The Masterpiece: The Giant Claw
Purchase Link: You Are Welcome.
The Year: 1957
The Director: Fred F. Sears
Beasts to Enjoy: The Giant Claw. The Rest of the Hideous Giant Bird It’s Attached To.
Marketing Quotes/Taglines: “Flying Beast Out Of Prehistoric Skies”
If I ran the Marketing: “They Didn’t Even Have The Enthusiasm To Add Punctuation To Their Tagline!”
What the Fuck is Going On: When I was 18 years old [math tells us that this was the year 1990] I watched The Giant Claw on late-night television with old friends Dane Walker and Keri Johnson [who is now engaged to CHUD’s sometime contributor Steve Murphy!]. This was before I drank. It was also before I gave up on MAN.
The movie floored us. My penis was crying sticky tears of sadness joy. After the movie I drove home and got a ticket for no reason by an officer with the last name of Thomas who had a broken headlight. When I brought this up in court, he lied. He lied! Several years later I saw him again as the guard at some tiny dumb store. I hope his last days were very painful and that his children take alternating shits on his gravestone on the anniversary of his death that can’t be traced back to me.
This movie is so fucked. Seriously, of all the titles in this list of ten, this is the one link you must click to make a purchase. Your tummy will never be the same again.
See for yourself:
A new home awaits you. — By Travis Newton