Make sure your potassium intake is appropriate, people.
Once every couple of years I’ll get one of those things where your leg muscles lock up and to move it even a little is Max Mad Beyond Excruciating. It’s not a Charlie Horse as often misdiagnosed but an ailment that comes out of a lack of potassium or magnesium or some other “ium”. Dreadfully painful and it totally immobilizes you.
First time it ever happened to me, I was swimming. Guess what’s not good to lose the use of when you’re swimming? Luckily the water was five feet deep or else you’d be at a GoDaddy “coming soon” page right now. Leg locked in a “V” seemingly locked in place and the nerves and muscles spasming like Peter Fonda on a terrific day, that was my state of being.
Speaking of, Spasms needs to be on DVD. PROOF OF SUCH.
The cure to these ailments is dietary and in the choice of supplements and vitamins. In theory. But still, we don’t have the good fortune to have a series of meters to look at to check our stats. If I had any clue that last night my Wisdom was enhanced but at the expense of my Constitution I may have slept in a different position.
This morning the Leg Lock nearly spelled the end of me. I was awoken by it, but not in one leg. Both of them bitches.
My legs immobile and my mind muddy from going to sleep at 5am and waking up at 7am, all I could do was whimper for help while my family and pets frolicked down the hall far away from my feeble frozen, pain-wracked form. If I could have just unplugged my spine and shuffled off to the Styx I’d have done it. Intense isn’t a strong enough word. So I bit my tongue and waited.
The thing about these is that it feels like each little move you make is ripping the muscles apart like a fucking fruit roll-up. They aren’t. I think. But it feels like it. Finally I had a little mobility and was able to assume a position less like an alien from The Arrival. For the first time ever, even after the lock went away there was a deep aching in my right calf that I’m still feeling when I walk.
Thankfully our double header was rained out tonight because the Friday night Co-Ed team is the only one I play on where I’m the clean-up hitter and responsible for being a catalyst. If I was hurt that task would be Steve Murphy’s… and God help the team if that were to happen.
So, eat your bananas, folks. Seriously.
- Nick Nunziata cannot lift his leg to kick ass today.
A new home awaits you. — By Travis Newton