(Continued from Page One)

Almost too late to be considered a part of his previous statement, Lloyd adds, "You know, Van Gogh didn't sell a lot of painitings in his day..."

It’s in that quote that you get a sense of what Kaufman’s feeling. This is a guy looking for his due. A guy who feels he has given a bit of himself for his art…who knows he’s probably never gonna’ get that Lifetime Achievement Oscar…and he just wants a little respect.

Kaufman smiles wistfully. “Fistfights broke out at Cannes when a few French critics there compared me to Marcel Duchamp (Duchamp was a French fixture of the New York Dadaist movement who famously submitted one of his “readymade” works - a toilet entitled “Fountain” - to the 1917 Society of Independent Artists exhibit - an event he chaired).

I laugh. “I think that comparison’s valid...”

“I didn’t say it! It happened at Cannes. But I think there’s some truth to it. We are, to some extent, Dada.”

“Well…Troma confounds convention…pushes boundaries in terms of content…”

“And there’s a certain…the films are self conscious - self referential - which can be seen as ‘Brechtian’ - and I’m a fan of Brecht. I grew up with Brecht…

And this idiot critic here in Milwaukee-”

Here we go again…

“I’ll be he’s never even heard of Brecht! There’s more of an intellect at work in Poultrygeist than this guy’s ever had in his whole life. This guy probably loves the Julia Roberts…

Ehh…what can you do? What can you do…?”

“Lloyd - the audience for this film doesn’t even read the newspaper. I don’t think anyone reads them anymore - I think old women buy newspapers so they can bundle them with yarn and put them in their basements until they turn to pulp and return to the earth. Print is dead.”

Lloyd diminishes now. He’s expelled his demons, perhaps. Or perhaps my observation made sense - in any case, I use the opportunity to turn the discussion to the film once more.

“Poultrygeist paints everyone with the same brush - liberals, conservatives, activists-”

“Good point, Jason - absolutely.”

“The corporate entity cares for nothing and no one. The activism is mostly self-serving. The only truly heroic character is a Muslim suicide bomber.”

“That’s right.”

“It seems like a pretty nihilistic worldview, and so I’m wondering where your own beliefs fall. Whose side are you on?”

Kaufman turns exceedingly serious when it comes to taking swipes at the status quo (and rightly so. I mean, “Pictures of Matchstick Men” my ass). And while it can be argued that his filmography is devoid of any sort of social commentary, it doesn’t take much egging-on (I thought I told ya’ that we won’t stop) to get him to tell you - flat-out - where he stands.

He offers, without a moment’s pause, “It’s not nihilism. I believe in what Shakespeare wrote - ‘To thine own self be true’ - the problem with that is…we’re living in an age of phonies who will say and do anything…

If Nazism comes back - John Kerry, Al Gore, and his big fat wife - they’ll jump on that bandwagon. They’ll go any way the wind blows - and that’s disgusting. And that is one of the messages of Poultrygeist - don’t let the wind blow you. You’ll have people…standing around in Tevas…picketing all of this phony-baloney…

If Al Gore were really an environmentalist, he’d have the guts to say, “Hey folks, stop buying DVDs and CDs - they’re made of oil. Go get your entertainment from the internet.”

“But that might offend his friends in the entertainment industry…which is sorta’ ironic, given his wife’s past flirtation with fascism.”

“Yes - his wife tried to censor entertainment! The other thing Gore could say is, ‘Wanna’ help the environment? Stop eating meat!’ Every time a cow farts, you increase global warming. And that’s not to mention how much they eat, and how much land could be used…if not for grubby cows - you could feed God knows how many starving Ethiopians - or Darfurs or whatever!”

It’s sentiments like those that allow me to legitimately consider Kaufman’s “blacklisting” theory as more than paranoia. His ideas make sense, and they fly in the face of politicians and moguls alike. In what amounts to one sentence, Kaufman calls Al Gore a hypocrite, and demonizes packaged media and factory farming. Why give someone who does that a spot on the roster, you know? He’s gonna’ tear you an exciting new hole - and…more than likely…let some deformed infant puppet monster sex you in it.

Speaking of which-

“You know, I can respect George Bush - at least George Bush stands for something…

This revelation completely slaughtered my next question. As I was keenly aware that George W. and Lloyd K. attended Yale together, I had planned to ask:

“Lloyd, if you knew then what you know now, or if you could go back in time - would you terminate George Bush and save us all? Just so you know, I’ve totally got your back - I’d kill Hitler and Jesus.”

I thought this was off-kilter/tasteless enough to maybe elicit a chuckle from him - now I had visions of Bush and Kaufman engaged in “low-jinx” at Bohemian Grove…

“I prefer someone who believes in something to someone who just goes with the wind. John Kerry has never held a belief in his life. When I was at Yale, I saw Kerry speak to the political union - and was copying Kennedy! He has no style of his own…

And Hillary - did you see this thing she did with her husband?”

“The Sopranos thing?”

“Yes - if you go to Troma.com, I did a PSA about it - can you believe what a disgrace that was? To have a former president and a would-be future president compare themselves - ‘How cute! We’re Mafia!’”

“Well, they kinda’ are…”

“Yes! Absolutely. These are the kind of people you don’t want to be president! Obama, though - that could be interesting. I dunno’…enough of that…”

“As you wish.” I return once more to my prepared questions. “Poultrygeist is the best-looking Troma film in terms of production design and cinematography…”

“We had our best group on Poultrygeist. We had about 80 people…from Japan, Canada, Australia, France, Sweden, England - we put a notice on the website, and they came from all over the world. And we all lived in a vacant church…it was terrific. They were great people - and they all believed in what we were doing. That’s why I think the film looked so good. If you watch the documentary on the making of Terror Firmer - you can see how dysfunctional things were - but Poultrygeist…everybody got along. Two couples who met on the film are married - it was a great, great group. And Brendan Flynt - he’s been doing this for me for ten years - he was the DP on Tromeo and Juliet, Terror Firmer, and Citzen Toxie - he’s grown so much. Gabe Friedman has been editing my films for as long - and he’s very much responsible for writing this movie - fantastic…Andy Deemer and Keil Walker were amazing producers - these people are all “can-do” people. And this movie has the best acting of any Troma movie by far…”

“But it wasn’t the result of a beefier budget?”

“No. The movie cost about half a million dollars - which is the same as the first Toxic Avenger twenty-five years ago. $500,000 for this movie? In 35mm? It’s absolutely nothing.”

“And you self-financed?”

“My wife and I paid for it. We had a couple of friends who put up about twenty percent of the money.”

“My next question would then be, ‘Where are you sleeping now?’

“Yeah! Exactly. It’s getting very hard for true indies to survive…”

“When you hosted the first Poultrygeist screening I attended, you mentioned that Troma was not in a good place…”

“We’re in a terrible place. But Troma is Troma. We own about 800 movies…it has a life of its own - but that life has never been more difficult. And we’ve never been more famous - the problem is that the movie studios are killing all the independents.”

The majors started overpaying for indie product in the wake of the Disney acquisition of Miramax and the subsequent Weinstein buying frenzy. Tiny distribution outfits died, and the studios themselves hung new shingles - Fox Searchlight…Paramount Classics/Vantage - boutique labels dedicated to “independent” (read: moderately priced studio product) films that could nab a bit of that Shakespeare in Love dollar.  They weren't going to finance She's Gotta' Have It. They would never make a Clerks.  They certainly wouldn't touch something like this.

Though it must be said - a few years ago there were studios interested in partnering with Troma on a large scale revamp of the Toxic Avenger.  With everyone thinking green - and the recent resurgence of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - I wonder aloud if returning to a once-popular franchise would give Kaufman's bealeagured studio a bit of finacial breathing room.

"Would you entertain returning to the Toxic Avenger?  Maybe you could do a CG feature - or would Troma CG look like Pong...?"
 
“I’m not really interested. I’d do it if someone wanted me to do it…but I’d like to do something different. I’m looking for a script right now, actually. I’d like to do something akin to Mamet. Something dark…extreme…still the kind of movie only three people will turn out for - but something where a group of actors have a chance to act.”

“They do in Poultrygeist. Jason Yachanin does this great sort of neurotic young Woody Allen thing…”

“Yes. Absolutely.”

“Kate Graham’s got this really funny Disney delivery.”

“She’s very talented.”

“And everybody really gets the tone. If one actor thinks they should be playing this really straight…or that they should be winking at the audience, the movie fails. The entire cast really nails the tone of this, and I suspect that may have been difficult.”

“We had three months of pre-production.”

“Really?”

“We rehearsed for three months.”

“Is that customary for a Troma film?”

“We always spend a lot of time in pre-production.”

“And a lot of time on post-production. This film was a long time in post.”

“That’s because we’re incompetent!

No…it’s my fault, because I’m really…”

I was going to say “anal” - but perhaps “anal” is something you should never say to the guy who runs Troma…

“Well, it is your money. It’s not ten mil in studio cake that no one notices…”

“But the thing is,” Lloyd says, “What’s the hurry, you know? Nobody wants the movie, so when I think it’s ready, it’s ready.”

“It’s not like you have to get it out for Christmas.”

“Yeah - that’s Peter Jackson’s job. I don’t have a deadline. I can do anything I want. Forty years I’ve made movies and no one’s told me what to do. Who else is out there like that? Woody Allen? Martin Scorsese?”

“Can’t count him. He was kicked out of the editing room on Gangs of New York. Even the heavyweights deal with that crap.”

“Well then, here I am, forty years of total freedom. And that’s wonderful.”

The Times’ owner does a drive by, and he drops the vilified review of the film on the table. Before Lloyd can get to it, I start skimming.

“‘Grand Guignol Happy Meal…smartly photographed and ambitiously staged…the ‘let's put on a show’ spunk of the cast’…Lloyd - this isn’t bad…”

Lloyd starts to read the review…and you can almost see the clouds part.

“This isn’t bad.” He continues reading. “I guess the guy gets it...”

Kaufman shakes his head. “That’ll be a great way to end your piece, eh? All that over nothing.”

Yeah, Lloyd - It’ll do.

Lloyd's looking for a script, kiddies.  Maybe it's yours.  Visit him at Troma.com.

Page Three attacks now!