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					  <title><![CDATA[Slither and why I love James Gunn&#039;s horror masterpiece]]></title>
					  <link>http://chud.com/articles/blogs/1313/Slither-and-why-I-love-James-Gunn039s-horror-masterpiece.html</link>
					  <description><![CDATA[Watching it again for the 12th time or so since buying the DVD, I
looked back fondly at all the reasons why this film works, even though
people try to compare it to others. I don't agree with their
assumptions, putting this film on a pedestal of fantastic horror films
in the last 10 years. Here's a list of sorts as to why I lovethis film.
<br/><br/>1) I love having films that I saw in theaters that many others hadn't but then champion on DVD. That's how I was when I saw <i>The Mist</i> on DVD, even though I still haven't met anyone who saw it in theaters. But when I saw <i>Slither</i>
in theaters, I was shocked at how refreshing it was that a film had the
guts (literally) to show comedy and violence without blinking an eye.
Gore and comedy is a hard dual edged sword. Don't get me wrong, I laugh
at gore filled romps on film, but they usually intended a more horrific
tone. So I've been spreading the <i>Slither</i> love for years now.<br/><br/>2)
James Gunn, writer/director extraordinaire. He's one of those Hollywood
types that I hope I'm more aligned in becoming. Funny and foul mouthed,
a clever writer who jumped from the fun bowels of Troma with what many
refer to as Troma's masterpiece <i>Tromeo and Juliet</i>, he went to writing gigs with the <i>Scooby Doo</i> films* and then wrote the better than it should have been remake of <i>Dawn of the Dead</i>**, he also helped with the films <i>Lollilove</i> and wrote the 'better than <i>Mystery Men</i>' superhero comedy <i>The Specials</i>. I was excited when I had heard about <i>Slither</i>, even though people compared it to <i>Night of the Creeps</i>***.
It's more than that, a film on a different level. So when I saw it and
the uninhibited directing style of Mr. Gunn with that 80's sensibility
but in a recent setting. Plus he's a hell of a nice guy who everyone
that works with him wants to work with again, as everyone will see with
his short episodes called <i>James Gunn's PG Porn</i> and the XBOX Live exclusive film called <i>Humanzee</i>. He'll be in the business for a very long time if there's any justice in Hollywood. <br/><br/>3)
Nathan Fillion or as everyone likes to call him, Bill 'I'm a fucking
asshole' Pardy. An understated actor who just oozes that 'It' factor
that most actors wish they could. I really can't explain what it is,
but with his everyman good looks and that slight dumb-founded look he
sometimes gives, it's just something that always makes me look forward
to seeing what he's in next. Of course everyone knows him from his
iconic role on <i>Firefly</i> and <i>Serenity</i> of Captain Malcolm
'Mal' Reynolds, he used that and gained that cult status already early
on to help propel him into other roles, such as his co-starring role
alongside Keri Russell in <i>Waitress</i>. Recently his work on the online sensation of <i>Dr. Horrible's Sing-a-long Blog</i>
got a lot of press (even though it was all about Neil Patrick Harris),
but he played the perfect asshole superhero where you actual root for
the villain. Okay, enough of my bowing down to Mr. Fillion, there's
others I need to cheer.<br/><br/>4) Elizabeth Banks who is probably one
of the comedic actresses consistently great in every role I see her in.
An old time actress look, Hitchcockian blonde actually, she's on the
rise in Hollywood, co-starring again with Seth Rogen in the new Kevin
Smith film <i>Zack and Miri Make a Porno</i> and the highly controversial new Oliver Stone film <i>W.</i> as Laura Bush, she started very small, in supporting roles but always knew how to get noticed on screen. When I saw her in <i>The 40 Year Old Virgin</i>,
her role only has a total of maybe 12 lines in 2 hour and 17 minute
movie, but yet she makes the most of it and I remember she made the
audience gasp, especially with that very un-sexual masturbation scene
at the end of the film. She's also been in all 3 Spiderman films, but
people don't realize it because her role is very minimal yet important
in the whole Spidey mythos as the character of Betty Brant. So her
being in <i>Slither</i> was big to me because I knew she could be
funny yet could act as well, and people need to give her credit for
acting very emotionally to a huge pulsating monster that is hideous,
yet you believe that she's trying to seduce the monster so they could
get the upper hand. So she's another one in the line of favorite actors
in this film that I always look forward to seeing in future films. And
I don't mind being down on my knees for a woman who doesn't mind
getting dirty in a film and has that slapstick mentality that is
starting to slowly make a comeback. <br/><br/>5) Gregg Henry. We all
know who he is, but we forget his name. I know his name because I'm the
type that knows trivia like that and plus he's one of my favorite
character actors working today. He's recently been in the great Eddie
Izzard/ Minnie Driver television series <i>The Riches</i>**** and as
usual plays 'sleaze personified' as I like to coin the term. I remember
when I first notice him in the greatly under-appreciated <i>Payback</i> but has gotten a new lease in life recently when it was allowed to finally get the director's cut. He plays the mayor in <i>Slither</i>
and as usual steals every scene in which he's in, just dirtying up the
screen with his patented style of sleaze he's famous for, especially
right in the beginning when he's introduced to the audience by cursing
out this driver in front of him in front of a mother and son in town.
And the way he just begs to be killed by Bill Pardy and Bill just
shoots him without a second look shows how much this guy was hated in
his own town. <br/><br/>6) The Rook. Michael Rooker, probably one guy
who always dominates the screen, no matter the film he's in. In this he
plays the pleasantly named Grant Grant. An oafish guy who you can tell
means well, the older man who found his trophy wife in Elizabeth Banks'
Starla, he's the one who starts the whole slithering mess. Meat is the
word of choice and his whole acting within a shell of a beast with a
bit of humanity left inside is fearless in its insanity. Most other
actors wouldn't necessarily take this role seriously but Michael Rooker
actually just infuses his own self in this character and balances the
line of comedy and horror that you forget why you are laughing in the
first place. You are truly creeped out by him yet you feel truly bad
for him throughout the film, especially by his personification of the
alien and giving it the first time it's fallen in love because it's
been by itself for billions of years. Just a brilliant portrayal that's
been ruined in other films before. And there's nothing scarier than The
Rook when he has a cleanly shaved head. <br/><br/>7) Air Supply's <i>Every Woman in the World</i>, which is the love song of choice for Grant and Starla. A creepy song which seems more along the lines of stalker (<i>Every Breath You Take</i>
anyone?). Yet it works because it takes a whole other meaning within
the film, especially with Grant's alien monster finally realizing what
love is with this one woman. Never thought I'd get misty eyed with an
Air Supply song. Thanks a lot James Gunn. Now I have to shoot myself in
the skull. But first I'll watch the DVD one more time with commentary
on. <br/><br/>8) MastersFX, their work on this particular film was
pretty much the key to making it a believable alien monster film.
Working 5 months in advance, which is quite normal in the special
effects field, they do the proper mixing of practical effects and
digital effects, melding the two where you're not always sure if it's
actually filmed on the set or if it was done on a computer, and that's
the best way to do it in today's film making. Try to check their resume
on their website at www.mastersfx.com. <br/><br/>9) The DVD set alone
makes it a worthwhile cause to rewatch the film as many times I have so
far. The extras are plentiful, especially with all the ribs against
Nathan Fillion and their undying hatred for him. The commentary is one
of the better ones, which is with James Gunn and Nathan Fillion, a very
fulfilling and funny commentary track. I appreciate a good commentary
track that makes rewatching the film worthwhile and not a chore. It's
very honest to the point of him not liking the CGI in certain scenes. I
really like that he doesn't hold any punches back and still has a laugh
at his own expense. <br/><br/>9 reasons? Usually when you do a list
there's always a 10th reason, a Top 10 if you will. But I try not to
play by the rules of society and/or David Lettermen, so I'll end it at
9. Which is a whole mess load of reasons as it is. I love this film to
death and love to spread the love to everyone I can. More people need
to list this film as an essential film in horror. In today's film
world, usually the best horror films come from the indies and other
countries, so this film coming from a major studio was a breath of
fresh air. But yet again, was it pushed enough? Usually a horror film
opening in March wouldn't do well, and in this case it was true. But
DVD is the new medium to get a wider audience. <br/><br/>* I've never held it against him.<br/><br/>**
An effective remake which re-imagined one of my favorite horror films
of all time and actually made it its own movie. Kudos to that. <br/><br/>***
It was actually more in line with Cronenberg's line of films dealing
with the battle from within, the body's own monsters, like in <i>Shivers</i>, <i>Rabid</i> and <i>The Fly</i>.<br/><br/>**** I don't have cable anymore, but check it out on FX. I still need to pick up the first season set on DVD.
]]></description>
					  <author>no@spam.com (James McCormick)</author>
					  <pubDate>Sat, 04 Oct 2008 00:00:00 EDT</pubDate>
					 <guid isPermaLink="true">http://chud.com/articles/blogs/1313/Slither-and-why-I-love-James-Gunn039s-horror-masterpiece.html</guid>
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					  <title><![CDATA[Self promotion or Why An Article I Wrote Will be Published in October]]></title>
					  <link>http://chud.com/articles/blogs/1207/Self-promotion-or-Why-An-Article-I-Wrote-Will-be-Published-in-October.html</link>
					  <description><![CDATA[Not an actual blog entry. A huge sorry to the handful of people who read this, waiting at their computers to see what I have to say. <br/><br/>But I do love you all, so that is why I'm apologizing. <br/><br/>I have an article that I was going to post up here a month ago but was asked to write one for the magazine Paracinema. It's a fantastic film magazine that features great articles on genre films, cult stuff, anything you can think of and some stuff you might not have thought of. I picked up the first 3 issues, 2 on their website and the last issue in my favorite comic book store in NYC, Jim Hanley's Universe, the only NYC store to carry the magazine. <br/><br/>So they supposedly liked the fleshed out article that I had written. I researched, watched many movies and gave it a life of its own. <br/><br/>What is it on? <br/><br/>Well, it's on the little talked about sub-genre of the 70's of Nunsploitation films. Yes, nuns who like to fuck and kill. Fun times for all, especially my fellow Catholics. <br/><br/>So yeah, self promotion is fun and why not? I'm just asking you all to check out the magazine. It comes out in October. You can order it now, or any of their back issues on their website at www.Paracinema.net. Also, buy a few issues and I'll give you many a kudos. I will, I promise. <br/><br/>Here's the cover of the issue. Hitchcock, Ichi the Killer, and some Melvin Van Peebles action? Even if I didn't have an article in it, I would've bought it. <br/><br/><img title="" alt="" src="http://a490.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/14/l_ff0e09f580a53886b83d255e6ab9f2d9.jpg" width="250" align="baseline" border="0" height="350"/><br/><br/>]]></description>
					  <author>no@spam.com (James McCormick)</author>
					  <pubDate>Thu, 04 Sep 2008 00:00:00 EDT</pubDate>
					 <guid isPermaLink="true">http://chud.com/articles/blogs/1207/Self-promotion-or-Why-An-Article-I-Wrote-Will-be-Published-in-October.html</guid>
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					  <title><![CDATA[On my vacation, rewatching the Matrix films.]]></title>
					  <link>http://chud.com/articles/blogs/1171/On-my-vacation-rewatching-the-Matrix-films.html</link>
					  <description><![CDATA[And not getting much out of them like I did when they initially came out. Actually, strike that, I only got most of the good joy out of the first film, with the second film being a huge disappointment when I had seen it in theaters with my girlfriend. So much so that we didn't see the third film in theaters when it came out a few months later, instead waiting for the DVD release. Which I remembered liking more than the second. <br/><br/>But that's mainly because Neo dies. <br/><br/>It had me thinking, why didn't I love these flicks? What is keeping me from that feeling I had once? Did I become a bigger snob since they came out? No, it c couldn't be. I still love films like <span style="font-style: italic;">Crank</span> and <span style="font-style: italic;">Bad Boys II</span> and any other action film that can get me to still let out a proverbial 'ooooh', such as some parts of the <span style="font-style: italic;">Transporter</span> films. That probably has to do with the oozing 70's era charisma of Jason Statham. But I'm vying away from the topic at hand, the Wachowski Bros. (well, now the Wachowskis, ever since that surgery occured) film series. <br/><br/>I realized that it all boils down to the wooden portrayal of Neo by Mr. Keanu Reeves. Don't get me wrong, I like Keanu. No matter how much my brain makes me want to hate him, I tend to like most of his films. Even being a comic book nerd and hating that they cast him as John Constantine, I still went in with a clear mind and actually enjoyed the film somehow. But that could also be because of the supporting cast, who are all spot on, especially Peter Stormare, but he tends to steal any show he's in. Just look at the Volkswagen ads he's been in. <br/><br/>Same goes for Carrie Anne Moss. I liked her in <span style="font-style: italic;">Memento</span> and <span style="font-style: italic;">Fido</span>, so it couldn't be only her. But then it hit me like a pick up truck. Their romance is non-existent, yet they center the whole universe, the whole being of Neo around their love throughout the films. The reason the first film works better than the rest is because it ends before their love can be truly shown. It's hinted at, we see a kiss, but that's it. Nothing more. The sequels try too hard to be philosophical, too hard with the action scenes (and I love the stunt work within each film, but when mixed with dated cgi in some parts, it fails to impress today). <br/><br/>That sex scene in Reloaded? Ugh, talk about no sexuality. No chemical attraction there. My girlfriend, when initially watching the film and walking her to her train, said something along the lines of, "They're supposed to be in love? Then why don't I believe it?" <br/><br/>And film dictates to us what we should believe in when seen on the screen. But only when it's believable. I believed that there were dwarves, hobbits and elves fighting side by side in the Lord of the Ring films. Why is that? Because the world of Tolkien was somehow breathed to life by Peter Jackson, a worthy director who has a sense of reality, even when something fantastic is show on screen. Same goes for Guillermo Del Toro, a favorite of CHUD and many other like minded fans of film. He can somehow take a faun and mix it with the spanish civil war and bring both worlds to reality, a mixture of fairy tale and nightmare. There really is no equal in that department and if there is, maybe I've missed out big time. Cronenberg also molds a scene, a film on screen and even when a man is slowly turning into a human fly or an apartment complex has gone completely crazy and murderous, we believe. <br/><br/>And the Wachowskis fail in that department. They wrote a fine first film. A stand alone film that even when they came out, I felt like they had tacked on backstory and other characters to flesh out a story that really only needed 2 hours to tell. We didn't need to see Zion. Or the other ships in the human armada. Or the battles underground. Or the architect and the key maker. I'll even say we didn't have to see Monica Belucci (but I won't say that, any film that features her must be seen). <br/><br/>We just needed to believe in a hacker who was the chosen one by Morpheus,&nbsp; who made the moviegoing public believe that he could stop bullets and actually destroy the unstoppable agents. I'm not sure if it was intended, but from the overall trilogy, I still look at it as Agent Smith's story. His triumphant rise and fall, rise again to complete god like power and ultimately his fall from grace by a higher power he didn't know could take him down. But only by a martyr was his power taken away. Looking at the films in that light makes me enjoy them a bit more. And that's because Hugo Weaving could be doing pantomime while tap dancing and I'd still think it was brilliant. <br/><br/><span style="font-style: italic;">The Matrix</span> sequels just feel like they were made to make money. And I agree, Hollywood is in the business of making money. Why make movies then? For only the artistic value? Then movies wouldn't be made at all. I just feel that the Wachowskis could have instead taken their vision and put it toward something so much better.*<br/><br/>*And I actually liked <span style="font-style: italic;">Speed Racer.</span><br/>]]></description>
					  <author>no@spam.com (James McCormick)</author>
					  <pubDate>Thu, 28 Aug 2008 00:00:00 EDT</pubDate>
					 <guid isPermaLink="true">http://chud.com/articles/blogs/1171/On-my-vacation-rewatching-the-Matrix-films.html</guid>
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					  <title><![CDATA[Hard Case Crime&#039;s Songs of Innocence]]></title>
					  <link>http://chud.com/articles/blogs/1113/Hard-Case-Crime039s-Songs-of-Innocence.html</link>
					  <description><![CDATA[No, that wasn't a funny headline. This is actually a review on one of the many fantastic books <span style="font-weight: bold;">Hard Case Crime</span> has to offer.<br/><br/>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Once in awhile a company comes along
that impresses me with their whole catalog of products. It's usually
a DVD company. To be honest, I'm a film fanatic so I tend to watch as
many films as possible, different genres from different eras and I
look for the large companies and the up and coming to get my fair
share from. One of my favorite genres of film are film noir. Old or
new, I love it when someone can give me a private eye who punches
first and asks questions later.  So it is in this regard that the
company I'm speaking about isn't a DVD company. It's <b>Hard Case
Crime</b>, who deal with crime novels that people like Dashiell
Hammet, Richard Stark and Mickey Spillane would write for...
actually, one of which does have books published with them (it's the
second under his real name Donald E. Westlake). 


<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Why bring this fine company up? Well,
they had sent me three books to review awhile ago and I read through
one in a matter of 2 days. The second book I read through in about 3
days. The third I haven't had the time to read due to work
overwhelming my life, battling a rat the size of my Irish head and
trying to still move in my apartment 10 months after I signed the
lease. I will be reviewing two of their books here in the next two
days, the first being <i>Songs of Innocence</i><span style="font-style: normal;">
written by Richard Aleas (pen name of Hard Case Crime founder Charles
Ardai) with cover art by Glen Orbik and </span><i>The MAX</i><span style="font-style: normal;">
written by Ken Bruen and Jason Starr with cover art by Glen Orbik
again. </span>
</p>

<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; In <i>Songs of 
</i><span style="font-style: normal;">Innocence (released last July),
it</span> is the second book starring Aleas' character John Blake.
Not having read the first novel starring him (2004's <i>Little Girl
Lost</i><span style="font-style: normal;">), it didn't take long to
learn about this deeply scarred former PI. You already see the pieces
in his life that are shattered; a lover who was killed by his last
assignment and a good friend almost lost as well. He's now taken a
low key position as an administrative assistant at Columbia
University. He's also using this position to take a creative writing
class to better hone his skills. This is where he meets Dorothy
Burke, a beautiful younger dame (sorry, getting in the mindset of
some pulp fiction), who he has a connection with. The only problem is
that the story starts off with the police finding her dead in her
bathtub, with the book </span><i>Final Exit</i><span style="font-style: normal;">
sitting right beside her, a plastic bag over her head and of course
ruling it a suicide. Her mother thinks otherwise and wants to acquire
John's detective persona to take the case and find out who killed her
daughter. He tells her he isn't in that business anymore and tells
the friend who almost died to take the case instead. But the problem
is that he's mounting his own investigation to find out who killed
Dorothy. </span>
</p>

<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-style: normal;">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; What
Charles Ardai has done is take a simple premise of the lover/friend
being found in a messy situation, and instead of taking the easy way
out and calling it the way it looks, takes the character and the
reader into an adventure around the sights and sounds not commonly
seen in New York City. It's the violent NYC underworld we as the
reader wants to hear about. We can't help it, it's something about
stories, be it in print or on the screen that intrigues us. That
tickles are fancy into wondering what happens next, no matter what
time of day it is. I have to admit that while reading this story, I
sometimes couldn't put the book down. I was like an addict, and sadly
a book in the fiction section hasn't done that to me in quite some
time. </span>
</p>

<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-style: normal;">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Dorothy
has confided in John her life as a prostitute named Cassandra, a call
girl in the world of secret bath houses and happy endings that
accompany them. So of course he tries to track down a list of johns,
maybe one of which was a bit too 'hands on' and snuffed out the life
of his friend. It leads him into many fights, call girls with hearts
of gold but ice water running through their veins, the Hungarian mob
being provoked by Blake and then being retaliated against by pinning
a dead body on him, twist and turns, jumps between 60 foot crevices
on the rooftops of buildings, cops getting closer to him, a manhunt
for Blake, a estranged father Dorothy rarely talked about, a friend
who betrays him and so much more. I don't want to ruin the story,
which is why I'm being very aloof in what I speak about. But what
Ardai is doing here is taking a old pulp story, one that would be
written for the fans, and taking it to the new century, infusing new
life in a genre that most people don't give too much credit to. </span>
</p>

<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-style: normal;">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I'd
like to point out that Ardai has said that his first Hard Case Crime
novel, </span><i>Little Girl Lost</i><span style="font-style: normal;">,
took him only 2 or so months to write. It then took him roughly 3
years to finish </span><i>Songs of Innocence</i><span style="font-style: normal;">,
which doest surprise me. The character of John Blake is a difficult
one to write about. A wounded man, one that doesn't look at himself
the way he used to, slumming around and wishing he was somebody else.
It's a hard book to write and to make the character likable,
especially when he's being a real dick to people he loves is even
harder, but Ardai does it here. A quick read that you just want to go
back and read a few more times to find the little hints at the
stunning conclusion that you have to read to believe. Plus the book
is less than 7 bucks, so it won't hurt your pocket much.  Give it a
chance, especially since the book has been optioned for a film, so as
soon as I hear more about it, I'll keep you posted. </span>
</p>

<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-style: normal;">	Part
two comes tomorrow night when I review Ken Bruen and Jason Starr's <span style="font-style: italic;">The Max.</span><br/></span></p>
<br/>]]></description>
					  <author>no@spam.com (James McCormick)</author>
					  <pubDate>Thu, 14 Aug 2008 00:00:00 EDT</pubDate>
					 <guid isPermaLink="true">http://chud.com/articles/blogs/1113/Hard-Case-Crime039s-Songs-of-Innocence.html</guid>
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					  <title><![CDATA[Randomized thoughts Vol. 1]]></title>
					  <link>http://chud.com/articles/blogs/1110/Randomized-thoughts-Vol-1.html</link>
					  <description><![CDATA[Been away for quite a bit. Been working overnights into the day shift at 14 hours a day. At five days a week makes James an insane little boy. But I'm using these few minutes I have that I don't need to either be eating, sleeping, shitting or working to write a random blog about random things that have been going through my head and/or going on in the world. <br/><br/>1) Russia invading Georgia. Wow, is all I can say. Terrible, of course, that this is happening. A big slap to both China (during their Olympics) and to the Middle East (How dare they try to get more oil). I always had my eye on Putin; he always reminded me of a <span style="font-style: italic;">Die Hard</span> villain. But this is real life and let's hope somehow things are put into perspective and the U.S. (and I mean Bush) doesn't do or say anything to provoke the matter more. Which looks like it could've happened already with the demand of a cease fire. *gulp*<br/><br/>2) Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes, both dead. Bernie Mac died from complications from pneumonia. In this day and age, who dies from pneumonia? Only 90 year olds, people transported from the 1800's and Native Americans meeting Europeans die from pneumonia. Here's to the back of Forrest Whitaker's neck. <br/><br/>Isaac Hayes died next to his treadmill. It seemed that he said, "Oh my god children, my friend Bernie Mac died out of nowhere. Let's have a nice run and then a salad. Ack!" And then falls to the floor, rolling up and dying. End scene. <br/><br/>3) Scarlett Johansson is offering up a threesome to a lucky couple who tickles her fancy. But it's all promotion for the new Woody Allen film <span style="font-style: italic;">Vicky Christina Barcelona</span> and in fact refers to the following: 'threesome' refers to the movie going date experience consisting of three people. Which made me laugh that in this day and age with all the freaks out there, you have to legally say it won't consist of the 'ol' in out, in out'. And every time I see a picture of the fine Scarlett, she gets hotter. Which sends me to the year 2001 and seeing <span style="font-style: italic;">Ghost World </span>in theaters and saying, "Wow, Thora Birch is so hot. Who's this mannish girl who can't act?" Ahh, how times change your opinions on people. And their body structure. <br/><br/>4) My good friend Tommy has given me more of a reason to love Orson Welles by showing me the fantastic outtakes from the 70's champagne commercial that popularized him for a new generation. Look up Orson Welles Drunk, and it'll always be the first 7 videos. <br/><br/>Which had me laughing and then feeling a bit sad for the rotund actor/director. But then it had me looking back at his films and loving them. Especially <span style="font-style: italic;">F For Fake</span> and <span style="font-style: italic;">Mr. Arkadin</span>. Ahhh, to see Unicron on the sauce makes you think; was he always drunk? It's kind of like the same thing as Jimi Hendrix and realizing while he was playing his music, he was always on some sort of drug. Is that the opening into someone's untapped potential, which promptly reminds me of the film <span style="font-style: italic;">From Beyond</span>, but for other reasons entirely. <br/><br/>5) Found the website My Damn Channel and have been watching <span style="font-style: italic;">Wainy Days</span>  starring the funny David Wain of <span style="font-style: italic;">Wet Hot American Summer</span>, <span style="font-style: italic;">The Ten</span>, <span style="font-style: italic;">The State</span> and <span style="font-style: italic;">Stella</span> fame. Everyone should check it out. It's awkward and funny, which is always a great combination when it comes to comedy. <br/><br/>Also was watching <span style="font-style: italic;">Cooking With Coolio </span>which answered my previous question of what rock has Coolio been hiding under? It's not really funny at all, but it's a train wreck and worth a glance, only to remember he was one of the top rap performers for a few months. <br/><br/>6) Billy Bob Thornton is supposedly Freddy Krueger. I feel hurt, betrayed... but intrigued and quite illuminated as well. Robert Englund will always be Freddy Krueger to me and millions of <span style="font-style: italic;">Nightmare on Elm Street </span>fans. He frightened me at first and then had me laugh by the end and then frightened a bit again in the under- appreciated <span style="font-style: italic;">New Nightmare</span>. Billy Bob Thornton is a fantastic actor and stars in one of my favorite Christmas movies of all time*. One I'll be showing my kids when they're born 10 years from now. He suffered anorexia, so he has the gaunt creepy stance going for him. He also feeds the hobos, likes fried potaters and has a fantastic hair piece* that makes William Shatner and Burt Reynolds turn heads. He was also on the terrible John Ritter/ Markie Post sitcom <span style="font-style: italic;">Hearts Afire</span>, which was scary enough. But why remake such a great film in the first place? Hollywood decided a little while ago to stop trying so hard, to put out stuff people recognize right away and why not? They're in it to make money, so why wouldn't they use franchises people know and love already? But I'll still be yearning for a new Nightmare film with Robert Englund, who's also a class act and a great interview as well. Maybe he'll play a father figure in the new film. Passing the torch, so to speak. <br/><br/>7) Retards protesting <span style="font-style: italic;">Tropic Thunder</span>. Which surprises me, because I would've thought if anyone was to protest the film, it would've been the NAACP for Downey's black face portrayal or people who love fat people against Jack Black's 'horrific' poking fun at fat people in a movie he starred in, ala Eddie Murphy. People need to get a life, get a sense of humor and just see the movie or don't see the movie. And Devin is right, if I go see the film and there's a ton of mentally handicapped people (who I also used to work with and help out when I lived in Ohio for a short time), I couldn't help if I laughed a little. It's just like when someone falls, someone sneezes or coughs horribly or someone's yamalka falls off their head. It's always funny. <br/><br/>I think I'll end it for now at lucky number 7. Or slevin, as Hollywood would have you believe. <br/><br/>*<span style="font-style: italic;">Bad Santa</span><br/>]]></description>
					  <author>no@spam.com (James McCormick)</author>
					  <pubDate>Thu, 14 Aug 2008 00:00:00 EDT</pubDate>
					 <guid isPermaLink="true">http://chud.com/articles/blogs/1110/Randomized-thoughts-Vol-1.html</guid>
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					  <title><![CDATA[I miss Mike Myers]]></title>
					  <link>http://chud.com/articles/blogs/1030/I-miss-Mike-Myers.html</link>
					  <description><![CDATA[Just kidding.<br/><br/>I don't miss him one bit. Fine, I liked the first Austin Powers movie (even though In Like Flint* is far superior). I really liked the first Wayne's World film. Even the sequel was halfway decent.<br/><br/>Then something happened. He just phoned it in. He uses the only stupid voice he knows and keeps at it. Racial stereotypes are no problem for Mr. Myers. And then The Love Guru came out. So bad that when I went to an advanced screening of it, there was nobody there. They actually canceled the screening. An advanced screening that I was willing to go through, be tortured and watch a horrendous film. It wouldn't be the first time**. But I was going to do it for all of you.<br/><br/>But something stood in the way. Common sense? Maybe. And better yet, maybe the world is finally realizing that Dana Carvey was the slightly more talented one.<br/><br/>Nah.<br/><br/>So of course Myers jumps back on his slow going, easy for the mongoloids of the world to digest bandwagon and has signed on for a third unnecessary sequel to Austin Powers. He's already signed on for two more 'will be depressingly bad' Shrek films. And a sequel to 54 has also been announced***.<br/><br/>I'm just in shock to see such a promising comedic actor at one time take his career to the point of hitting all cylinders and taking the easiest way out and making trite sequels and even worse original fare that recycles the same shit he's been churning out anyway.<br/><br/>Now I'll sit back, eat some lunch and wonder when he'll resort to getting on his knees to beg Lorne Michaels to let him use the character of Dieter. Just call the film Sprockets to the Moon. It'll make a fortune. Hell, it'd have to do better than The Love Guru.<br/><br/>*James Coburn owns. Plain and simple. <br/><br/>** Two words: Skeleton Key<br/><br/>*** And if you believed that, do I have a sight for you!<br/>]]></description>
					  <author>no@spam.com (James McCormick)</author>
					  <pubDate>Fri, 01 Aug 2008 00:00:00 EDT</pubDate>
					 <guid isPermaLink="true">http://chud.com/articles/blogs/1030/I-miss-Mike-Myers.html</guid>
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					  <title><![CDATA[A Break in the Normal Programming]]></title>
					  <link>http://chud.com/articles/blogs/995/A-Break-in-the-Normal-Programming.html</link>
					  <description><![CDATA[As I attempt to write an article for the magazine Paracinema (a great genre magazine slowly building up steam in various markets throughout the country),&nbsp; writing reviews on some exploitation films Severin Films sent me recently to cover and also some book reviews for one of my favorite companies in the literary world, Hard Case Crime, I sit here and realize something very important. <br/><br/>After just watching the trailer for the new Shane Meadows film <span style="font-style: italic;">Somers Town </span>(Thanks to Twitch Film and Empire for that exclusive), it had me just sit back and wonder what makes a great film a great film. Last year, there were a bunch of films that blew my mind away. Two grand examples being  and <span style="font-style: italic;">No Country For Old Men<span style="font-style: italic;"> </span></span>and <span style="font-style: italic;">There Will be Blood. </span>But the film that truly blew me away in 2007 was a small film from England called <span style="font-style: italic;">This is England</span>. Just took my breath away and I've notice the older I have gotten, even with this year's huge film <span style="font-style: italic;">The Dark Knight</span> (which I did love), my favorite film of the year is the little seen and little known gem <span style="font-style: italic;">In Bruges</span> by another up and comer filmmaker, Martin McDonagh. <br/><br/>These films (and especially Shane Meadows 2004 film that I rented on a whim because of the cover* <span style="font-style: italic;">Dead Man's Shoes</span>) just proves to me, time and time again that big films shouldn't always equal big budgets. But we know that, we're a film lover's community. Critics, the lot of us. <br/><br/>Sometimes a character study within a film is all I need to enjoy 90 minutes, 2 hours, whatever the running time is. It doesn't have to have huge explosions to get a thrill out of me. Not that it ever hurts though. Hence why I'll bring up <span style="font-style: italic;">The Dark Knight&nbsp; </span>one more time. It works in my opinion because each of the main 4 characters (Gordon, Batman/Wayne, Dent/Two-Face and the Joker) are all fleshed out characters, each developing on screen before us and in turn is why we care for them, why we fear them when they are broken to the brink of insanity or just love them for their chaotic way of life and anarchy is the name of the game. This is why I used to collect comic books like I had nothing to lose. This is why I re-read The Watchmen every year, sometimes twice, to relive that moment in time when I saw these characters in my own head and their constant changes and sometimes ultimate preservation or destruction unfolded before me.<br/><br/>&nbsp;<br/>Which brings me to one reason for this blog. Devin's last article about people in general repeat viewings of <span style="font-style: italic;">The Dark Knight</span> and other films just took me back a bit. I wasn't angry at him, not in the least bit. It just showed me that film fanatics are different, every single one of them. And that's a good thing. Opinions are a great thing for conversation as well. It opens up debate, draws political lines, all that fun stuff. He has a strong opinion about film, which is all well and good. He is a critic for one of the premiere sites online for us film fanatics. Which is why we're here. Which is also why I wanted to write a blog for this site in the first place. A great meeting place for other film fans. I've already had conversations with a few of the other bloggers, and we all tend to be on the same wavelength when it comes to film in general. We might not all like the same films but we love the process of film making and hate films that take the easy way out. <br/><br/>Repeat viewing occurs on dvd all the time now, on vhs and beta max before and before that we had the good ol' days of 8 and 16mm film. Why repeat view in general? Because you love the movie. Or better yet, you study film (like I tend to do) to the point of finding mistakes that you probably wouldn't notice with one viewing. If I didn't view movies repeatedly in general, I wouldn't have a dvd collection at 1400 right now. And it's of films and TV shows that I love and watch over and over and show friends who might not have seen certain films. Right now, for some reason, <span style="font-style: italic;">Idiocracy</span> is a film that tons of my friends have never seen, so it's been double feature night every Friday night in my abode. I tend to also showcase old trailers in between films, depending on the genre. Yes, that makes me an uber-geek, but what can I do about it? It's something I'm passionate about, something I love to write about. Being an aspiring filmmaker too also showcases the reason to view and pinpoint certain aspects of the process. <br/><br/>Shit, I'm rambling now. I should stop and go back to writing this article. I just wanted to both defend Devin and other people like him but also show our side of the situation, where we love to go out to the theater to re-watch a film we saw only a day earlier. Some people can't go and see a independent film, which is sad. But everyone should, if they are interested in that film. I know because of CHUD and Devin himself, I'm going to go check out <span style="font-style: italic;">Baghead</span> the moment I have a chance tomorrow afternoon. <br/><br/>*A video store trick that still haunts me to this day. I remember when I rented <span style="font-style: italic;">Maniac</span> strictly for the cover, and to this day it's still one of my favorite slasher flicks. Long live Spinell!<br/>]]></description>
					  <author>no@spam.com (James McCormick)</author>
					  <pubDate>Sun, 27 Jul 2008 00:00:00 EDT</pubDate>
					 <guid isPermaLink="true">http://chud.com/articles/blogs/995/A-Break-in-the-Normal-Programming.html</guid>
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					  <title><![CDATA[Battling a Rat or How I should have just killed the damn thing]]></title>
					  <link>http://chud.com/articles/blogs/979/Battling-a-Rat-or-How-I-should-have-just-killed-the-damn-thing.html</link>
					  <description><![CDATA[So I haven't been online for almost a week now because I was attempting nonstop when I got home from work everyday to catch a rat. No, not a little mouse that tends to come into someone's apartment. But a Splinter sized rat who happened to take my apartment as his new abode and try to get away with it. <br/><br/>A week ago I wrote a nice long blog about Michael Keaton and how I missed the poor guy. I was going to follow that up the next day by writing a blog on how I missed Tim Burton and how I actually re-watched the original 1989 version of Batman and how I actually was dozing off throughout the film. Just wasn't as good of a film as I had remembered. <br/><br/>I was one of the pathetic schmucks who went to see <span style="font-style: italic;">The Dark Knight</span> twice over the weekend, the main reason being that on Thursday night my girlfriend and I had midnight tickets (which turned out to be 12:30 a.m. tickets actually) at the 42nd street theater and waited on the line from 9 p.m. It was actually a pretty swell time, just looking at this moron dressed as Superman behind us and how every person who passed him by had to ask him if he was at the right movie. <br/><br/>Hysterical, I know. <br/><br/>The second viewing came only 12 hours later after work when I saw it with my two great friends (Tommy and Steve... and Steve, we're hoping you don't have to get your big toe lobbed off) and went ape shit over how they got it right. But that's not what this blog is about. <br/><br/>When I got home later that day, I passed out on my couch. Waking up a few hours later, I went into my computer room to write up an article and I heard a rustling. I looked behind me and it had stopped. Went back to my typing and sure enough, the sounds kept coming from behind me. And it would keep stopping when I ceased to type. I shook my head, thinking it was just the draft coming from the window. Our landlord is a real twit and failed to make any repairs to the apartment when we moved in roughly a year ago. And sadly, it feels as if we're still moving in all these months later. <br/><br/>The weekend went by without a hitch but I had tons of stuff to do so I said no to the computer. Why sit there all day when I could go out and be a bit social for once? Monday rolls on through and I get a text with the following message from my girlfriend. <br/><br/>'We have a rodent again.' followed by a 'Just now again! Def a rat!' <br/><br/>Which made me think that maybe she was seeing things. It had to be a mouse. How does a rat get into someone's apartment? And if it was a rat, it was probably a small rat, a young one. I asked her if she was sure and she had told me it was pretty big. <br/><br/>So in my day, I would just set up a trap to kill the damn thing. But my girlfriend is a nice person and loves animals so she insisted on buying a rat trap, one that would catch it humanely and then we bring it near someone else's abode and let it loose there. Or to the side of a highway, which there is one nearby. So she bought that and some of those Black and Decker sound wave contraptions that supposedly drive rodents and bugs insane. So we set up the trap with a Ritz cracker and some peanut butter on top and left it in the computer room, closed door and waited. Nothing happened for a full day. Then I got another text at my job while I was working. <br/><br/>'Did you touch the trap at all?" Of course I didn't. I checked it that morning to see if anything was caught.<br/><br/>'Well, the cracker is gone and the trap is closed.' <br/><br/>Which then made me do a double take at work. Either this thing was really small and escaped through the small holes on the sides of the trap. Or this thing was bigger than I had imagined and was going to bite my throat out in the middle of the night if I wasn't careful. You know how those New York City rats are, always trying to one up every other rat. <br/><br/>So we figured if it was as big as it seemed to be, we had to close one end of the trap, putting the cracker on the closed side, so by the time it grabbed at the food, it would be trapped. But would it fall for the same trap again? Well, it would have to because we put a towel on top of it, showcasing it as a tunnel. And we put it in our hallway, so of course it wasn't the same trap. We also figured to tape the vent in the computer room, blocking the thing from leaving. <br/><br/>So yesterday (Wednesday) comes along and I get home, exhausted from work. I go to the bathroom and look on the floor and notice dirt which wasn't there this morning and spilling out of the vent in there. The damn super rat figured out how to get around and find its way into the bathroom. Now I had no idea where this thing could be, considering the only door closed was the computer room. Looking around, there was no trail at all. Nothing to distinguish where it could have gone. <br/><br/>Nada. Zilch. <br/><br/>So I told my girlfriend that and she made the great suggestion of taping up the vent in the bathroom and our bedroom. So I did this and now it's only way out was the front door (which I'd have to unlock if it asked me nicely) or the kitchen (which I didn't know where it could be... too many places in that room to go). We decide to watch our favorite screaming chef Gordon Ramsay's new show, Kitchen Nightmares. I love the BBC one, so this one shouldn't disappoint. While watching it, I thought I heard a sound. But of course when you become silent, so does the sound. <br/><br/>I decide to get a water and that's when I saw the feces. The droppings were huge and it freaked the hell out of me. If the shit of this thing was that big, how the hell was I going to fight it? It would overpower me, tie me up and make me watch while it had its way with my dear loved one. So I come back to the living room, continuing to watch the show when I saw it. It looked at me, winking a bit and running into the bedroom. <br/><br/>IT WAS FUCKING HUMONGOUS! <br/><br/>I don't exaggerate when I say that it was the size of John Holmes' AIDS addicted dead cock. Which the thought of that biting me freaked me a bit more then I had intended. Silencing the television, we waited. About 10 minutes later, it came out and nonchalantly came into the living room to sit next to us and have some popcorn. <br/><br/>Actually, it just came into the room and went under the couch and somehow my girlfriend kept it together and made the most silent scream I had never heard. Of course this is all happened when her mom had called her and she had to pretend that nothing was out of the ordinary. So I told her to go into the bedroom and close the door behind herself. I was taking this rat one on one, man to rodent, the best intelligent species would win in the battle of the century. <br/><br/>I just stomped on the couch, on the table, on the floor. Trying to freak it out more than I was and to either get it to run into the trap or to attempt to make a break for the front door. I did this for about 15 minutes when suddenly I heard a slight sound. A sound I had never heard before. Metallic sounding, my girlfriend opened the bedroom door and asked what the sound was. Did I hear the sound I had been waiting to hear all week? <br/><br/>No, it's neck wasn't broken. But second best, success had occurred when I lifted the towel off the trap and the beast was now enclosed inside its shiny walls. And it was pissed. Making a sound that seemed to come from the Bog of Stench, it was hitting against the trap, trying to escape. And for a brief moment, I thought it would get out. I mean, rats are known to chew through concrete. And no, I'm not making that up! <br/><br/>So I put it in a printer box, cage and all, and we proceed to leave and walk roughly half a mile to let it go. Of course opening the trap proved difficult, with Remy's evil dirty cousin trying to pull a Houdini while we were trying to do the animal rights thing and let it out. It finally calmed down and when we opened the gate, it jumped out and ran off into the grass near the highway. My girlfriend, skieved as much as I was, felt like we did the right thing. <br/><br/>I felt worried. Worried that by the time we got home, it would be there again, rapping its knuckles on the side of the couch, ready to evict us from our own apartment. It's been almost a full day since the capture and release of Public Rat #1.<br/><br/>And I'm still hearing noises. Fucking rats. <br/>]]></description>
					  <author>no@spam.com (James McCormick)</author>
					  <pubDate>Thu, 24 Jul 2008 00:00:00 EDT</pubDate>
					 <guid isPermaLink="true">http://chud.com/articles/blogs/979/Battling-a-Rat-or-How-I-should-have-just-killed-the-damn-thing.html</guid>
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					  <title><![CDATA[I miss Michael Keaton]]></title>
					  <link>http://chud.com/articles/blogs/927/I-miss-Michael-Keaton.html</link>
					  <description><![CDATA[With the release of the new Batman flick <span style="font-style: italic;">The Dark Knight </span>in about 24 hours (trust me, I'll be there at 12:01 a.m.), I brought out my <span style="font-style: italic;">Batman</span> DVD collection and was watching bits and pieces of each one. Then I decided to throw on Tim Burton's <span style="font-style: italic;">Batman</span>, and watching Michael Keaton made me realize that I miss the guy a lot. <br/><br/>I really do. He was always that awkward yet charming individual who women liked and men wanted to hang out and have a beer with. But what went wrong? Where has he been? It's not as if he hasn't worked recently. He's actually been in some movies, one of which did pretty decently at the box office. <br/><br/>Where to begin though? I guess the best place, as usual, is the beginning. Not when he was doing bit parts on sitcoms and one line readings in films. I'm speaking about his comedic beginning. So the best place to begin would be his star turn in <span style="font-style: italic;">Night Shift.</span> <br/><br/>The year was 1982, I was a spry 2 years old and don't remember much besides zweibeck cookies and apple juice cocktails. But I know when the years passed and I finally got to see this film, I appreciated what kind of comedy it was. A swinger comedy starring the Fonz and Keaton, directed by Richie Cunningham? A funny foray in the overnight mortuary business and to make ends meet they throw together their very own brothel and hilarity ensues. And with Keaton's Billy Blazejowski, the laughs come at rapid fire. A film that desperately needs a special edition. <br/><br/>He followed it up with the feel good comedy <span style="font-style: italic;">Mr. Mom</span>, another comedy where hilarity ensues once the wife goes to work and dad is left home to fend for himself. A film written by John Hughes, it's not a great film, but proved Keaton's star power and showed he could do a straight laced comedy. <br/><br/>He then jumped onto the 1930's era comedy <span style="font-style: italic;">Johnny Dangerously</span>. You can't get better than the comedy duo of Michael Keaton and Joe Piscopo. And I'm not even being sarcastic there. Not only was it one of the first films with a PG-13 rating (Ahhh, Spielberg always innovating), but had some heart to it. If you don't know what it was about, he played a good natured man who needs to work in a life of crime to pay for his mom's expensive medical bills. A good mafia satire, not many people remember this film when I mention it to them. Maybe I need to speak to people who know movies a little bit more. Joe Piscopo, like in <span style="font-style: italic;">Dead Heat</span>, steals every scene chewing line. <br/><br/>Then came another Ron Howard film, <span style="font-style: italic;">Gung Ho</span>. I remember my dad hating the film for some reason, so I put off from watching it because I trusted my dad's opinion. But then one day I caught it on HBO and sat down and watched it. And liked it quite a bit. A film delving into the whole Japanese work ethic and American laziness, I liked the dichotomy Howard brought to the movie and Keaton again brought a comedic flare to a film with some deep issues that people were going through in the 1980's. It's a film that my friend who is now a business professor uses as a template of what could happen. <br/><br/>His next star making turn was his first foray into Tim Burton's mind, <span style="font-style: italic;">Beetlejuice</span>. It's a film I've watched hundreds of times and still find it hysterical. He's so over the top and you could tell he's loving every minute of it. Great cheesy stop motion special effects, a young and hot Winona Ryder, a young and 'still can't believe it's him' Alec Baldwin, 1940's would be pinup Geena Davis (a future installment in I Miss series), a pre-child pornography and 200 pounds lighter Jeffrey Jones. It just works on all accounts. A twisted children's movie with enough sexuality that parents didn't mind bringing their kids to see it. But then again, did many of them get the film at all? <br/><br/>In the same year of 1988, he went dramatic and did <span style="font-style: italic;">Clean and Sober</span>, showing he had the guts to play a coke addict and alcoholic who had no cares in the world until he meets a woman (the great Kathy Baker) and wants to help her and ultimately falls for her. Morgan Freeman as the drug counselor puts in some great work as well. I notice a trend with Michael Keaton movies. A lot of them get lumped in between great iconic roles he's done, so people forget about the little gems he produced here and there. <br/><br/>He went right back to comedy with&nbsp; <span style="font-style: italic;">The Dream Team. </span>A fun 'fish out of water' comedy about a group of guys who are in a sanitarium (led by Keaton with great comic performances from Christopher Lloyd and Peter Boyle) and find themselves lost in New York and framed for murder. One of those feel good about my home town movies. But hell, NYC at that time was full of psychos, pimps and murderers. Well, more so then now. They know how to hide it better. <br/><br/>Of course in the year of 1989, Bob Kane's supposed* bouncing baby boy was finally made into a true to life big budget summer film. <span style="font-style: italic;">Batman </span>was unleashed to all of us comic book nerds and we fell in love with it the moment we laid eyes on it. But the road there wasn't too easy. The same comic book fans who cheered for this darker take on the Dark Knight were earlier ripping apart the notion that 'the guy who played Beetlejuice' was to play Bruce Wayne. Michael Keaton felt the pressure and proved them wrong with a good portrayl of the dual identity. Even though I always thought he was a better Batman and a half way decent Bruce Wayne. I always felt he was a bit too awkward in the millionaire role. Tim Burton brought his own quirkyness and made the film his own. Jack Nicholson was a good Joker, a ultra violent Cesar Romero protege, which isn't a knock on the performance. I'm a fan of the original series, no matter how many Bams, Biffs and Pows there were. A fun romp was this version of Batman, but we all knew there could be more. Someday. <br/><br/>A duo of subpar films came next (<span style="font-style: italic;">Pacific Heights</span> and <span style="font-style: italic;">One Good Cop</span>) which are more or less delegated for a late night cable watching, but nothing more. We all knew we were waiting for the next installment of the Batman franchise. <span style="font-style: italic;">Batman Returns </span>came to theaters in the summer of 1992. Myself being a more spry 12 year old, I rushed to the theater to see Keaton again play the caped crusader. When I left the theater, I don't know how I felt. I liked it like a lot of people did, but how long was Batman even in the film? 30 minutes? That's how it felt. I still wonder if anyone ever took a tally on how much screen time the hero has in that film. You could also tell Tim Burton had much more of a stranglehold on the story, with some good (Catwoman/ her suit/ Michelle Pfeiffer in general) and some mediocre (Danny Devito wasn't bad, but this freakish penguin monster of a man? Eh, not a fan of that. Or of the Penguin in general). But still, an enjoyable mess of a film, with Christopher Walken's worst hair style in the history of filmdom. And that's including <span style="font-style: italic;">Joe Dirt.</span><br/><br/>I think I was one of only 7 people in the world who saw <span style="font-style: italic;">My Life</span> in theaters. And I wish it was 6 people, because that was a bad film. A young Nicole Kidman looking less like the infamous Cat Lady and more like the beautiful irish lass we all loved at one point. But he bounced back with another Ron Howard helmed film, <span style="font-style: italic;">The Paper</span>. I really enjoyed that film. A great script. A really great cast (I can't help but love all films with Robert Duvall**). And some tight direction. A film that I didn't think I'd actually keep watching 15 years later, but Keaton always surprises. <br/><br/>Next he made a cute film called <span style="font-style: italic;">Speechless</span>. He paired once again with his <span style="font-style: italic;">Beetlejuice </span>costar Geena Davis and it was the matchup of a lifetime. I speak about Batman vs. Superman, Keaton vs. Reeve. As a kid, I think I was the only 14 year old who made that connection when seeing that film in theaters. I was a bored kid, can't you tell? We then go into Harold Ramis trying to regain his comedy bug with the sci fi comedic yarn <span style="font-style: italic;">Multiplicity</span>. I watched it. <br/><br/>Once. <br/><br/>That is all. <br/><br/>His next 3 films were not only enjoyable, but two of which I still cherish today. <span style="font-style: italic;">Jackie Brown</span>, <span style="font-style: italic;">Desperate Measures</span> and <span style="font-style: italic;">Out of Sight</span>. <span style="font-style: italic;">Jackie Brown </span>and <span style="font-style: italic;">Out of Sight</span> he played the same great character of Ray Nicolette, a great little twist to both films. Both done by directors I still love today (Tarantino and Soderbergh). I still say <span style="font-style: italic;">Jackie Brown</span> is Tarantino's red headed stepson when they promote any new movie by him. They always pan over that film and I still don't know why. It was a progression in his repertoire, like <span style="font-style: italic;">Death Proof</span>, so maybe people didn't get it. I always forget that the mass movie public aren't too bright. And <span style="font-style: italic;">Out of Sight</span> was the first time I saw George Clooney and Jennifer Lopez as stars in the making. Only one deserves it still. <br/><br/>But what happened after those two great character pieces by Keaton? He did a family film with a badly CGI snowman (<span style="font-style: italic;">Jack Frost</span>), a decent sports movie (<span style="font-style: italic;">A Shot at Glory</span>), a terrible straight to DVD action film (<span style="font-style: italic;">Quicksand</span>), some shit I'll never watch (<span style="font-style: italic;">First Daughter</span> and <span style="font-style: italic;">Herbie: Fully Loaded</span>), a crappy horror film <span style="font-style: italic;">(White Noise</span>), a decent but little seen dark comedy (<span style="font-style: italic;">Game 6</span>) and Pixar's second worst film*** (<span style="font-style: italic;">Cars</span>). <br/><br/>Where did he go? What can he do to bring back the glory of his once shining career? A lot of people (myself included) say that after Batman, he hit a snag in his career. He still had a few choice and brilliant roles, but he wasn't matching box office gold like he once was, so the starring roles got to be fewer and far between. Hollywood is sometimes a bitch, and he's felt the wrath. But I have more faith in him to bring the goods again. He just needs a little resurgence. A role that only he could play. <br/><br/>Any great filmmakers out there need a good character actor? Hey Ron Howard and Tim Burton... you worked with the guy multiple times. Bring him back to greatness. Come to think about it, what great movies have you guys done in the last 10 years? Hmm, on second thought Michael, find some new fresh blood. A director who will appreciate you and a script that will give you&nbsp;back your groove.****<br/><br/><br/>*Bill Finger: RIP<br/><br/>** Well, not every film. <span style="font-style: italic;">Kicking and Screaming </span>comes to mind. Ewww.<br/><br/>***&nbsp;<span style="font-style: italic;">A Bug's </span><span style="font-style: italic;">Life&nbsp;</span>being my least favorite. <br/><br/>**** Unlike Stella.&nbsp;]]></description>
					  <author>no@spam.com (James McCormick)</author>
					  <pubDate>Wed, 16 Jul 2008 00:00:00 EDT</pubDate>
					 <guid isPermaLink="true">http://chud.com/articles/blogs/927/I-miss-Michael-Keaton.html</guid>
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					  <title><![CDATA[I miss Eddie Murphy]]></title>
					  <link>http://chud.com/articles/blogs/901/I-miss-Eddie-Murphy.html</link>
					  <description><![CDATA[Eddie, Eddie, Eddie. And no, I am not speaking about the abysmal movie <span style="font-style: italic;">Eddie</span> with Whoopi Goldberg. Ugh, that just sent shivers down my spine. <br/><br/>No, instead I speak about the abysmal movie career choice/choices that Eddie Murphy has chosen in this lifetime. What happened to our 'heh heh heh' guy? Oh right, <span style="font-style: italic;">Beverly Hills Cop 3</span> happened. Thanks a ton, John Landis. <br/><br/>I speak of the good old days, the all or nothing days. The days when Eddie Murphy was both racy and funny as fuck. Funny as fuck is funnier than funny as hell. Trust me, the devil told me once. He never lies. <br/><br/>Eddie Murphy used to be funny. Not in the 'PG, boy there's some fart jokes and crazy hijinks' type of funny. It was more along the lines of, "R rated, fuck all that shit man. I'm a funny fucker." type of funny. <br/><br/>Where to begin? I guess I should begin where he hit his stride, his comedic repertoire was given a chance to shine and he could gain notoriety as the one guy who would say and do the things nobody else would. Of course, like my last 'I'm missing someone' article about Steve Martin, Eddie Murphy was also showcased very well on Saturday Night Live. You'd think it was some sort of breeding ground for top movie talent.*<br/><br/>But while he was on, the only real talents on the show were Eddie Murphy and Joe Piscopo (sorry Gilbert Gottfried) and we all remember who made <span style="font-style: italic;">Dead Heat</span>. I don't have to go into detail as to why Eddie Murphy's run on SNL was a brilliant cross between intelligent humor and in your face comedy about race. I'll just mention Gumby, Buckwheat, undercover as a white man, Mr. Robinson and his Stevie Wonder impression. Even when he messed up during a segment, he just rolled with it, yelling at the crowd. <br/><br/>While still on the show, he knew his time had come and he jumped right into film making his feature film debut in <span style="font-style: italic;">48 Hours</span> with everyone's favorite mugshot, Nick Nolte. A fun action comedy (which was to become a staple of Murphy's), it was a smash hit and because of a Nolte illness, Murphy became the only cast member to host SNL while still a cast member. For some reason, I remember this, and I was only 2 years old. I'm lucky if I remember what I ate yesterday. <br/><br/>He then did <span style="font-style: italic;">Trading Places</span> with future 'I Miss' cast member Dan Akroyd. A fun Prince and the Pauper redux, it was a bigger hit than his first film and he was looking like a mint to Paramount. We'll skip <span style="font-style: italic;">Best Defense</span> for the simple fact that it shouldn't be mentioned ever again. Instead he made a small stand up comedy film called <span style="font-style: italic;">Delirious </span>that made a bit of a splash. It made the makers of red leather suits millions and offended many people worldwide. Not his best stand up though...<br/><br/>But then he went right into filmdom's premier tailpipe stuffing cop movie, <span style="font-style: italic;">Beverly Hills Cop.</span> Axel Foley became a phenomenon and is one of his films I can still just throw in my DVD player and have a blast, no matter what my mood is. Plus it had some great music and the always under-appreciated Judge Reinhold. <br/><br/>He went a different route next and went with the supernatural comedy <span style="font-style: italic;">The Golden Child</span>. Not one of my faves, but a decent comedy that still did tremendous business. He was on a role that Hollywood doesn't see as often anymore** He then had a double whammy with <span style="font-style: italic;">Beverly Hills Cop II</span> and one of my favorite stand up comedy films of all time, <span style="font-style: italic;">Raw</span>. Just the name shows how much it's going to offend and make you laugh. Stand up comedy movies don't have that event status anymore in theaters. I can't remember a time now that a comedian by himself could open his own stand up movie to make money. The only ones that do any business now are films with 3 to 4 different comedians, so you get a good 30 minute set with each of them. <br/><br/>Then came the duo we hadn't been waiting for but was surprisingly not too bad of Arsenio Hall and Eddie Murphy in the film <span style="font-style: italic;">Coming to America.</span> A fun film that still did a hell of a lot of business, but then his next film was the first bump in his career. <span style="font-style: italic;">Harlem Nights</span>, the drama he co-wrote (with Charlie Murphy!), starred, directed, produced, was best boy and did craft services for came out. A vanity project through and through, all I can say is that I don't like that film whatsoever. Boring is usually another word I associate with that film. I remember being a kid and my dad letting me rent a film at our neighborhood video store and I saw the cover. Eddie Murphy, Richard Pryor... with old time clothes? Was this some sort of gangster comedy? <br/><br/>No. It wasn't. That was a dollar I could never get back again. <br/><br/>His next 5 films were all a bit of mis-step for him. Two were sequels to movies that shouldn't have been made (<span style="font-style: italic;">Another 48 Hours </span>and the already mentioned&nbsp;  <span style="font-style: italic;">Beverly Hills Cop III</span>), a political comedy (<span style="font-style: italic;">The Distinguished Gentleman</span>), one was a decent comedy that all my friends loved at that time (<span style="font-style: italic;">Boomerang</span>) and one was one of the worst pieces of crap in horror history, directed by one of the great horror storytellers (<span style="font-style: italic;">Vampire in Brooklyn</span> and Wes Craven... respectively). <br/><br/>Then came the Klumps. Everyone laughed in the theater, even I did. I can't help but laugh at people in fat suits (well, not always Mr. Lawrence). It revitalized his ailing career. Or did it? It made a ton*** of money and showed the public still liked Eddie Murphy. But what version of Eddie was this? This wasn't the R-rated, f bomb spewing Murphy of years past. This was a PG-13, crude fart humor Eddie Murphy. And after the laughter, I didn't like where this was headed. <br/><br/>He must not have either, because he jumped into the underrated and under performing R-rated action/comedy <span style="font-style: italic;">Metro.</span> It starred a triple threat in the likes of Murphy, Michael Rappaport and Donal Logue. But even that couldn't get audiences into the seats. Then he voiced Mushu in the 'Wait, that was a Disney cartoon?' <span style="font-style: italic;">Mulan</span>. Then came another one of his crappy remakes, this time taking the timeless Rex Harrison classic <span style="font-style: italic;">Doctor Dolittle</span> and just trouncing on the good memory of it. <br/><br/>Then came a double whammy that he wouldn't soon forget. One was the infamous arrest of picking up a transvestite prostitute and claiming he was just trying to give 'her' a ride to safety. I love that skit. Oh wait, it was real life and he spent a night in jail. And then the second of whammys came when he released <span style="font-style: italic;">Holy Man</span>. Wow, now that was a stinker. And it wasted the fine Jeff Goldblum too. <br/><br/>To this day, I still say that even though he had already had two profitable children films under his belt, the arrest and public backlash that was waiting to happen coaxed him into shedding his once bright star and bringing out the new and children improved Eddie Murphy. But first he had to do the film <span style="font-style: italic;">Life</span> with Martin Lawrence to see if this was true. And the film did halfway decent box office, but nowhere near the good old days of R-rated comedies. And then the last film that I liked him in (and another starring the once great Steve Martin) was <span style="font-style: italic;">Bowfinger.</span> <br/><br/>Easy sequel with the more lewd <span style="font-style: italic;">The Nutty Professor II: The Klumps.</span> I was forced to see that turd in theaters. I don't know how I was convinced, but I know a relationship ended because of it. And then he did the terribly unfunny claymation <span style="font-style: italic;">PJ's</span>. I still wonder how that lasted 2 seasons. There really wasn't anything on UPN, was there?<br/><br/>Now I'll say a little something about <span style="font-style: italic;">Shrek</span>. I really liked the film. I thought it was Dreamworks showing that they could compete with Pixar. Thanks for showing I was wrong with the two <span style="font-style: italic;">Shrek </span>sequels. And it's funny, I thought number 2 was bad, but <span style="font-style: italic;">The Third</span>, I didn't know they could stoop so low. It took them 8 years to make another fun animated film.****<br/><br/>I won't delve into the pile of shit he brought upon us after the first Donkey infused film. I'll just mention them by name. <span style="font-style: italic;">Dr. Dolittle 2, Showtime, The Adventures of Pluto Nash, I Spy, Daddy Day Care </span>and Disney trying to show they could strike gold again with a movie based on a ride, <span style="font-style: italic;">The Haunted Mansion.</span><br/><br/>A glimmer of hope came about with <span style="font-style: italic;">Dreamgirls</span>. I was surprised to see him acting again and not just phoning it in. I was relieved to see him getting some buzz for awards. Then he acted like an ass and left the Oscars when he didn't win. Didn't he know that you need to play nice to be nominated again in a few years. But we all know that won't happen with films like <span style="font-style: italic;">Norbit</span> or the newly released and bombing worse than Mike Myers racist/ little person bashing extravaganza, <span style="font-style: italic;">Meet Dave</span>.<br/><br/>What happened to the old Eddie Murphy? The one that liked to 'party all the time' and 'boogie in the butt'? The guy who could make a nation laugh. Now he makes the lowest common denominator laugh. The people we tend to loathe when going to a movie theater now. The bottom feeders. And the only thing worse than a bottom feeder is one that feeds them. And that's what Mr. Murphy's become. Harsh? Yes, but he needs a wakeup call. <br/><br/>Will he come back to us? With slight promises of a new stand up special, it tempts me to think that maybe, just maybe there's hope still out there. But then going for a number IV sequel like most other stars of yesteryear with the much loved Brett Ratner (I keed, I keed, I hate him too), it proves to me that the almighty dollar never lies. <br/><br/>Eddie, we'll always have your classics. <br/><br/><br/>*Take that Denny Dillon!<br/><br/>**Well, Will Smith and divorce are the only sure things in Hollywood now. <br/><br/>***Sorry, fat joke. <br/><br/>****<span style="font-style: italic;">Kung Fu Panda</span>, for those not paying attention.<br/>]]></description>
					  <author>no@spam.com (James McCormick)</author>
					  <pubDate>Sun, 13 Jul 2008 00:00:00 EDT</pubDate>
					 <guid isPermaLink="true">http://chud.com/articles/blogs/901/I-miss-Eddie-Murphy.html</guid>
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