Rule #1: You cannot brag successfully on the internet without proof. But rarely will proof make your case.
This is due to the nature of the beast, which is that words are essentially the only thing one can put on the internet. Besides pictures. But people on the internet get to know you through words. Over the course of your existence within the world of the internet, in this iteration of you (qua blogger, poster, etc.) you establish the reality of you (qua blogger, poster, etc.). And the greatest currency is the ability to use words. To create a sense of you.
But unless your bragging is backable and presents information that is relevant (“I’ve read the Darabont draft of Indy and x happens,” “I’ve seen Pineapple Express and x” “I had a Kobe Steak last night and it was x”), then the vacuum of the internet makes it baseless or interpretable. If you say you’re dating an attractive woman, if you say you had sex last night, if you say that you’re best friends with Brett Michaels, all someone else has to say is “nuh-uh” and unless there’s evidence, everyone’s right. Also, trying to justify your existence, the hotness of your lady, etc. on the internet it opens the door that suggests the opposite. That is to when someone says “I fuck all the time” in public, there’s a psychological likelihood that they’re doing the opposite. If you mention how close you are to Mr. Michaels to prove how cool you are, if you assert it a number of times – even as an aside – you offer just as much evidence you’re a lackey, and your identity is tied up in someone else’s (even if it isn’t). But even in putting up pictures subjectivity is king, and trying to brag on the internet makes people argue with you regardless, and if you were hoping on proof to make your case, you’ve failed. Also, if you say “my wife/girlfriend etc. gives me oral/reverse cowgirl/anal etc.” you’re opened a door of exploiting someone who isn’t part of the conversation. That’s another failure.
This also brings up one of the great axioms of the internet/world, and that is: when the pool gets big enough, eventually someone will hate you for being you. Whether that hate is justifiable is anyone’s guess: is it just player-hating, or do you suck? Odds are split on that one. The problem is this: If you tell your closest friends “I just found a thousand dollars in the street” most will say “awesome!” but you present that same truth to a bunch of people who somewhat know you, the percentages dictates that a number will say “what? That asshole?” (there’s the possibility that a number of your closest would say that as well, but let’s not dwell on that). That’s because the world is a bitter vindicative place where people have come to realize that life is unfair and the existence of God is based on a crap shoot. Both Brian Peppers and Tom Cruise were born looking like that. So talent is only one factor in the success of life. And sometimes it seems the hate suggests “If what you’re doing is so cool, why are you hanging out with us? Your existence rubs it in my face.” That though is the high-side of a spectrum that usually is marginally a part of the internet. 9/10 someone’s saying something stupid that only proves that they’re a jackass.
So if you’re going to drop something bragadocious, you have to basically just go ahead with it and be an asshole about it. Make the asshole of it your point. Or don’t bother telling internet strangers shit that’s supposed to make them jealous. Just try and be cool with your words.
My attitude, since I’ve been Dellamorte, has been to try and keep the personal stuff to a minimum, and mostly just talk about movies on the Chud, which it will mostly be with this blog. I’ve always found that how someone writes about art can tell you a great deal about the author. And I’ve also found that the closeness the internet can sometimes create is that of a glass house, broadcast on cable access. You never know who’s watching.
I think part of my distaste for Hilary Clinton is that she looks like my mom, and has grown more and more into looking like my mom. Make of that what you will.
A new home awaits you. — By Travis Newton