Do you ever have people tell you what it is you “need?” For instance, you are out with your friends and one of them says “you just need some time” or “you need to find a way to make it work”. I unfortunately find myself in one of those times where I hear that from a lot of people. I hear it from friends, dates, family and co-workers. I find it presumptuous and condescending.
I understand that they mean well, and they may even have a perspective that is different from mine, but at the heart of it all I hear is “you’re fucking up, and this is how you fix it.” Last night a very close friend started to tell me that she knew what I needed, and I listened for about 30 seconds and lost it. Part of it was the timing, part of it was the alcohol consumption prior to the lecture. Mostly it was the fact that in the past 2 months it was the umpteenth time someone felt compelled to tell me what they believe will help me.
She’s smart, witty, beautiful and certainly not without life experiences even though she is young. I respect her immensely and would listen to her read the phone book if she felt so inclined. I also would never presume to tell what she needs to do, because I don’t know what she needs to do.
Here’s the shocker folks, I’m not looking for help. I haven’t requested it, I don’t want it and I’m actually pretty happy being a little crazy right now. I know that it won’t continue for long, I’m too career oriented to continue staying out all night and performing varying acts of debauchery every night. I am having a good time, not looking for anything more than a good time for a little while and if I happen to find something or someone special then all the better. I am not searching for any answers to deep philosophical questions, I am not trying to understand how I got here, and I am not unhappy.
Well, I get to be unhappy when friends surprise me with an intervention that I don’t need. I get to be unhappy when the family calls to intervene when they aren’t needed, and I fucking hate being given advice when I didn’t ask for it. Nick has been a true friend and not aspired to “fix me” by palying Doctor Phil. Quick aside, Doctor Phil needs to be put in a cage match with the Kracken.
My point is that with very few exceptions none of us have the knowledge or understanding of another persons life to be telling them how to better themselves. My family knows some about me, me friends know some about me, the women I date may know some about me, but none of them know enough to be in a position to say “you need …” I value your opinions most of the time, and sometimes I even enjoy hearing what you have to say, but unless I ask for help, I really don’t want to hear how you think my life would be better.
A new home awaits you. — By Travis Newton