Rob is horrible and if it is Nick's choice to bag on it, then so be it. Perhaps I am now a blasphemouse twilight fan, but I am not going clit-tastic over this shit. Relax everyone, take a breath and come back to reality.

"I'd tell u to go read twilight, but u are not worthy of such an amazing story. " -------- best comment ever.

Obviously you have no idea what you're talking about, because you haven't read the book or seen the movie. You are just some wannabe movie critic that can't find enough losers that genuinely want to visit your site, so you posted a link about Twilight to capitalize on its popularity and increase your traffic! How many hits a day do you get now that you've linked the Twilight comments?? Bet you've more than doubled your usual 2 hits a day....thank god for stories like this one, maybe you can make a bit of money now and do something with these shiteous graphics! Why don't you leave the critiqueing of novels to be people that can actually read, and go back to your late night internet porn sessions. (You know, where you pretend you're Rob Pattinson so you can get 'laid'!)

I am sorry my angel-carved good looks offend you, my brother. Now, if you don't mind, I must go forth and use my face for good, like making babies laugh and toasting bread (but without that burnt smell).

....er Vampires are not real aksejbKB you fucking clown shoe

I love this site and I visit it pretty much every day, but don't really understand what kind of slow newsday must have led to this article getting posted. I had no desire to read these books at first, but now I've read the books and think the first 3 are pretty cool and the last one is shit. When it really gets going with the vampires and the werewolves I found it to be really exciting. I don't get all the anger though. So you don't like it, then don't watch it. There are many movies and books I think have been bullshit, but at least I take the mature step and inform myself about them. Your anger seems irrational and petty and you should be ashamed of yourself for igniting homophobic rhetoric. There are a lot of Gay Geeks out there too and don't need people like you stoking fires.

Hey, I'm all for equal opportunity eye candy. Maybe you women can finally shut the fuck up when we guys want to see some great racks & asses on screen.

tammi - Chud is one of the biggest and most informative movie sites on the web you dumbass. this is the site that breaks scoops variety and the hollywood reporter steals from.

Fuck this twilight shit. They're motherfucking vampies! fuck this pretty boy shit. Kill them! Put Blade in this universe so he can kill them all. It would be TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION!

You know that stereotype about fat goth girls? That one that says they have no sense of humor? Yeah, this isn't helping.

What do you find wrong with vampires?

I wonder if all these Twilight loving twits realize that they are making your point for you. I thought fanboys were bad. Until I read a page full of fangirl responses. Oy!

I wonder if all these ungrateful little fuckwits will ever stop jerking it in front of a computer and actually start living worthwhile lives. Only bored little boys pretending to be men would take the time to bash on something that girls (who they can't get because they're too big of fucking losers) love. Being a fan of Twilight does not make you a fat, ugly tween. I know that I am not fat, ugly, or underage. I also know that all of you Twilight bashers claim at least two of the previous adjectives. Go exercise, or something. Try not to break the treadmill.

Wow, you are just SO much better looking than Robert Pattinson that you can talk. Just because he can get laid, and you can't, don't take your gripes out on him.

Is this guy's name Nick, or Hagrid?

wow the fan bitches really came out in force for this one. and they usually dont have anything vaguely to say about anything. Kind of like the rest of the female species who arent funny (rarely shall i say) arent as good at music, art or as i said previous anything, compared to men. Only fucking men. which ironically men seem to be better at. Obviously not speaking from personal experience but merely from the fact that men fuck other men frequently, in an organized fashion down your local public toilets. and oh about fashion men seem to be better at dressing women too. so what next bitches? we gonna wipe your arses? Do something useful other than sticking up for this lame queer dressing up as a vampire.

FA.....FA....FA....FFFFFFAAAAAATTTTTTT GGIIIIRRRRLLLLLLSSSSSSS!!!!!!!! Twilight fucking sucks...awesome as always nick....i tried to read all the comments, but they wear me out after a while...really classic stuff though...glad the comments sectin are back!!!!!

Dear Nick, I really really need "Twilight" to be a big hit, that way I can become a tweenybop sensation and sell millions of magazines and pretend that I'm straight. Please don't make any more rude comments about "Twilight" or I will come and suck your blood. And maybe your cock. Love Forever, Robert "Jagged-Angle-Douche-Face" Pattinson

Wow, Nick, I am SO happy that all the people defending your work have no idea what they are talking about. Bopggy (whatever the fuck that means) you should really decide whether or not you are gay because it's not good to be on the fence too long, someone is gonna come puch your ass off. You say that guys are better at sex, but that you don't know from personal experience. So, what, you know from watching it from your favorite porno or what? Cause you acting like a queer, saying queers are better at sex, and then calling one of the sexiest guys on this earth queer all kind of conflicts with eachother. As far as the fat and ugly girl comments go--get real. I happen to be the hottest girl you will never fuck, and if that's all you can even think to come up with, go throw yourself off a building. You won't be missed.

I am both amazed and impressed by your total lack of creativity.... bashing something you have never read nor have any intention of reading.... That is a testament to your outstanding ability to FAIL AT LIFE...but who am I to judge? I do not know you and you are entitled to your opinion ;) But I will say this... be warned of the wrath of the twilight fandom....you are pissing off a fanbase comprised of hormonal teenagers and insane mothers who are incredibly bored with their lives....if they can treat their own beloved author with such distaste about her last book and the consequent cancellation of her next book, IMAGINE what they could do to you....

you two stupid bitches make my point for me. And you have no argument except for inaccurately calling me gay in so many homophobic ways that it only insinuates your homosexual denial. If you were to, i dont know, say for example, tell me one area where women are better than men. at something worthwhile now, you cant say whoring. hahah got ya. i know thats what you were thinking. piece of shit whore.

oooo... stupid bitches and piece of shit whore. harsh. you should be proud of your accomplishment.

your only facilities for defaming me are sarcasm and homophobia. typical woman. you still didnt answer my question... because you have no answer. thats all you are. a piece of shit whore. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I WIN! come on, what have you got to say? nothing. im making a point here. women are fucking shit. and iv proved it. you cant disprove it, so your calling me names. well im so upset. seriously. im almost sad. if it werent for that fact that i was naturally superior thanks to being male. and if your response is anything except making a case for women being of any use whatsoever, again, excluding whoring and childbirth which arent that great when you factor in VD and over-population, then you have once again proved my point. thanks bitch.

fuck you u littel fucking loser. 1)get a life 2)get laid for the first time in your life. 3)move out of your mom's house 4)quit bitching onlline on your dumb ass blog that NO ONE READS (the only reason i found this fuck hole if tru a twiligth website) ffuuckk uuu

get a life. trashing and talking shit about Twilight is going to stop the MILLIONS of fan girls from loving the book and movie and EDWARD CULLEN. We all know you are a geek, and that you don't have a life, so all you CAN DO is go talking nonsense and SHIT about Twilight. Dude, you are wasting your fucking time. None of the fangirls are going to even pay attetion to you, so why even try? YOU ARE JUST JEALOUS THAT A FICTIONAL CHARACTER NAMED EDWARD CULLEN ATTRACTS THE ATTENTION OF MILLION OF GIRLS WHEN YOU CANT EVEN ATTRACT ONE GIRL. THIS IS BULLSHIT MAN, BULLSHIT.

you fucking bitches!!!! im kinda only contributing this so the comments can get longer and this webiste can get more hits...thanks to all the skanks that keep our little site here running...believe me when i say you cant possibly say anything that we havent already said to each other...AND WE ARE ALL BUDS!!! twilight sucks your lame ass floppy titties and your smellie cooters...sorry this movie will crash and burn...i think we might know what we are talking about here...

WHAT AN ASSHOLE! TWILIGHT AND EDWARD CULLEN AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE FOR A LONG TIME, SO YOU BETTER GET A FUCKING LIFE AND GET USED TO IT YOU FREAKIN BASTARD. SO WHAT IF A FICTIONAL CHARACTER NAMED EDWARD CULLEN CAN CAPTURE THE LOVE AND ATTENTION OF MILLIONS OF FEMALES AROUND THE WORLD AND YOU CAN'T EVEN GET ONE....SO WHAT?! WE FANGIRLS DONT GIVE SHIT ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK, SO JUST SHUT THE HELL UP AND STOP WASTING YOUR FREAKIN TIME IN SOMETHING THAT IS NOT GOING TO DO ANY GOOD FOR YOU, AND IS JUST GOING TO BACKFIRE ON YOU. EDWARD CULLEN AND TWILIGHT ARENT GOING ANYWHERE FOR AT LEAST 5 YEARS, SO YOU BETTER GET USED TO IT. ME AND MILLIONS OF FEMALES OF MANY DIFFERENT AGES, COLORS, AND ETHNICITIES ENJOY AND LOVE EDWARD CULLEN AND TWILIGHT! SO JUST FREAKIN DEAL WITH IT!!! :)

The absolute best part of all of this is that the actor is super super super gay and these girls have no idea. There's something charming about teenage girls that have no gaydar whatsoever. It's like the girls who didn't know Lance Bass or Clay Aiken were gay.

Why all the diametric opposition? Vampire Sparkle Face vs. Nick? I'd put my slam to use and fuck the vampire-bitch face, AND I'd fuck Nick's face. Just me.

Wow. Looking at the poster for Twilight makes me realize one thing: blood ain't the only thing that Edward Cullen/Robert Pattinson sucks.

to my beloved imposter: step forward, admit your inadequacy, and receive TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION.

this is hilarious. seeing this movie never even crossed my mind, yet there are millions of these pre-menopause cacs out their ready to pounce.

hey mrs edward cullen- is twilight going anywhere? I didnt catch it in you last post if you mentioned it...oh and all personal insults at nick: sorry ladies, but i think the guy knows love...hes married and has a little girl...nice try though...fat girls

Wow ... This is absolutely hilarious! And the best part is, THEY JUST KEEP COMING! Thank God I don't actually know any of these people ...

I stopped reading on third sentence. Just stop it already.

It never ceases to amaze me just how retarded all of these boys are. Yes, boys, girls love Twilight, get over it. You don't have to call names. Boppgy- You really aren't convincing anyone that you're straight. Only children play this game. I'm out.

Greatest Comments Thread Ever! I love all the little girls posting about Nick not getting laid. He probably reads those posts while playing with his daughter and wondering, "Well then where the fuck did YOU come from, kid?"

the mailman

I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS

The only really good vampire movie is Nosferatu, and that's eighty-five years old

Wow. Talk about opening a can of worms hahahahahahaha. Jesus, these girls are defending this guy like he's their best friend or something, and in real life he probably wouldn't give them the time of day. Hilarious.

yet again anothing supposed 'insult' to me via challenging my sexuality. It doesnt work of course, and i only wish you knew how much. Because i am not homophobic, and i am not gay, i would quite happily tell you all i'm as gay as a tree. if in fact i were. i wish that i was to be honest because as stated, men do a much better job of fucking men than women do. but you cant accept that and you have to denigrate them to feel better about yoursef. unlike men, who just have to be themselves to feel better about themselves because they are of course better than women. As i have stated and proved and you have yet again failed to come up with any reason why women are even half decent, that doesnt relate to being a slut or bearing a child. ANYONE? PLEASE? ID LOVE TO HEAR A DECENT ARGUMENT AGAINST MY CASE BUT WOMEN ARE SO SHIT THAT THEY CANT EVEN STICK UP FOR THEIR OWN.

It IS funny Pat. your so right. And its funny how women 'like things' simply because theres a hot guy involved and no other valid reasons. Its like they went fanny piss over the beatles (shit) nsync (shit) Bross (shit) and they fucking shat and pissed themselves over those things. you dont see guys turning up in hordes to see girl bands. because most guys have integrity. it might not be the 'i'll stay with you because your threatening to cry if i break up with you' integrity that women wish we would have, but its our integrity. Our infatuation with the opposite sex results in stuff like the Red Light District. If you want to fuck something, fuck it, dont pretend to like its music.

cunt.

These comments are really the cherry on top of an already awesome article. Ladies, here's something you may not know: Sometimes, somebody may not like the things that you like and that's okay. I did read the first two books, and they struck me as nothing more than Mary-Sue fiction. My girlfriend reads shiloads of vampire romance novels and she couldn't get past the first 30 pages of Twilight because it was so badly written and in her words, "It's like freebasing Nutra-Sweet." I'd love to see some of these girls' heads explode if they read a vampire book like Lost Souls by Poppy Z. Brite.

It appears that I may have underestimated the rabid Twilight fanbase when I put in my short sell order on Pattinson's stock on HSX. C'mon HSX, I need you to come back up! My portfolio could be crashing! This story does validate the return of comments. I was wrong, Nick was right. You win.

I wholly agree. This movie looks like an exercise in buttfuckery. To say that this movie is unique and about love yadda yadda says nothing about it's quality. I've seen very many shitty love stories that stupid chicks love because they have nothing better in their lives than to watch shit that romanticizes fictional creatures. From commercials this movie looks like nothing but a rehash of every other vampire movie that's been made in the past decade. Hot guys, docile girls that every girl wants to be but is too much of a slut to have actually ever been, fast action that mimics every other action scene in any other movie since last year, Big Love from House trying to look tough... Let's face it, he has a point. They are trying to sell a shitty movie to women with a guy has a look on his face that says "Fill me up with vinegar please!" Easy money, advertise a douche bag and the women will come running.

this article SUCKS!! ya im a twlight fan && an Edward fan but its just like other ppl have said if u hate something/someone so much why talk about it. Go ahead and bag on robert pattinson i think they could of gotten some better actors for the movie && the movie obviously wont live up to the book...but DONT bag the book unless you read it. obviously vampires arent real and if your gonna believe they are just because you read the book then you are dumb. The book is really good an surpirse im not a tween and i dont have a sad life i have a family bf & daughter

learn to spell correctly, dummy. You may not be a tween, but you spell like a moron. Is it that much harder to type the word "people" and "you"? Please tell me exactly what you have done with the extra half of a second you saved by shortening all of your words. Did you then use that extra time to make sure you doubled up on all of your ampersands? Because that made a whole lot of sense.

OHH doesnt it look like someone is jealous of this BEAUTIFUL face of Rob.. Who plays a BEAUTIFUL VAMPIRE!! poor ugly jealous Nick! IDIOT!!

Shut up, you stupid cunt.

I work at a bookstore and I've read quite a bit in my life from Lord of the Rings, to Moby Dick (for fun, seriously). I wanted to not like the Twilight books either, I wanted them to be dumb girl crap, but honestly, they were quite read-able and well interesting. I don't know how the movie will be though the characters do look really overstyled in the promo photos. Seriously, we sell tons of copies of crap books all of the times (look at the DaVinchi Code *poorly writte, bad plot and fucking tedious*) As tween books go though Twilight is shoulders above the Eragon books (I think he should've waited till he was eighteen before he let forth with his mismash of dragon/star wars plot/LOTR storyline. Honestly, I'm done reading chud, there hasn't been anything worthwhile to read in a long time, I used to like the reviews but done. Also stop with the lameass drawings, Nick, you aren't an artist. Seriosuly.

Jesus H. Christ!

more posts that illustrate that women are shit.

Have you ever heard of reading a book BEFORE you judge it. Twilight is a romance/fantasy and if you don't like that SUCK IT UP!!!!!!!!! There are people in the wolrd that enjoy this saga and have read it numerous times. Also if your going to bicth about Rob Pattinson you should just keep your hands away from the keyboard.

Nick's right, these comments are glorious. Just think of the antithesis for the holocaust and 9/11 combined and this is what you get. Unless you actually like Twilight. What a cruel twist of fate that those who would be fans of Twilight are mostly illiterate.

Twilight fans can eat a bag of poison cum.

Bopggy, did you get dumped?

Damn this generated a lot fo buzz. My only fear is what the original author for thsi series is going to get(shitstorm wise) by talklike this. Obviously folk are on 2 sides of a fence and discussions like this are going ot stoke the flames. I worked through another book of hers(Stephanie Meyer) and stumbled across the fact she did the twilight series. She got death threats when twilight was slated for a NOV release when Harry potter was ganked back. DEATH THREATS. DOes anyone here consider the misery and fear an artist has to endure because something they spent hundreds of hours and creative juices is so loved AND hated it could destroy their lives? I admire the passion of those supporting her and this movie, but I can't admire threats, name calling, and abuse aimed at nick for voicing his own thoughts. Or the same aimed at the makers of this film.

kudos to Evilkinggumby

I don't like or hate this uber-hyped up Twilight but this blog post was just plain senseless and insubstantial. So why do you actually hate it then? Prejudice? Jealousy? Your reasoning sounds like that of a pimply 12-year-old dork hating on the school jock just because he's popular. Hope you did some actual "research" before writing this one. It would have been more credible and reasonable. You could have differentiated yourself from the incessant blind obssession of these Twilight fans. Just some good ol' advice for you dude!

TWILIGHT IS AMAZING!! AND SO IS EDWARD CULLEN! WHO FUCKING CARES IF HE'S FICTIONAL!!!! LIKE SERIOUSLY! JUST BECAUSE I WEIGH 283 LBS AND HAVE NEVER HAD A BOYFRIEND DOESN'T MEAN THAT THE AMAZING FICTIONAL CHARACTER OF EDWARD CULLEN WOULDN'T HAVE SEX WITH ME! IF HE WANTED TO SUCK MY BLOOD, I'D LET HIM, SO SCREW ALL THE HATERS!! ONE DAY YOU'LL SEE...EDWARD CULLEN WILL FUCK ME, AND IT'LL ALMOST BE AS GOOD AS SEX WITH MY OWN FATHER!!

You guys should know that Robert is not really interested in any women, as we've been lovers for almost 2 years now. I'm pretty sure he's not picturing any FatTweenGirl twat when I've got my 9 inch cock up his ass.

Where the hell are you people coming from? Did you skip 3rd period and do a google search on your i-phone while giving head to the back-up quarterback so you can wear his varsity jacket? Do you even know what this site is about? Honestly, who is the pathetic one? This is where Nick posts his articles. You are patrolling the entirety of the internet with the incessant need to defend your garbage on random sites that you are obviously not a dedicated reader of.

goatgoblet, you're right about Nosferatu. One of the only truly scary vampire films and nearly a century old. Fucking Count Orlock could eat this Twilight douche for bloody breakfast. Of course, he won't cuz he doesn't want to contract AIDS

I heard that the alternate ending of this film is actually Nick fucking Robert Pattinson's face while Kerr Smith goes to town on his ass. Bet the Twilight gals will love that

I just read Twilight to see what all the commotion was about and I have to say that--being an avid reader--this book was most likely one of the biggest wastes of my time. It was so terrible, I think it gave me cancer

I have to agree with you, Elizabeth. Twilight should be banned as a form of cruel and unusual punishment, not turned into a glossy, Hollywood-crapfest. And this Robert Pattinson isn't even that attractive, and seems kinda wimpy. Rosie O'Donnell might be more masculine.

Tell me about it, Princess! If my someone asked me to read it to them, I'd decline, based on the fact that I wouldn't want to commit euthanasia.

Breaking news! 4 out of 5 doctors say that Twilight gives you AIDS, and that liking it makes you a fucking nitwit. The 5th doctor couldn't be reached for comment, as he'd already thrown himself out of his loft window after reading that trashy piece of shit.

You're not wrong about Twilight, Nick. I read the first one and well... it's the only book I've gotten MAD at. I wasted a few precious hours on that book. I wanted to burn it. An old friend of mine was actually offended that I found that book to be nothing more than badly written wish fulfillment. Pretty vampires are so old hat. Bring back the monsters (but in a truly scary way... no more of this glitzy Hollywood romance bullshit)!

i just want to comment on all the negative remarks regarding this movie and book,,,i had never heard of it before,until one day a few weeks ago, i found the book layin on an airport chair,,,i read the back of it and laughed,,,i was thinking "what a joke" well my flt got delayed and to kill time i decided to read some of the book,,,well next thing u know,,i am more than half way done...finished the book on the plane,,,got off the plane and went to an airport bookstore and payed full price for book 2..needless to say,,,it was a simple read,,a good read and a fun read,,,i am also male in my 30's and really got into the story,,,if this movie is a hit i hope they make all of them...cuz once the 1st book is over and they start getting into the "history" of the vampires and werewolves it REALLYtakes off...if i had read all the shit people are saying and writing here i never would have read it and missed out...i also passed the book along to 4 friends as well...all liked it....we all plan on see'ing the movie,,,another thing i read about the movie is that they filmed it "old school" meaning,,,REAL sets REAL locations REAL stunts and very little CGI SHIT!!! so by the sound of it,,it sounds like good ol fashion movie makin ...i'll give it a chance before i shoot my CLULESS mouth off ....and it seems like a lot of readers here have done that,,,WITHOUT even readin the books! SHAME! ;) your missing out

you obviously dont understand how much your post is a damning critique of the book.

The main problem I have with this movie is that the actors look like a bunch of douches! Yes, douches, mooks, dickbags to be precise! How about putting some real effort behind this poor excuse for a vampire film and hire people that don't look like wimpy ball munchers. Why does every young actor have too look like feeble and blatantly gay in today's films? These guys are supposed to be vicious vampires not pansy hairdressers from the planet Uranus. I don't care how good the story might be. Poor casting makes for a poor movie! Fuck this shit!!!

ok jerkzilla apparently you have a problem with everything lol i will use whatever shortform i want to when i want to. fuck your insults dont hurt what are you like a 50 yr old man with no life or family & hides behind a computer lol.........anyways oh cares if vampires are old, if the books werent that good would it even of gone to a movie i doubt it lol but everyone has there own opinions but if you havent read it you cant really judge =)

Let's face it folks, this movie is super gay! As in full of pole-smoking dudes pretending that they are angry old vamps. The dude in the poster doesn't even look human or heterosexual. The title "twilight" even sounds light in the loafers. Will there be a guest appearance by Andy Dick or Lance Bass? This is awful teenybopper crap! The entire movie smokes pole!!!

BE MY VICTIM!!!!

twilightfan (smileyface), I read the first two books, as I have already stated in a previous post. So I can safely say that they are indeed Mary-Sue garbage. I can also safely say that trying to read your "retort" was an excercise in pain. It took me 3 tries to figure out what the fuck you were saying. By that time my eyes were bleeding. By the way, I'm a lot younger than 50, I've been living with my girlfriend for 3 years, and I do have a life...it's just that I also have a very boring job.

Amazing peek into a fanbase I knew nothing about. Girls, someday you will look back and cringe at your slavish devotion to that douchey face. Nick: I love your Yetocity. Stay hard.

Anyone with half a brain can see that this movie is a total piece of douche-bag propaganda. The lead girl in the movie isn't even semi-attractive. All the guys in the movie look like they have been butt fucked by Lance Bass. Anyone defending this movie should have their head examined. This shit is totally gay! Fuck all you Twilight lovers! You all suck a huge undead decomposing cock!

says the "non-gay" Luke Perry

i'm a girl. and i'm a twilight fan. but i have to say this blog is really entertaining! haha. twilight is fictional. and i don't expect everybody to love it. my friend doesn't like it. i do. but we're still friends. i respect her opinion. i guess i'm just one of those girls who were stupidly in love back in high school. how many people have seen this site? :D

for all the people who find it humorous the amount of twilight fangirls on here defending their "beloved book", check the ratio of actual twilight fangirls and the number of people who comment on it's hilarity. i think you'll find there are more of the latter.

i admit i also hate this photo of rob he look old but have u tried to look other photos of rob in the internet? i dont think so...... alam mo ba nanakakainit ka ng ulo nakakabad trip ka ha!! insecure ka lang noh kc hindi ka gwapo and talented like rob. kung pangit si rob ano ka?!? mukha kang paa at amoy paa k pa!!!!!!!! gud luck translating this one

Ladies if you ran into Nick walking down the street you's say he looks Hetero while if you saw Robert Pattinson walking down the street you would assume he's gay.

edella, I hate to break it to you but no one will take the time to translate that one. Nobody cares.

I agree with LukePerry and many of the other posters. This movie looks like a huge piece of human feces. Stinky and quite effeminate! All you women, er I mean little girls who like this stuff should see a shrink and possibly get a lobotomy! Any guys who like this crap are definitely major tool tokers. Edella, post #163, you must be a mental midget. Who cares about your cryptic code writing. You suck just as much as this idiotic film! This film has gone full retard!

i'm translating edella's comment: "do you know that you're pissing me off !!. you're just insecure because you're not good-looking and talented like rob. if rob's ugly, then what do you think of yourself?!? you look and smell like a foot ![literally]"

ok jerkzilla....if the books are that bad you shouldnt of made it to the second one :S i know if i dont like a book i dont even finish the first one let alone going on to the second one.....oh ya & i think if your eyes were bleeding you wouldnt be able to see...but thats just what i think lol

lukeperry.....if you read the book you woul know bellas not ment to be good looking shes ment to be a normal girl. yeah im defending the book but fuck guys it is fictional just a sorce of entertainment

I agree with Nick 100%. My girlfriend is a fan of the books and even she expects the movie too be horrible.

Nick: That is some of the funniest shit I've read in a while. Thanks. Also, remember that Billy Ripken baseball card where Fuck Face was written on the bat. This dude should get smacked with that bat.

By Hollywood standards, if you look like a total dickbag and your head is larger than E.T.'s, then you can play a young vampire. The young ladies who are defending this shit are a bunch of boneheads. This is the extremely poor man's version of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, except that the people in this movie look like deformed cock-smokers! Can we get a serious Vamp flick that doesn't include rejects from the "Queer As Folk" cast? Can people actually believe that this sissy vampire guy actually likes girls instead of pole? I feel that the Apocalypse is approaching.

Nick, in that photo you look like Oliver Reed doing a commercial for L'Oreal Elvive.

I was thinking he'd sat down for a photo but at the crucial moment heard someone opening a bag of chips within a 5 mile radius. It's like that Forest Gump thing where he can never have a photo taken without closing his eyes. Nick is always looking off to the side trying to locate the source of delicious snackfood sounds.

Shirt seen at ComiCon: "I don't read comics, I'm here for Twilight"

I don't undertand all the vitriol spewed forth by you lot. It's an adaptation of a Romeo and Juliet esq novel of course it's going to appeal to a teen girl audience, why the hatred? To target the actor is unfair, so he happens to have been blessed in the looks department well lucky him, your attacks just seem petty and more than a little motivated by jelousy. Leave the Twilight girls and thier idol alone and let them have thier fantasy. Your only fourteen once

I have a question for the Twilight readers. How is the villain shown in the trailer described in the book? I'm talking about the blonde guy with the pony tail.

As for the photo of Nunziata -- he looks like Rob Bottin.

"He's made a point to keep all of his film related business private..." Yeah, right. That's what all those videos for that shitty Grizzly Park movie were, not to mention the 11 Colonels who have yet to Attack. Maybe you've mellowed a bit since Hollywood gave you the boot, but you'll always be a delusional self-promoter with several irons in the fire.

They should change the title of this movie to "Freaky Losers". What a piece of shit! People are actually going to pay to view this abomination of a film? Shame on Hollywood for putting out this trash. I rather spend two hours punching myself in the balls than watching this crap!

What's with all the guys on here wanting to put their dicks in this guys mouth?? Wtf is wrong with you people??

Since Romeo and Juliet is a pretty lousy story, it can and should just be assumed that things based off it will also be horrid, with very few exceptions. Taking something bad and copying it is only going to leave you with something worse...

And the hilariously brainless 14 year olds STILL keep coming! Why don't they cut themselves over this article?

How anyone can say Romeo and Juliet is lousy is beyond me! It's Shakespeare for crying out loud. Thats blasphemous.

Basing a story on any Shakespeare play is lazy writing - doubly so if it's Romeo and Juliet. Re: Nick's "He's made a point to keep all of his film related business private so when they're announced, the assholes can be baffled, pissed, and then scurry to a place they can feebly complain." Wow. hadn't really paid attention to that before. Sad - it reads as: "I'll show you! Waaagh!!!" And I have nothing against killer Grizzly and Giant Shark movies.

Just because it's Shakespear doesn't mean it's great. He wrote some not-so-classic works you know. And personally R&J is not nearly as intense as Hamlet, Macbeth, Othello, or King Lear nor is it as entertaining as Midsummer Nights Dream or The Taming of the Shrew. Still, Twilight is to Romeo and Juliet like a Happy Meal is to a Sushi feast prepared by the number one sushi artist in Japan. I repeat: TWILIGHT IS A HAPPY MEAL.

My husband told me to read this...and I must say this is one of the funniest things I have read in a long time. Kudos Nick!

Some of these comments seem to be flat out ridiculous. Are people really so gullible these days? "Twilight is about true love!" Uh, have you guys even read the book? Edward watches Bella sleep at night and gets all obsessively protective. That's being a borderline stalker. Obsession is not love. And what is all this talk of jealousy? You fangirls are just peeved that he's defaming your beloved idols. God. Wake up from your little vampire fantasies and go read real books. And yes, I've actually read Twilight. It wasn't great. Stephenie Meyer needs to learn character development.

loling so hard at all the butthurt twilight fans

Haha, what a bunch of stupid fucking cunts trying to defend their shitty 'romance' story. Kill yourselves, we don't need your kind breeding. But hey, you love Twilight enough to defend it like it's a religion, so you only have your 'toys' that you name Edward to be with you.

@#190. Calm down fuckstick. For every teen-loser emo-goth chick getting bent out of shape over any criticism of their beloved Twilight there's a 30-something geek-loser dorito-dusted dude who gets his stained panties in a knot over any criticism of garbage like T2. T2 is Twilight for future 40 Year Old Virgins.

It's true, Shakespeare did write some mediocre plays. Personally i prefer the history plays Richard II and the Henry's However, R&J is not mediocre. It contains some of the best writing and most moving scenes. Othello is infuriating,(although Iago is exceptioanl) Desdemona is a weak and pathetic heroine . Whereas, Juliet at least sticks up for herself. It's no concidence that virtually every classic that follows including Jane Eyre, Pride and Prejudice and Wuthering heights uses Shakespeare's R7J formula. That is why Twilight is popular, becasue it harks back to the classics. It has a hero that is reminiscent of Heathcliff and Mr Darcy, all brooding intensiity and arrogance and granted it is cetainly not as well written but it is entertaining.

Isn't R&J lifted from Tristan and Isolde? The main problem with many of Shakespeare's plots is that they rely on people who should know better being really really dumb (Though R&J can scrape by on horny teenage hormones being responsible for creating rank stupidity in it's victims). I don't tolerate dumbshit characters in modern cinema, so why should I in in Shakespeare? Because it's "classic"? Fuck that shit.

Hey Shakespeare - I believe the point of people who should know better being really dumb in Sir William's stories is to reflect how blind many of us are - thinking we know better - but really not knowing anything. It's only the perspective of another - the audience - that can actually see through the blindness. That being said, it's quite possible that your intolerance of dumbshit characters exposes your latent dumbshittedness the way a gay basher reveals his own gayness.

I'm aware of your argument but didn't think I needed to spell it out to make my point about changing audience needs/demands. But this is a thread on "Twilight", so that's my dumbshit mistake - maybe Big Willy was right!

Very funny, nick. I was thinking about this myself. To be honest with you I had never even heard of the book until I saw the poster. But my first impression was in fact one of "douche look". Say hi to your mother for me, ok?

lolololol at all the butthurt

Wow! What big, strong men you are to harass 14 year olds. Grow up and find something better to do with your time.

Hey jerkoff, this isn't a site for 14 your old girls. If they want to come here and share their retard opinion and get ridiculed then so be it. We don't seek out their fucking teen beat websites do we? Go save some little kids from the local bully or some shit.

It's funny that its only ladies who defend Twilight. As for the article, what does the word 'ot' mean? Great article otherwise - very funny

Nick, I agree with you wholeheartedly. You are my hero. I honestly hope that all the fuckwit Twilight fans die a slow and horrible cancerous death.

fuck this face? Yes, please! And by the way you go on and on about his face in detail like a twilightmom on viagra ,you sound like you want to fuck his face too. I don't blame you. He's such a hot bitch he made Harry Potter go gay for several seconds in Harry Potter Four. I think it's quite endearing that you admit you want to fuck his face too. Join the club. Get in line. Take a number, and no cutting. The wait is long, but you can do what the rest of us do to pass the time...fantasize about fucking his dick. Word on the street is that he had the biggest quidditch stick at Hogwart's, so yeah....fantasizing about his dick is a great way to pass the time.

wow, that was really gay how you talked about wanting to put your peen in his mouth and fuck him. You're such a bossy bottom.

all you guys sound like a bunch of jealous bitches, it's hilarious. This is what broads sound like when they get a look at Megan Fox in bikini. Don't be such jealous heffers. It's not the Twilight boy's fault all your girlfriends are wacking off to him with their vibrators left and right. He's just really fuckable.

I Heard this was a Teen Romance Story about abstinence. ???? I guess the crowd who think harry Potter is the antichrist will be watching this then.

The vampire dude is obviously a pole-smoker! His gay hair gives it away! Why make a movie about man juice loving vampires and target little girls with it. This is so absurd! How can people actually believe this is a quality vampire movie when the people starring in it are tool-tokers! Much too gay! Instead of drinking blood these dudes are going to be sucking each other's wangs. What a complete piece of shit movie!

the vampire dude is a pole smoker? all you guys on this thread are basically having a circle jerk session, talking about how you want to slap him hard and fuck his face until his mouth bleeds. But he's the gay one. Riiiiiggght.

The guy who wrote this is just jealous cause Robert Pattinson is total panty creamer while the writer looks like that ugly red headed geek on the cover of "Mad Magazine" if the geek had fat cheeks. I'd be jealous too.

Robert Pattinson's ability to cause a clit to swell in anticipation isn't restricted to tweens, you dumb ass. He's an equal opportunity clit sweller of all ages. And that's just from staring out at us from a computer monitor. Lord knows what would happen if his huge hands and long fingers made direct contact with an actual clit. He'd probably make the bitch levitate!

leave it to a guy who looks a little "special" in the face and probably rode the shot bus to school in his early years to go on a major bitch session about how a good looking guy annoys him. Someone's man period came early and needs a hug and two Midol tablets!

This is the last place I expected to have to read comments from the Jonas Twins groupie set. This movie looks like a steaming ball of overproduced, melodramatic horseshit that threads the same ground Anne Rice dug up 20 years ago. Congratulations on coming late to the party, silly chubby bitches. Your vampire idol looks like a poster boy for buttsex, and all of the emo whining you all do while clutching your My Little Pony pillows won't make this turd of a movie any good

Really? You porkers think this guy is hot? You want a good-looking guy, look at George Clooney. Look at Colin Farrell. This androgynous queen is about as good looking as a street urchin sucking off bums in the bus station for spare change. I give about 3 more minutes before his 15 minutes are up and he goes back to his career in gay porn.

Yeah, he's hot. George Clooney is old as fuck. Can you imagine some broad asking you why you prefer Megan Fox over some old broad like one of those Desperate Housewives? And Colin Farrell has total gayface actually, and he's a dad for hell's sake. He's all washed up too. But little RObbie Pattinson? Twenty two years old, fresh as a daisy, with sex hair and a pretty face and a jawline I want to sink my teeth into and a huge cock? Yes, that's hot. Who are you going to offer up next for a comparison? Robert Redford and his geriatric peen? Dudes have no clue what's rightly fuckable on a man obviously.

Wow, you guys sound like the male equivalent of a bunch of fat broads downing ho hos and ding dongs while complaining why you don't understand why guys prefer Scarlett J. over that Ugly Betty girl. Too funny.

Someone said he looks like a poster boy for butt sex. He does, just not in the way you are thinking. He could meet me at my no-no hole anytime, bitches. Anytime. Oh, and he's currently fucking a Victoria's Secret Model and has gotten laid by some quality actress ass in the last six months. Call him a bitch all you want, but he's going to be getting quality ass until he's 80 while the rest of you sorry fucks are wanking off to free porn in mama's basement. Who's the bitch now?

What fag said colin farrell is more manly than Robert Pattinson? He's as gay pride as they come: http://justjared.buzznet.com/2008/10/28/colin-farrell-is-full-of-pride/

http://robertpattinsononline.com/gallery/displayimage.php?album=212&pos=79 Please call this guy gay looking. In fact, all you jealous bitches complaining about him looking "gay"(which in threatened straightboy speak means he's better looking than your sorry ass), put your photos online for a side by side comparison to show just how much more manly you are. This guy is effing all your girlfriend's ball deep with his stare alone, that's what's making you all act like jealous bitches.

Who has Rob been linked sexually to in the last year: Camille Belle, Nikki Reed, Adriana Lima, another Victoria's Secret model whose name escapes me, Katie Perry, and Minka Kelly. Wow, he does really well for a gay guy, huh? Now, for fun, why don't you guys make up a list of all your top fucks and see how yours compare. Talk amongst yourselves....

Holly hell. mostly, i ignore the living shit out of the comments. If you don't like what the dude writes, whether it be Devin, Nick, or who have you, why take the time to read the article then piss and moan about it? But this... oh great and glorious Xenu, this was an absolute masterpiece. Cuz they kept coming. Back and back and back again. You know, children, the best way to get back at Nick for writing the article is not to post it on all your little non-sense fan sites and drive the numbers here up. no, the best thing to do is ignore it. But thanks for not doing the mature thing, because I wouldn't have been laughing my ass off and actually reading an entire damn comment thread if not for this nonsense. Great work Nick.

Nick writes about having his thumb dick around newly pubed pussy, and you call us the children. How absolutely spin of you. Why would we ignore it? You think a couple hundred of comments is "blowing up" this site? Bitch please, this is playground "Your Mama" games for bored people who either want to fuck Rob Pattinson or... want to...oh wait..but sides have said they wanted to fuck him...never mind.

Look, I honestly don't give a shit if this guy is gay or not but to all the ladies defending his heterosexuality by listing all of the models he's "been with"; have you even heard of the concept of a "beard"? If Rock Hudson and Tom Cruise can fool the public into thinking that they're straight with sham marriges, why can't this Twilight guy do it? I'm not saying he is or isn't, I'm just saying you don't really know one way or the other, you just want him to be straight because it enforces the Twilight fantasy you've built in your head. But you really don't need him to be straight to diddle yourself to his image. After all, I don't need Portia DeRossi to be straight when I...(give you too much information, sorry.)

This vamp guy looks like the offspring of Luke Perry and the gay E.T. What a huge fucking head! I guess that if you ladies consider him attractive then that is your business but the guy does look a bit effeminate. Maybe he's got encephalitis and that is why his head is so enormous? Who knows? For those of you who say that he can't be homo because he has been with so many hot girls, well so have many famous fags who use that as cover for their gayness. All I know is that the guy doesn't even look human. They could have gone with someone a bit more human looking and less effeminate.

[oh my].......obsession might not be love but he has no choice to protect her dumb ass shes in danger knowing is secret which would make it love. oh ya & all of you who are makig fun of those 14 yr old girls that are deffending twilight but you are just has ba for making fun of a book half of you have never even read and a movie thats not even playing yet so who really are the dumb ones lol

I read it. It sucked. And you type like a spazz. Learn the fucking English language before you start typing, you fucking moron.

ya know what...i agree with him kinda, people only like it cuz of the hot fag :) its gonna be shit...you all know it he is being a little judgemental...but hes got a pretty good foresight

how can you say people like it because of the "hot fag" when the book was out before the movie, i like the book and im going to see the movie but i dont think hes hot. i think they could of gotten someone better to play his part but thats who they picked get over it. Stop freaking out over the people who want to defend it they have the right just like the people who dont like it have the write to criticize it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nH1tX4jUCy8 this is what you call ugly?? apparently your mother didn't love you as a child or something...

Beside being challenged in then looks department, this guy looks like he plays hide the salami with Rock Hudson's corpse! Young girls these days have strange tastes in men. I read somewhere that in the movie, this vampire guy sleeps face down in his coffin so that his friends can recognize him.

I think if you all played your cards right, you'll let this "fag" get you laid come November 21st. You don't have to find him attractive- he doesn't want to fuck you. But your girl or date will be creaming her pants watching him on a 20foot screen. And your reward for taking her to the movie? Hot sex afterwards, as long as you let her call you "Robert."

uh, most of us have heard of a beard, yes. But I've been watching Robert's fine ass for years now, and he's not coming up on the gaydar. It wouldn't bother me one bit if he was, I'd still fantasize about him. But this dude likes the ladies. You guys are making judgements over a picture still where they manscaped the hell out of him. IN real life, the boy is scruffy and a little dirty and a musician who loves the ladies. Guys are just calling him gay cause he's very refined in terms of his good looks.

It would actually be hotter if he was gay to be honest. Man on Man is hot. I'm not ever going to meet him, so it's not going to make much of a difference in my life. Oh, and he's playing a gay character in his next movie, which I'm more excited to see than Twilight cause he's going to be involved with a threesome. Damn, I love this guy!

This doesn't have to be so adversarial, honestly. Robert Pattinson is playing a metrosexual vampire. A pretty boy. So they prettied him up for the film. The waxed his eyebrows and really gelled his hair up and he's just flawless looking. I get why men would be turned off, but women tend to like a sharp dressed and styled man. When he's not being Edward Cullen however, he looks like a normal guy. He dresses in flannels shirts and "dude" clothes, his eyebrows are sorta bushy, he doesn't shave enough. He's still hot, just a little more manly and musky. I think it's very insecure to even bring his sexual orientation into the dissing though, I hate when guys start with the "fag" crap. It makes hetero dudes look so thin skinned.

Bravo. Fuck this goddamn movie and everoyne who sees it.

Dragonball > Twilight

Note to tweens: Shit like this is why my wife and I decided not to have kids 10 years ago. BEST DECISION EVER. Too bad some of your parents didn't exercise their reproductive rights. Thanks for listening, now you can go back to "rubbing one out" while reading this trash and waiting for the movie.

That fact that you are married is enough to prove how big of a dumbass you are. Thank you for not having kids. Let's try and keep it that way.

I already rubbed one out this morning looking at Robert Pattinson stills from his next movie where he rubs one out during a threesome. Pretty boy with a big stick -it ain't just tweens who appreciate that.

"Women like a sharp and well-styled man." Yeah, but this guy looks like a douchebag, not "sharp and styled." That's combing your hair like an adult and wearing a nice suit. And to those earlier in the thread, I highly doubt Robert Patterson will "be around for a long time". I'm not attacking him personally, but I can't even think of three truly on-the-rise young male movie stars, with the exception of Zac Efron and even he hasn't branched out beyond (although I'd concede his biggest movies attempting to break him out haven't been released yet). Most of these guys stay within their tween audience for, well, ever. I certainly doubt he'll achieve levels of Daniel Radcliffe-like stardom. Twilight the film is going to be mostly a niche film that appeals mostly to the book's audience. I know I certainly have no desire to see it and I just don't see that the movie is penetrating a particularly wide audience. I know it was a literary phenomenon and "the book's audience" is a lot of fucking people, but that would define something that is really going to break out: transcending its intended core audience to become pop culture. In conclusion, vampire shit for girls is stupid.

If you guys got past his eyebrows in the film, you'd not be so ready to crucify him. He's very self deprecating and funny, like a young Hugh Grant. And he's getting a lot of buzz-- NOT for Twilight(most see Twilight as his way of breaking out for the general public), but for his upcoming film "Little Ashes" where he plays Salvador Dali. He's got the acting chops and he's more drawn to independent films than mainstream fare. And he's obviously got the kind of looks that the ladies like, so put those together and you got a guy whose got a future ahead of him. The buzz around him is not just about Twilight and vampire "shit."

Jessica Alba acts like a total douche and yet you know you all rub one out for the girl despite that. That's how girls and ladies are about this guy. Exept he doesn't act like a douche and he's got a huge magical peen from the stills coming out from his love scene in his next movie. HUGE.

Yeah, I'm a big dumbass. Married for 12 years last week and still happy. My wife keeps me more than interested, so I don't feel the need to "rub one out" looking at pictures. Keep up the good work losers!

As someone who reads BOOKS, and therefore avoids everything "Twilight" related, I find it hilarious that EVERY SINGLE ONE of the people jumping to defend this less than mediocre pile of shit series is female. EVERY ONE. It's like with Obama, people just mindlessly flock. Un-fucking-believable.

I FUCKING LOVE YOUR POST! I LOVE THE TITLE AND FUCKING I TOTALLY FUCKING AGREE WITH YOU! SHITBALLNESS IS NOW ONE OF MY FAVORITE WORDS, AND, COMPLETELY HITS THE NAIL ON THE HEAD WHEN I LOOK AT THAT STUPID FACE OF HIS! VAMPIRES ARE DUMB (TRUEBLOOD) EXCEPT FOR MAYBE VAMPYROS LESBOS ( LOT'S OF 70'S NUDITY), THAT ANYTHING TEENS ARE INTO MAKES MILLIONS FOR THE MILEY CYRUS' OF THE WORLD IS COMPLETELY WRONG!!!!! SURE THERE ARE SOME LITTLE CULT COMICS OR MOVIES THAT TURN OUT T O BE QUALITY ENTERTAINMENT BUT FUCK! AS IN BUTTFUCK! THE ONLY THING MORE ENTERTAINING IN THIS POST ARE THE RESPONSES, FUCKING BRILLIANT!!!!!1

IS AWESOME AND LOUD AND A REALLY GOOD WAY TO MAKE YOUR POINT!

No offense, man, ( and I'd admit, this franchise looks stupid ) but you came on and made a judgement about the work - and you NEVER read it ? Only I can do that.

Best comment thread ever. I only regret that I don't have the time to read it all. Thank you twilight fans, thank you. You took me back to the glory days of the great phantom menace apologia.

DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL! DO A BARREL ROLL!

Hi, I'm Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC, and I do a show on adults that meet with children for sex, and I'd just like to know what you're doin here. So why don't you take a seat, why don't you have a seat over there.

It seems like he has transverse mialitas.

I think you went a little far there son, I fucked our boy Pattinson myself several times and I can vouch for his prettiness in real life, he don't need no photoshops. Mmmm hmm that sweet, sweet, tight goth ass of his was redder than a smashed tomato by the time we parted ways. And by God, seeing those soft lips of his again sets off a stiriing in my loins I just can't deny.

This movie is just too GAY for words!

Twilight is pure and utter shit. Why don't you teeny boppers go back and read something worth a damn?

Haha! These reactions are fucking hilarious! Nick, you really pissed off a lot of these tasteless young teeny-boppers. Bravo man, bravo! I commend you for bringing to light how idiotic and pretentious this film will be, and praise your unapologetic honesty of how fucked up that face is. By the way...I've seen this film back in the days when it was released as, Queen Of The Damned.

haha! youre gonna get jumped by twilight fans! im gonna be honest, i love twilight but i personally think the movie is gonna suck cuz the people they chose arent right

OMG Nick! You obviously don't know what TRUE LOVE is! Twilight is all about TRUE LOVE!!!!!!!11one!!! And all the teenage girls saying so would know WAY more about real love than you ever could! HA You're right about that photograph- the one that's being used in all the marketing. It. Is. Horrible. Rob's not a BAD looking guy, but I think what makes him not HOT is that is nose is a little too small and flat for his face. Anyway, I'm a goddamn hornball but every picture of him I've seen from Twilight totally turns me off. And that's pretty hard to do. Fuck that face!

Ugh! I'm with you Nick, f*ck this pretty-boy vampire sh*t. "Twilight" is derivative of all the other vampire films, stories, and comics that have come before it. Why it caught on is still a huge mystery to me.... You want a cool vampire flick that has "True Love" Jennifer? Then check out "Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust." In between all the action, there is a tale of a young human girl that is deeply in love with the powerful vampire count that kiidnapped her. Personally, I think all the teens (and tweens, and even adult women....... and men?!?!?!?!) should drop these "Twilight" books, and pick up something more thought provoking, like oh say... Allen Moore's "Watchmen!"

This further emphasises my theory that most tween girls have the worst fucking taste on the planet. Tweens, your dad doesn't really love you, that's why he gives you all the money to buy all this dumb shit while not caring about you doing anything of substance.

Vault Master, you didn't think I was serious about that true love shit, did you? I just thought it was funny that all these tween girls were coming here saying that shit and saying that Nick, a "lonely loser living in his mom's basement" couldn't possibly know anything about it. Way to do your research before you slam someone, fugly teen girls! The most I've read of Twilight was the back cover of one of the books, and that was too much. I like Vampire Hunter D, though. I actually find most vampire stuff entertaining, but some people just get WAY too into it.

OH! Is anyone reading this a projectionist at a theater showing Twilight? I would PAY* you to "accidentally" show Lifeforce instead. At least that one is so bad it's kinda good. (*I'm broke so I'll have to pay in Halloween candy. Or you could consider the anguish of all those tween girls the best payment you could ever possibly hope for.)

Nick,Nick,Nick... You are an evil and funny bastard! You've really gotten a lot of tweener panties in a bunch here. Bravo, young man! LOL! Bravo!

All the females of the world are in love with Robert Pattinson? Really? Personally, ever since he popped up as Cedric in Harry Potter 4, I've thought he looks like a Muppet. I am completely at a loss as to why woman fall over themselves for him. Blech.

Fuck this movie. Fuck the poorly written, mediocre shit passing itself off as a book it's based on. But, most of all, fuck the fans. What a desperate, stupid gaggle of assholes. And fat girls. Lots and lots of fat girls who smell like Whoppers and sugary snacks and sweaty tears from long nights pining for a dream boy who would never in a billion years find them attractive or fuck them out of pity. "Twilight" is just another in a long line of weight loss postponements to help pass the time in between horrible bouts of depression and willingful hours spent denying reality. The reality is: you're fat and no one wants to fuck you. If vampires were real, their heightened sense of smell would be offended by the prolific amount of crotch sweat the average "Twilight" fan generates and they wouldn't want anything to do with you either. And the books themselves? Awful, awful shit. My ex-girlfriend got me to read one a few years ago and I think it was the deciding factor in ending the relationship. Cliched, trite, abominable sentence structure, no fucking attempt at suspense or originality. Assholes compare these books to Harry Potter. But, where Harry Potter took something old and made it new again, "Twilight" takes something old, pisses on it, fingers it a bit, then sits back and watches it grow moldier. These books are fucking awful to anyone with anything even remotely resembling good taste. So, I agree with you Devin. Fuck that face. But, also fuck the assholes who made that face possible. The writer, the studios and especially the hopeless, stupid fucking fans who wouldn't know a good book if they were fucked by one in a goth club.

This film and all who made it smoke a giant T-Rex COCK!!!

After reading the first dozen comments, the most common salvo from the tweens is, "You don't lnopw what love really is, so shut up!" Guess, what? Neither do you! No one does! Because the over glamorized, till death, complete commital, love you see in hollywood, doesnt exist! Its just you latching on to a man because your daddy ________ (multiple choice: A Didnt Love You Enough, B Loved you all night long, or C Loved Leaving Your Ass with your Mom) And btw, when your 17 year old boyfriend is finger banging you in the back of his moms Pathfinder, just remember, its not love, its hormones. LOL naivety FTW

Awesome.

RE: #259 "Lifeforce" sucked? Come on! It has Steve Railsback! STEVE FUCKING RAILSBACK! Sorry... I got a little fangirl emotional there. So this guy fucks Victoria's Secret models, eh? That makes him not gay? Nah... I'm going to go out on a limb here. I'll say he goes down on models while getting a 10 inch dong crammed up his wow hole. But he's not gay. That makes him bi, which as we all know is the real-world title for "metrosexual". Does it matter if he's gay or straight? Nope. Does it matter if he's indecisive? Yes. Pick a hole and stick with it, Robert. No one likes indecisive people.

¡Twilight valdrá verga remojada en seco! Todas sus seguidoras son unas locas que les falta vitamina P y andan detrás de una mierda de historia Vitamina P = Vitamina Pene

Nick is obsessed with trolls and Twilight.

Anyone remember when vampires used to be genuinely scary? Movies like Nosferatu or Horror Of Dracula? No, Twilight fans are too busy writing bad fanfictions to have even the passingest of acquaintances with the classics. It looks like this Pattinson fellow is actually a cool guy (I think I heard him say he hated Twilight, too), so, although I wouldn't say his face needed to be fucked, I will say that he probably shouldn't be a vampire. Isn't it sad how the lowest common denominator has so much cultural power?

Oh, and while I'm here: I find it deliciously ironic that the fangirls accuse you of having no life, while they are the ones who - apparently - spend their time scouring the internet for derogatory references to a badly-written book so that they can make the aforementioned accusations.

robert pattinson= SO SEXY Nick Nunziate=WATER bye ^^

sorry-me: Robert Pattinson= SO SEXY Nick Nunziate= CESS

BWAHAHAHAHAHA. Good lord people, it's a fucking movie! Robert Pattinson is not the savior... and i've got money in my pocket that if he read this he wouldn't give two shits. Nick- keep up the good work. I thought it was funny anyway :)

Hey, twilight fans, check out this: http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Twilight and then stop stealing my air and become "an hero".

This just came in from E-News, Robert Pattinson has officially changed his name to Dick Bag and opened up a Dildo shop in London.

I thought Voldemort killed this pretty boy douche bag years ago???

I find it entertaining enough that you spend time write a hate article about how someone looks. for heaven sakes, people are atracted to diffrent things. you might not find edward hot, but others might. why is it such a big deal? everyones diffrent - so GET OVER YOURSELF. try write blogs about stuff that can actually be changed instead of judging other peoples looks. Really- your not 10.