GODDAMNIT, RATNER MIGHT BE CONAN'S MAN AFTER ALL
- By Russ Fischer
- Published 10/17/2008
- News

It's all in the title.
A month ago there was word that Nu Image was meeting with a metric ton of directors about their Conan reboot. One of them was Brett Ratner, which led to much gnashing of teeth over the idea that Ratner would style himself Crom and lord over Conan. Latino Review emphatically said the guy had not been offered the gig, it was only a meeting, chill out, Nu Image has got this.
Nu Image ain't got shit. AICN's Moriarty got a 'very persuasive' spy tip late last night from an insider who says that Nu Image and Lionsgate have, in fact, gone with Ratner to direct the cinematic return to Cimmeria. That's all there is right now, though Moriarty takes pains to specify that this is not a remake of the Milius film, but an all-new take. Ground zero. Does that make you feel better? Thought not.
UPDATE: I've been told by a couple of sources that Ratner as Conan helmer is a done deal. I believed that was the case, but threw 'might' in the title because Moriarty didn't sound 100% in his piece. So get used to the idea. We'll always have the Milius film. And the good news is that, while Ratner is doing this, he can't get his hands on a lot of other movies you'd really not like him directing.
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Comments
Comment #1 (Posted by Transcendent Gnat)
C R A P
Comment #2 (Posted by Luis Reis)
bollocks. Conan is amongst my favourite films. It would be impossible to 'remake' it in today's world (Milius' extreme right-wing sensibilities, the presence of Schwarzenegger and the original Basil Poledouris score). The original still holds up today because it was layered beyond the obvious action scenes. I wish King of the Iron Crown had been made as Milius described in the fantastic old IGN interview from years ago. I suppose Ratner will make it like 'Lord of the Rings' and use plenty of needless CGI armies. Rubbish news.
Comment #3 (Posted by Sgt. Rock)
God, how depressing.
Comment #4 (Posted by Chris Tucker)
FUCK THIS SHIT
just had to get that out there...
Comment #5 (Posted by Remembers when star wars was cool)
THE conan the barbarian, directed by this ADHD clown boy of a director? I guess the want the movie to have no vision or passion and just be a soulless waste of film like many of ratner's movies. Truly sad.
Comment #6 (Posted by Chris)
X-Men 3 was underrated. Red Dragon the same. He's just not THAT bad of a director. At the very least he's serviceable. He's Scorsese compared to who could have directed. Paul W.S. Anderson anyone?
Comment #7 (Posted by KurtQuake)
It really surprises me that Ratner and McG still get "genre" work. All the hate that flies out of the internets whenever their names are mentioned attached to anything that is remotely Geek nostalgic would, you'd think steer studios away from them.
Comment #8 (Posted by CromBomb)
At least now we're guaranteed to get Chris Tucker as Thulsa Doom.
Comment #9 (Posted by TheDukeOfNY)
To hell with you, Ratner!
Comment #10 (Posted by Tron)
KurtQuake, I imagine it's because they're "name" directors that work for relatively cheap. Sure, X-Men 3 was pretty bad, but it made a lot of money. Plus, they will easily bend to the will of the studio. None of this "artistic integrity" that other Name directors demand.
Comment #11 (Posted by an unknown user)
fuck my life....this is bad news indeed...there ARE worse choices, but all conan really needs is a very visceral director, that can occassionally digress with conan waxing poetic..is that too much too ask?
Comment #12 (Posted by Greg)
Fuck Brett Ratner.
Comment #13 (Posted by CommentGuy)
All anyone can ever say in Ratner's defense is that "he's not all that bad". Or he's "serviceable". As a lifelong fan of the R. E. Howard stories, these aren't the descriptions I want to hear for the guy who gets hired to revise the general public's perceptions of a character so badly misinterpreted and misrepresented on film to date.
Comment #14 (Posted by LamentationOfTheWomen)
Agree, "Could have been worse" ain't helpin' Conan any. "A Troubled Brow" indeed...
Comment #15 (Posted by Bob)
Fuck this. Wait til Schwarzenegger is acting again, get Stallone to direct and Milius to write.
Comment #16 (Posted by LuigiX)
No, there is no could've been worse here. If Uwe Boll directed it, the film would be forgotten and in 10 we could get a reboot. Ratner? "X-3" or "Kingdom of The Shit Skull" level action porn that'll open big and ensure 2 sequels to melt our souls.
Comment #17 (Posted by Irina Spanko)
Ratner is a serviceable director though not a visionary one. I'm more concerned that there is a good script to work from. The script and it's faithfulness to the character and the Howard tales will be key. And I have low hopes for that happening.
Comment #18 (Posted by Aquilian Ranger)
This will be a mediocre film at best, and ridiculously horrible at worst. Will Jackie Chan play Conan? Maybe he'll get Chris Tucker to play Thulsa Doom.
Comment #19 (Posted by hiroprot23)
Nerd Note: Thulsa Doom's actually a Kull baddie.
Comment #20 (Posted by Lard)
He gets this AND God Of War?
Fuck.
Comment #21 (Posted by an unknown user)
I just died a little inside.
Comment #22 (Posted by Jake Holocointo)
Actually, Stallone wouldn't have been a bad choice; he's got a good handle on myth-making, as evidenced by "Rambo".

