Today was supposed to be Indy day. It was the day we were all going to rediscover our inner eight-year-olds and, therefore, surrender our ability to ejaculate. There would’ve been benefits to this. But Warner Brothers had other plans. They weren’t about to lay down for a sixty-five-year-old man smashing through windshields with his cast-iron hips, not when they had a completed trailer for summer 2008’s most estrogen-soaked movie. So they did what any other studio would do. They gave us the Pants.
Yes, Pants-fans, they’re all back: Bridget (Blake Lively), Lena (Alexis Bledel), Tibby (Amber Tamblyn) and Carmen (America Ferrera)! And they’re headed to Greece for all-nude adventures! Love on the beach, lust in the dust, sex in the city, orgies at the American embassy, and a free-diving competition between two childhood friends that somehow involves Rosanna Arquette. It’s art, it’s entertainment, and it’s gonna scorch the seat off your Wranglers!
Because I have nothing of substance to say about The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2: Stick It Anywhere, I’ll conclude this meaningless news item with these thoughts:
Alexis Bledel: Yes
Blake Lively: Oh, you know it.
Amber Tamblyn: Who’s going to know?
America Ferrera: Turn it off! Turn it off! TURN IT OFF!!!
A new home awaits you. — By Travis Newton