I have 493 movies in my Netflix Instant queue. I tend to watch one thing for every five that I add, but now my library is close to being full and I have to make room. So, every Monday I’m going to pick a random movie out of my queue and review the shit out of it. But (like Jesus), I’m also thinking of you and your unwieldy queue and all the movies in it you want to watch but no longer have the time to now that you’ve become so awesome and popular. Let me know what has been gathering digital dust in your Netflix Instant library and I’ll watch that, too. One Monday for you and the next for me and so on. Let’s get to it.
What’s the movie? C.H.U.D. (1984)
What’s it rated? Rated R for a fragile van explosion, the weirdest shower attack ever and a doomed John Goodman.
Did people make it? Written by Shepard Abbott and Parnell Hall with uncredited rewrites by Daniel Stern and Christopher Curry. Directed by Douglas Cheek. Acted by John Heard, Kim Greist, Daniel Stern, Christopher Curry, George Martin and John Goodman for a sec.
What’s it like in one sentence? Monster bums in the tunnels beneath NYC.
Why did you watch it? Gabe T. and RelaxingDragon talked me into it. Plus, writing for CHUD without seeing this movie felt a bit sacrilegious or something.
What’s it about in one paragraph? The NYC homeless population that lives underground beneath the subway tunnels are disappearing and it’s going to take a rogue cop, a soup kitchen operator and a fashion photographer (?) to figure out what’s going on. If you can’t be safe in the sewers and whatnot, then can you really be safe anywhere?
"Where da weed at?"
Play or remove from my queue? Play it most definitely. It somehow manages to be campy, serious, intense and fucking trippy all at once without letting the genre bending clog its throat. The thing that impressed me the most were the central performances by John Heard and Daniel Stern because they’re actually playing real people. These guys are three dimensional with real problems and desires and by the end when they’re fighting their way out of the sewers, I truly gave a shit about them surviving. Mostly Daniel Stern, but still. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever liked Stern so much as I do in this. He plays a character that could have been interpreted as broad by a lesser actor, but he plays it subtle in a way I don’t know that I’ve seen from him before. No googly eyes once. Heard’s character is a bit more problematic only because his relationship with Kim Greist seems to define him for most of the running time, yet he’s kind of a prick to her most of the time. Greist is great also with a character that could have been a shrieking damsel in distress but in her hands has a resilience most female horror movie characters didn’t have in the mid 1980’s. This was her first movie, Brazil was her second and Manhunter was her third and if that was all she ever did, it would have been a John Cazale run of brilliance (go with me on this) but it seems like she toiled in TV for the next decade and hasn’t been in anything since 2001. We love you Kim… come back to us.
The social commentary works in this as well with the whole class warfare\government douchebaggery overtones. When horror flicks try to get into politics and social commentary it only works about half of the time and C.H.U.D. nails it to the door and pisses in its sockets. Since all of it plays seriously and NYC actually feels like a real city instead of a post-apocalyptic wasteland like it does in so many movies from the ’80’s, the plight of the mole people really resonates with the viewer. Maybe not as much as it did in Dark Days, but I can really only ask for so much.
The only real weak link I saw in the film is director Douglas Cheek. He makes the subterranean world of lower NYC feel real, alive and lived in, but when he’s called to stage a punch or some physical action between actors, it tends to look like a stage fighting workshop at the Learning Annex. Cheek went on to direct a documentary about “the Christian Revolution” and edit some really good documentaries, so I hope he has found his calling, as feature filmmaking might not necessarily be it. Also, some of the C.H.U.D.’s look awesome as shit and some look phony as balls, but I found myself so caught up in the story that it didn’t bother me that much.
"Have I ever told you the one about I'LL SHOW YOU THE LIFE OF THE MIND!"
Do you have a favorite line? An old homeless woman saying “Cooper, you son of a bitch. I’m in jail. I only get one phone call. You think I wanna waste it talking to some goddamn fucking machine?” made me pretty happy.
Do you have an interesting fun-fact? IMDB told me that C.H.U.D. features three actors that would go on to play roles in the Home Alone series. I know Stern and Heard, but am still figuring out the third. I bet it was the dead dog.
What does Netflix say I’d like if I like this? The Stuff (never seen or even heard of), House 2 (was my favorite movie when I was 9), Maniac (was my favorite movie last week), House (Richard Moll scared me to death when I saw this as a kid. TO DEATH!), Vamp (I’m not sure I want to see this even if it was without Chris Makepeace).
What does Jared say I’d like if I like this? Dark Days will give you more insight into the Mole People and Night of the Comet because that movie should be watched by all.
What is Netflix’s best guess for Jared? 3.1
What is Jared’s best guess for Jared? 3.5
Can you link to the movie? I sure can!
Any last thoughts? It’s a mid-80’s horror film that feels ahead of its time, yet perfectly in tune with that era’s Reagan-y bullshit. Not an easy feat for a film with mutants.
Did you watch anything else this week? The Descendants (overhyped, but good), Super (a true joy to watch) and Crazy, Stupid, Love (worth watching for Stone, Gosling and Carell).
Any spoilerish thoughts about last week’s film, Transylvania 6-5000? I like it less the more I think about it, which isn’t much. Fun for nostalgia’s sake, but an easy skip if you’ve got better things to do.
Next Week? Red State or Dead Heat? I’m leaning towards Red State only because it feels like we’ve been stuck in the ’80’s for a while. Or recommend me something newer and we’ll do that. Whatever’s clever.
I totally forgot Kirsten Dunst was in this.