THEORY: GEORGE LUCAS IS AN EMOTION VAMPIRE WHO FEEDS ON OUR COLLECTIVE OUTRAGE
- By Devin Faraci
- Published 10/6/2008
- News
There are two kinds of people of whom you should be wary: Italians and people who thought Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was a better movie than any of the three previous Indiana Jones installments, or better than King Solomon's Mines or better than National Treasure. To be fair, an Italian will rob and possibly kill you, while the other type will just befuddle you.But there are people who did like the film, and the film did make a tremendous amount of money in a summer where it seemed like people really wanted to go to the theaters, so there's talk of a fifth film in the franchise. And according to Harrison Ford, the frequently soused-appearing star of the series, Lucas has some ideas brewing. "It's crazy but great," he told the LA Times. "George is in think mode right now."
There's such a disconnect here between Lucas and his unhappy audience. Part of it is obviously the fact that people are so willing to spend their money on Lucas films that they know will be junk, which emboldens the man. But there has to be something more to it all. Something that keeps Lucas not only making such terrible movies but also keeps him (or his proxies) constantly talking about them:
George Lucas is an emotional vampire who feeds off of our collective outrage.
It's the only thing that makes sense. He's like the emotional version of that salt vampire in the original Star Trek show. Hidden beneath that goiter is something even more unspeakable. And to make sure he gets all the outrage he can chow down on, he needs to keep speaking to the press, to keep getting his bad ideas reported and disseminated to an audience of angry nerds ready to give him his life-sustaining outrage.
Don't do it anymore. The only way to defeat Lucas at this stage is to deny him his nutrients. Simply quit getting outraged at his lack of care or respect for his own creations. Just stop giving a shit. Pretty soon he'll be financing a shot for shot remake of The Day the Clown Cried featuring all-CGI Ewoks standing in for the Jewish kids just to get a decent meal.
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Comments
Comment #1 (Posted by Biggs)
What saddens me, is two of the most iconic film-franchises of the Late 70's through 'til the mid- 80's are becoming horrifyingly bad parodies in the 90's and 00's...to the fact they're just marketing book-ends that are not made because there is an audience CLAMORING for more Star Wars or DEMANDING more Indiana Jones, they're made simply because Lucas (et-al) know they can make a buck outta it.
Case in point: The "New" Indiana Jones boxset release, now with all "Four" movies in one-set - it's a re-release of a re-release now with the "new" movie all in one box. Just like the Prequels, they'll NEVER be a part of the originals.
They're a different movie, from a different time...and you can stick a label on it and call it Indiana Jones but it's not...
How funny that movies like National Treasure and The Mummy are parodies of the Original Indiana Jones franchise, which in turn KotCS, is a parody of the latter films...
Physical Challenge: Watch National Treasure 1, then watch The Mummy 1, then watch Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
It's scary. It's so god-awful compared to them...
Please, George, Nobody wants anymore...
Nobody.
Comment #2 (Posted by David)
I'd rather watch Harrison Ford castrate docile animals than see Nicolas Cage's terrible pale mix of Jones/Langdon.
Comment #3 (Posted by Diamond T)
Yeah, I kinda liked the movie.
But then again, I don't get so uptight like all the internet-dwelling keyboard-pounding 'film' nerds - you know, those people that pretend to like Fellini films and talk about 'the craft'. I'd pay to see another Indy.
Comment #4 (Posted by an unknown user)
"The only way to defeat Lucas at this stage is to deny him his nutrients." - You could always start by not making a news story out of every fucking time someone off-handedly mentions the vague possibility of Lucas possibly thinking about maybe making Indy 5/Star Wars 7/Willow 2. Where fanboy coverage of Lucas is concerned, you're part of the problem, not the solution.
Comment #5 (Posted by an unknown user)
agreed with the above post. Why bitch about something that you dont what people to bitch about anymore? And I'm sorry to all film nerds, but not everyone has the same quality standards that we do when it comes to movies. If the theatre has air condtioning and the movie being shown is something familiar and can be used to take their mind off something for two hours, the general public is happy. I know this site liked transformers, but that movie was also retarded, the awesome special effects nonwithstanding. Everyone has got their weak spot when it comes to popcorn movies so might as well not bitch and moan about it.
Comment #6 (Posted by an unused knowner)
"If the theatre has air condtioning and the movie being shown is something familiar and can be used to take their mind off something for two hours, the general public is happy."..............it is because of shit thinking like this that movies like Kangaroo Jack, Beverly Hills Chihuahua and Wild Hogs are the #1 movies at the B.O. and make tons of money, but movies like The Fountain and Children of Men can't even make their budgets back. Bad movies succeed, and we get more bad movies. If you really do appreciate film, you would loathe the above sentiment.
Comment #7 (Posted by andrew)
You think grandma's, jocks, old dudes, housewives, and young girls want to see The Fountain? There's movies for everyone, stop thinking everyone wants to watch your favorites.
Comment #8 (Posted by SeedCannon)
I actually had a party when Children of Men tanked.
Comment #9 (Posted by SeedCannon)
By the way, I'm also a huge tool.
Comment #10 (Posted by messi)
kingdom better than the other indy's? Ludricrous. Better than National Treaure? Yes.
Comment #11 (Posted by Remembers when Star Wars was cool)
Crystal Skull gets a free pass because it's better than all 3 prequels combined. There's a great indiana jones film in hidden beneath a bunch of stupid garbage and a just terrible ending... Still, it's much much easier to stomach than the rambling mess the new star wars movies are, something a lot of us regret wasting our time on (though we had fun didn't we? *cries*)
I believe lucas hates himself though. He's not this invincible, inhuman guy. A part of him DOES care about good quality cinema and that part of him is the part we see still believing he can still create great movies despite his older businessman self getting in the way. I don't know, it's just from the way he comes off in interviews these days. You can tell his ego's severely bruised.
Comment #12 (Posted by Ogami Itto)
I didn't realize George Lucas had a "think mode" anymore -- a "regurgitate mode" definitely.
Comment #13 (Posted by izikavazo)
I really didn't have a problem with the Crystal Skull. I think people just forget how retared the orignal movies are. We are all blinded by the classicness of them so we ignore the flaws. It's true that he should have aged the tone of the films according the the aging of the fans, but he can't do that. He makes all his movies for the same generation, the young Generation X. So they are all bitter now and Y is just depressing. I'm pretty sure that George knows he's not going to please us, and therefore he's never going to try.
- izi
Comment #14 (Posted by Matt Turner)
Oh man, Nunziata is SO going to rob and/or kill you, Devin.
Comment #15 (Posted by an unknown user)
The constant bashing has gotten old. If CHUD does not like the new Lucas / Spielberg movies. They can do something that only they have the power to do... Don't watch it. Don't cover it. And need I remind you it was CHUD that was praising Grizzly Park as being worthwhile.
Comment #16 (Posted by an unknown user)
Any website that liked transformers has no right to be outraged about anything.
And you can quote me.
Comment #17 (Posted by an unknown user)
Devin is a miserable, unpleasant person who has really no reason to be cynical. Get a real job in the film industry instead of running a film site where you berate and alienate your core audience.
We get it, you didn't like the movie. Move on.
Comment #18 (Posted by Jason)
Must be a slow news day.
Comment #19 (Posted by Patrick Ripoll)
Didn't you say in the post-release thread that Crystal Skull was better than any of the Mummy movies?
Comment #20 (Posted by masterbrocksamson690)
Devin, what's with the first paragraph you wrote? The shot at Italians...why? I get it that you hate IJATKOTCS, but can you lay off the other bullshit? I'm Italian and fuck you, i'm offended. Grow the fuck up- comments like the Italian hate make me read sites like yours less and less. I just don't need the bullshit when I am trying to read a piece of infotainment.
Fuck it, from now on I'll just get a list off the net from less offensive sites of what's coming out in the movies and on dvd to stay in the know. Fuck you, Devin.
Comment #21 (Posted by DeanVenture'sSaddenVirginity)
Devin; fuck you very much. You are an emotion vampire, that lives off of collected outrage. Go take the train to sorry ville, and fuck yourself one more time. You fruity peeble.
Comment #22 (Posted by Kevin Van Natter)
I think there is a website called thesecrethistoryofstarwars.com or something where it breaks down how it was luck that the the first two star wars films turned out to be great. it just seems like he's not very talented. i get the feeling that the best moments in indiana jones came from senor spielbergo or someone other than george lucas. i can't believe people are mad at this article. its fucking true.
Comment #23 (Posted by chuckness)
Pretty sure Devin is a dirty Italian, so he's being ironic. Even if he wasn't, he's still being ironic.
Comment #24 (Posted by Irina Spanko)
I think we can all agree Raiders was and is the best of the so-called series, and cannot be touched. It's a classic, and rightfully so. The poster above trying to say all installments were retarded and we are just misremembering them must have meant to say all sequels, because Raiders is classy and a masterfully done motion picture regardless of genre.
Temple of Doom, however, had a terrible story, bad dialogue, annoying characters, a lot of really poor humor, and awful effects to boot. Crystal Skull was at least better than that mess, although it didn't have the same realistic look or film quality that Temple had back then, so at a glance it seems "better".
Both it and Crystal Skull are stupid movies, yet people enjoy them and defend them. That's allowed, and if Lucas makes an Indy 5 he is doing it for those who like and enjoy even the stupid installments, not those of you (or us) who want another Raiders.
And at least if Lucas makes a part 5, we can see if odd-numbered Indy movies are the good ones. (Cue the inevitable "Last Crusade was the worst!" comments.)
Comment #25 (Posted by Wil B)
I totally agree with comments 4 and 5, but you have to understand that when we grew up watching classic movies these dudes made, you would only expect them to get better, expecially 25+ years down road. I totally agree with your comments but CHUD is right, they must stop filming so much road vomit.
Comment #26 (Posted by Devins Lover)
I bet he makes oscar worth movies on his little handy cam.
Go cry on G4-
Comment #27 (Posted by MoonBaseNick)
it's just a movie, jesus. so it's not good...there are plenty of bad movies out there.
Comment #28 (Posted by AndyB)
Have to agree with the Transformers comment. I can't believe the love that film got when it was honestly one of the biggest piles of crap I've ever seen, in fact the only movie I've ever come close to walking out of. I actually like the Phantom Menace (mainly due to the duel) but loathe Attack of the Clones and Sith with a vengeance, and didn't even bother with Indy. I remember seeing Iron Man and the trailer for Indy came on and some kid behind me said 'Lucasfilm is cool, they made Star Wars' and it saddened me when I thought 'wanker, you haven't got a clue' as Star Wars was such a HUGE part of my life for so long. Thankfully Indy hasn't been sullied for me because I didn't bother with the latest but seriously, fuck Lucas and all he stands for now as he clearly has not one iota of respect for his audience.
Comment #29 (Posted by Hathersnatch)
Oh god, oh god, oh god - I HOPE this is the film where Indy travels forward in time to our time and has high-larious misadventures and gets confused by mobile phones, the "inter-web", She-Males and a few-years-out-of-date Paris Hilton jokes. Come on George, dig deep - dig for the GOLD!!!
Comment #30 (Posted by Indiana Bones)
I think part of the problem is that Lucas and Speilberg haven't seen the first 3 Indiana Jones movies (as finished products) nearly HALF as much as we all have. So, when they decide to go back to the well a decade and a half later, they're drawing from what they think made the movies great. Unfortunately, they focus on the big action sequences and not the nuances, character relationships, and little moments that made the originals so great.
Comment #31 (Posted by TheHeartBreakYid)
You're absolutely right, Devin: Italians can't be trusted.
You were wrong about KotCS, though. Re-watch Temple of Doom. Savor every obnoxious scream from Speilberg's wife, every annoying Short Round moment (he was the Jar Jar of his time) every stupid moment involving Speilberg's wife (so annoying, she gets listed twice)... tell me how that is a better film than KotCS. The only fault of KotCS is its overkill with the CGI.
Was it a great movie? No. But it was good, and it made me feel like a kid again. It doesn't do to be so pretentious as to hold that as a fault.
Comment #32 (Posted by Sam J.)
Get over it already.

