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STUDIO: Koch Vision
MSRP: $14.94
RATED: Not Rated
RUNNING TIME: 191 Minutes
SPECIAL FEATURES:
• nothing

The Pitch

"Hey, where are the Jews?"

The Humans

Brian Blessed, Timothy Bottoms, Susan Hampshire, Anthony Quayle, Norman Rodway

The Nutshell

A made for television two-part story on the life of King David.

The Lowdown

Watching this movie was one of the most painful viewing experiences I have ever had since reviewing for CHUD. While watching I could not get Monty Python out of my head and have decided the best approach to this mess is to borrow from them.


“We are no longer the knights who say ni! We are now the knights who say ekki-ekki-ekki-pitang-zoom-boing!”


“I don't think there's a punch-line scheduled, is there?”


“He must be a king.
Why?
He hasn't got shit all over him.”


“Your highness, when I said that you are like a stream of bat's piss, I only mean that you shine out like a shaft of gold when all around it is dark”


“Yes. Shrubberies are my trade. I am a shrubber. My name is Rogerthe Shrubber. I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies.”



"Now now, let's not bicker and argue about who killed who, this is supposed to be a happy occasion!"


"I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries."


"Does anyone else feel like having a little giggle when I mention my friend Bigus Dickus?"


"My legs are grey, my ears are gnarled, my eyes are old and bent..."


"I want to be a woman. From now on, I want you all to call me Loretta."



3.0 out of 10