To assist my fellow Chewers in preparing their upcoming Halloween festivities I’m listing some particularly interesting horror films that have been overlooked by even hardened horror fans may have missed, or not even known existed in the first place.

6 Films to Keep You Awake: The Christmas Tale (aka: Cuento de navidad):

A group of children find a woman dressed as Santa Claus who has fallen to the bottom of a well in the middle of the woods. After some armature detective work the kids discover their new friend is a thief on the run with a substantial haul. The kids make the trapped thief an offer—her freedom for the money.

Lionsgate released Spanish television’s answer to America’s Masters of Horror series with little fanfare, and the box art did everything it could to disguise the fact that the films were Spanish in origin. The series as a whole is a rousing success, but director Paco Plaza and writer Luis Berdejo’s The Christmas Tale is the clear front-runner, and a film that deserves more standalone respect. The film respectfully pays homage to ‘80s ‘gang of kids’ flicks like The Goonies or Monster Squad (along with other film and television favorites of those of us that grew up in the era), and ups the anti on the R-rated action. Plaza captures the essence of childhood shenanigans more honestly then Donner ever did, embracing a lack of naiveté and innocence, and stopping just short of crafting his characters into genuinely hateful. Pan’s Labyrinth star Ivana Baquero is featured in the capable kiddie cast.

6 Films to Keep You Awake Trailer

Beyond the Darkness (aka: Buried Alive, Buio Omega):

Italian director Aristide Massaccesi, usually known as Joe D’Amato by horror fans, was one of the most unabashedly sleazy filmmakers in exploitation history. Most of his catalogue is made up of faceless hardcore and softcore porn, but he was a successful producer, and went were the money was. His most ‘fondly’ remembered for his work with horror including some of the most sexual and violently graphic films of the late ‘70s and early ‘80s, such as Anthropophagus the Beast, Emmanuel in America, and Porno Holocaust. Most of these films are terrible, but like fellow porn/horror sleaze merchant Jesus Franco, D’Amato was a talented artiste that usually didn’t care enough to try, and occasionally a good film escaped his apathy.

Beyond the Darkness features a weak script, corny dialogue, and some overripe acting, but it’s brimming with mildew-caked atmosphere, D’Amato’s photography is solid, and those overripe actors really give it their all. The narrative runs on an almost plotless series of events encapsulating all means of murder and mutilation, not to mention necrophilia and incest. The basic premises of each scene are captured in a disturbingly voyeuristic fashion, and the special effects are upsettingly realistic. The gruesome gore is the show stopper, and so extreme that Beyond the Darkness remains one of three movies in my collection that still makes me sick to my stomach, even though I understand the simple illusion. The unease peters off a bit after the centerpiece embalming scene, but strong constitution still apply.

Beyond the Darkness Trailer

The Black Room:

Long before the Tweens stole vampires in the ‘00s, the teenagers had their way with them in the ‘80s. To the chagrin of many friends I am personally not a fan of this era in more than a passing nostalgia capacity. Released early among the throwaway pack was Elly Kenner and Norman Thaddeus Vane’s The Black Room, which only really fits into the mold because of its sexy take on blood-suckers. Taking themes from George Romero’s masterful Martin, Black Room tells the story of a brother and sister that rent a room to swingers, who they proceed to kill for possibly unnecessary blood transfusions. The whole thing is frightfully dated (and likely was even in 1984, as it appears to have been actually made in the ‘70s), but the performances rise above the less than impressive dialogue, and the editing is occasionally brilliant. Unfortunately Black Room hasn’t been released on DVD in any region yet, so genuinely interested parties might have to take less than ‘reputable’ measures to get their hands on it. I’m thinking it’s worth the possible repercussions.

Curse II: The Bite:

Now all these movies aren’t exactly what one would call ‘good’ under strict definitions, but for lovers of monsters and transformation make-up effects it doesn’t get much better than Curse II: The Bite, which has absolutely nothing to do with the first Curse (a so-so adaptation of HP Lovecraft’s ‘Colour of Outer Space’). A young couple on a cross country trip takes a short cut even after being distinctly told to not, and find themselves driving through a sea of radioactive snakes. One of the slithery creatures ends up hitching a ride, and bites the dude half of the couple. His hand quickly turns into a snake head, and he grows a little peckish. Later he mutates more (thanks to some brilliantly gooey Screaming Mad George effects), and ends the film chasing his girlfriend through a construction site, vomiting snakes. A generally melodramatic and (boringly) tragic love story is spiked with an amusing side-plot concerning Jamie Fann as a travelling salesman that fancies himself a doctor. After supplying the bitten boy with anti-venom (anti-venom he just happens to carry), Fann realizes he might have made a mistake, and he chases the couple down for fear of lawsuit, rather than fear for the boy’s well-being. The star attraction is clearly the effects, however, and the US DVD release is cut to an R-rating, which actually makes a difference in this case. It’s also full-frame. There is an official Region 2 DVD, but those without region free players might want to explore those less reputable measures again.

Snake hand eating nurse scene.

Dolls:

I’ve slowly grown into a die-hard fan of director Stewart Gordon, and would heartily recommend almost everything in his oeuvre. I’m guessing we’ve all seen The Re-Animator and From Beyond, and narrowing it down to what I don’t recommend would be a little easier (coughDreamsInTheWitchHousecough), but Dolls is a personal favorite that proves an easy viewing, and I’m guessing most horror fans have overlooked it. Gordon foregoes his Lovecraft and Poe obsessions in favor of an old fashion E.C. Comic morality tale, and keeps the violence pretty minimal, but the film still clearly bares his signature. Dolls is colorful, funny, occasionally genuinely creepy, and most notably, it features a handful of fantastic performances. Some of the cast is delightfully hammy, while others are pitch-perfectly tempered, especially a wonderfully natural little actress named Carrie Lorraine as the lead, and Gordon favorite Stephen Lee as a good natured man-child. In all it’s kind of like the best episode of Goosebumps never made.

Dolls trailer

Horrors of Malformed Men:

For the required Asian entry I submit Teruo Ishii’s vastly under-seen Edogawa Rampo adaptation Horrors of Malformed Men. Besides simply featuring one of the best titles in known movie history (which is also one of the best last act spoilers in known movie history), Horrors of Malformed Men is a macabre rollercoaster of comedy and terror, featuring saturated colors that would make Dario Argento adjust his television set, and more perversion than you can shake a webbed mutant hand at. Ishii expertly crams gooey handfuls of dozens of genre clichés into a stew clearly inspired by both his countryman’s literature (Rampo has been compared to Poe), and the best of the horror film world. Synapse’s DVD was released more than two years ago, and it still stands as one of the biggest and most exciting surprises I’ve ever had in my DVD reviewing life. See it!

Horrors of Malformed Men trailer

The Hunchback of Rue Morgue (aka: El jorobado de la Morgue):

Those curious about the cinema of Spanish man of a thousand faces Paul Naschy (aka: Jacinto Molina) will probably want to start with some of the more readily available El Hombre Lobo flicks, but once they get the hang of the man’s Universal meets Hammer in Spain style they’ll want to seek out Hunchback of Rue Morgue – the star’s best film. Featuring the best mix of violence, schlock, gothic imagery, and melodrama, Rue Morgue is surprisingly poignant, and perfectly atmospheric. The plot is wacky, and the bizarre production design features a literal stew of body parts, an acid bath, and a man in a monster suit. What else do you need? News of an official Region 1 release was looking bad when BCI Eclipse went under, but recent news states that the relatively new Mya Communications is releasing a DVD on November 24^th.

The Living Dead at Manchester Morgue (aka: Let Sleeping Corpses Lie, Non si deve profanare il sonno dei morti, Breakfast at the Manchester Morgue, and Don't Open the Window):

Hopefully this classic zombie film, one of the best and most important to be released between Romero’s Night of the Living Dead and Dawn of the Dead, has been available on DVD long enough that my recommendation here is moot. First released under the title Let Sleeping Corpses Lie by Anchor Bay and Blue Underground, then re-released as The Living Dead at Manchester Morgue by Blue Underground, Jorge Grau’s gruesome and moody movie is a little dated, and it lacks the visceral impact of Fulci’s post-Dawn of the Dead films, but it features more likeable characters and a more involved narrative than most non-Romero flesh-eater opuses. This Tuesday Blue Underground re-released the film on Blu-ray, and the transfer is a knock out. There aren’t many classic cult horror flicks in hi-def yet, and this is a good start.

Don't Open the Window trailer (a major inspiration on Edgar Wright's Grindhouse fake trailer Don't)

Lisa and the Devil (aka: Lisa e il diavolo, The Devil and the Dead):

Though it might be easier to simply demand everyone that labels themselves a connoisseur of horror sees every one of Mario Bava’s films (myself included, as there are some that still aren’t available on DVD), I’d like to aim special consideration towards one of the maestro’s most overlooked films. Lisa and the Devil isn’t as perfectly gorgeous as Black Sunday, or as entertaining as Bay of Blood (Twitch of the Death Nerve), but it’s likely Bava’s most mature film, and deserves a place among art house ‘horror’ preferences like Bergman’s Hour of the Wolf and Virgin Spring, or Herk Harvey’s Carnival of Souls (it’s certainly better than the bafflingly acclaimed Spirits of the Dead, directed by Fellini, Louis Malle and Roger Vadim).

The plotting is loose at best, secondary to the haunting, hallucinatory imagery. There are few films that so perfectly evoke the feeling of a dream state, and even fewer that remain largely accessible. The majority of the cast, including the beautiful lead Elke Sommer, blends into the imagery, but the always enigmatic Telly Savalas is riveting as one of cinema’s most memorable satanic avatars. When the film was first completed producer Alfredo Leone was unhappy with Bava’s more cerebral turn, and personally recut the film with scenes of Sommer doing her best Linda Blair impression, and the whole mess was retitled House of Exorcism in an effort to cash-in on William Friedkin’s hit. Though it features a little more sex and violence, this version is not recommended.

Unused Lisa and the Devil trailer.

Razorback:

Toted as ‘Jaws on Trotters’ by its producers, this flamboyant Australian mixed genre gem from music video wonder child Russell Mulcahy (who would go on to direct the cult favorite Highlander) has finally seen a minor Region 1 DVD release thanks to the Warner Bros. vault program. The extra packed Aussie disc is the preferred way to see the film (it features the cut for an R violence), but 2.35:1 widescreen is good enough, especially for those that haven’t had the chance to see the film before. Razorback is very much a child of the ‘80s, but like Richard Stanley’s genre work, it embraces these stylistic flourishes without all the campy comedy of the most popular American horror of the era. Though lacking in compelling plot, or lead characters, the film succeeds through sheer will of logically challenged and colorful images, not to mention a few memorable supporting roles, specifically David Argue as a deranged poacher. The whole exercise isn’t exactly thought provoking, but the action and suspense elements are unmistakably well executed, the monster pig looks cool, and the colors are pretty stunning.

Razorback trailer

“But I don’t have access to Netflix, and my legs are broken, or I’ve been snowed in, and the only thing I have is my computer”, you say? Well here are a couple treasures I’ve found across the web’s various free streaming sites:

Scarecrows (unrated zombie scarecrows vs. bank robbers): HULU LINK

Mario Bava's Black Sunday: HULU LINK

Mario Bava's Black Sabbath: HULU LINK

I’ve done this kind of thing before for DVDActive.com too (though not specific to horror), so if you like what I’m laying down here feel free to give me some hits HERE and HERE.

Thanks for reading, and Happy Halloween!

This is pretty much the opposite of what I promised to be working on – a series of in-depth discussions about my favorite Slasher films – but perhaps a little digression is just what I need to get back into the swing (it’s kind of exhausting getting all those screen caps).

I’d like to preface this, however, by making it clear that I am not a subscriber to or fan of rampant political correctness. I believe that cartoons, like other forms of popular entertainment and art, should be criticized based on the merits of what was considered socially acceptable at the time. If a film, book, or cartoon happens to step out of and beyond anachronistic mindsets, it should usually be considered an admirable trait, but I don’t think it’s anywhere close to a necessity. Children’s entertainment is a particularly interesting cross-section of the pop culture spectrum for me personally, because children on the whole are usually ahead of their entertainment, and modern children’s entertainment has grown in broad strokes of sophistication and quality of content in my brief lifetime.

Also, just like a wikipedia article, this article contains many of unverified claims.

Television animation, or more specifically action/adventure animated series, was a boy’s club for most of my childhood. Action/adventure is traditionally aimed at a male audience, but there were definite residual effects from centuries of sexism partially to blame for this truth. If we’re not including theatrical releases or Japanese animation the speed of growth in relation to sexism is actually, I think, a solid means to judge the general American public’s open mindedness concerning sex relations. We like to mark the end of civil rights problems with specific events, but even after the suffrage movement was deemed successful, and the sexual revolution was deemed over, television cartoon heroes were still almost exclusively male.

This fact didn’t escape actress/activist Geena Davis, who semi-recently was quoted as saying:

“Do you remember the kinds of stuff that they made for us, for kids, in the oldie old days? Let’s see, the first animation, of course, was Disney’s Minnie Mouse and… Daisy Duck, who didn’t really do much at all, except ask to go shopping, I think. There were a lot of Hanna-Barbera cartoons — Magilla Gorilla, Wally Gator, George of the Jungle — virtually no female characters…On the Looney Tunes website, they list twelve characters, and only one of them is female, but it’s the great one. It’s the one you all love and remember the best: Granny. She’s the one who owns Tweety, and she has to leave so that the story can happen.” (Quoted from Catoonbrew.com)

Davis, of course, has a point, but also hasn’t been paying attention to children’s entertainment for at least two decades by my count. Her childhood was a virtual wasteland for female cartoon characters, as were the majority of the ‘70s and ‘80s. The best I can think of concerning female role models in ‘70s entertainment is the sexually unappealing but smart Velma Dinkley, and Josie and her Pussycats, who were pretty sexually overplayed. In 1984 the United States Federal Trade Commission deregulated children's television, and removed most prohibition against cartoon series linked to toys. In a way this started the process of homogenizing boy’s and girl’s cartoons. The studios and companies still aimed their products at specific sexes, but were sure to include a few female characters in their shows just in case a little sister happened to be watching.

Because little boys were often stuck playing with their little sisters characters like Teela (He-Man and the Masters of the Universe), Cover Girl and Scarlet (G.I. Joe), and Cheetara (Thundercats) were created as backup for their male counterparts, but none of these characters were necessities to any of their casts, and were rarely given much to do beyond running in to help with a team fight. These were strong role models in the physical sense of the word, but the only things worse than not including female characters at all is shoehorning them in where they don’t belong, or including them out of duty rather than interest.

From what I can gather (and I could be wrong) She-Ra: Princess of Power is the first female protagonist to have her own American made action/adventure cartoon. Though I suppose arguments could be made for Rainbow Bright and Jem being adventure series, She-Ra was undeniably more violent, and thusly ‘boyish’. This was an important step, but the show didn’t last too long, and didn’t have much impact on the rest of the 1980s. Arguably the best long running show of the period of time stretching from 1986-1991 was The Real Ghostbusters, which successfully mixed slightly more complex storylines, with a more adult sense of humor. Still, there was no female Ghostbuster. The closest we got was Janine Melnitz, the fire-house’s secretary and phone answerer.

The ‘90s were a huge turning point in quality (both in writing and animation) for television animation, and along with more sophisticated comedy, drama and characters came better roles for female characters. Things started awkwardly with characters like April O’Neil who acted as Lois Lane to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but never served any real narrative purpose, but some of these seemingly shoehorned characters worked, and early success was found in comedy and (more importantly to this essay) comic book adaptations.

Between X-Men the Animated Series and Batman the Animated Series, both of which premiered on the Fox network in 1992, there were dozens of strong female role models (both in the physical and literal senses). But there is a difference in the approach of each show, and Batman’s approach is likely the more enduring one. The X-Men series was largely inspired (story-wise at least) by the Claremont era comics, which were pretty fair to female characters in the interest of the comic’s soap opera style. There isn’t a lot of rewriting save the addition of certain characters, like Jubilee, whose youth serves more importance to the narrative than her sex.

The Batman writers, on the other hand, took to adapting most of the comic’s characters for their own means, including some much celebrated new origin stories for male characters like the Mad Hatter and Mr. Freeze. The lead female canon creations that were at least partially rewritten include Catwoman/Selina Kyle, who was re-imagined as a sort of female Batman, with almost as much money and influence (until she got caught of course), and Poison Ivy/Pamela Isley, whose new inability to have children developed into a disturbingly Freudian episode (‘House and Garden’) where she attempts to artificially create a family that is entirely under her control. Also present was a duo of newly created female characters, both of which have since found their way into the Batman canon proper – Gotham City police officer Renee Montoya, and the Joker’s right hand girl, Harley Quinn. These two characters became so popular that many younger fans of the characters have no idea they were part of the pre-animated universe. Each character serves a radically purpose.

Montoya, who was revealed to be a lesbian in Ed Brubaker’s 'Gotham Central' comic series, serves as one of Gotham’s best cops, and one of the only on-staff supporters of Batman. She’s not one of the series’ most enduringly memorable characters, but has been picked up by more adult writers like Brubaker, and had an analog in The Dark Knight motion picture. Her sex also has almost no bearing on her character. Even her partner, the largely bigoted Harvey Bullock, never brings up her sexual handicap.

Quinn, on the other hand, is a typically tragic Batman villain, who is helplessly in love with the Joker despite being a trained psychiatrist who should know better. Some Geena Davis types may complain about the abusive nature of the couple’s relationship, and what that relationship meant to the children watching the show (re-watching the show I’ll admit that I’m occasionally shocked). But even at 13 years old the tragedy wasn’t lost on me, so I suspect it wasn’t lost on the other kids watching. The ‘innocent’ nature of the character left the door open to some anti-hero episodes including one where she teams up with Batman, and a couple where she reveals herself to be more dangerous to Mr. Jay than he is to her. The enduring popularity of the character likely has more to do with this ‘innocence’ than her abuse at the hands of her psychotic boyfriend, or at least I’d like to think so.

Perhaps the biggest step Batman the Animated Series took concerning the place of women in action/adventure cartoons was the episode entitled ‘Harley and Ivy’, where the man-dependant Harley Quinn teams up with uber-feminist Poison Ivy, in semi-homage to Thelma and Louise (which you may remember co-stared a certain Geena Davis). Besides being the major focus of the entire episode, the duo almost defeats the Dark Knight. At the end of the episode they’re finally brought to justice by none other than Renee Montoya. The episode was successful enough to garner a few ‘sequels’ (part one of ‘Holiday Nights’, ‘Joker’s Millions’ and ‘Girl’s Night Out’).

Look for Part Two soonish.

I'd also like to note how hard it was to find images of these characters that weren't obscene slash fiction stuff.

One of the more terrifying aspects of joblessness is late night television. These days cable stations have realized there’s enough sad people up in the middle of the night watching crap, so the actual quality of the programming is miles better than it used to be, but the ads remain atrocious. I mean, all ads are pretty atrocious, but the shit they sell after midnight is just vile. It’s mostly aimed at jobless people (for a small fee you can make a bagillion dollars working from home!), special beds (this bed is way better than that bed you heard about last commercial break), or lonely dudes who think their penises are too small (girls totally care, and totally won’t talk to you, and you’ll die alone and flaccid). The small penis ads are especially detrimental to society, but I have a grudging respect for the assholes that put almost zero investment into the chalky blue placebos that they sell for likely millions by pandering to the male psyche’s lowest common denominator. (Do people actually think that a pill can grow a single part of anatomy? Really?)

And I’m not one to judge the virtual ocean of physical fitness machines available by phone, though most of them appear entirely unnecessary to me. Some stuff, like treadmills, weight sets, and stair climbers make sense, even if I’m pretty sure 90% of the people that buy them will used them three times, but most of the time I’m thinking a simple set of old fashion sit-ups would do the same job a whole lot cheaper. Usually I’m content to keep these thoughts to myself, but there’s a new ad that’s simply too stupid for me to ignore. I’m speaking of the ‘Cardio Jump’, a make-believe jump rope for people that are either too uncoordinated or fat to jump a real rope. It’s two sticks with counter weights to exact the feel of a swinging rope. The Cardio Jumper then proceeds to jump up and down like a horse’s ass as if they were jumping over an invisible rope. I know it’s over-used, but this really is why the terrorists hate us.

Learn more about this thing on its official website.